Most of the time, the reason why we can’t let go of someone is that deep inside we still hope that it’s just a rough patch, and things will get better with time.
Are you finding it difficult to believe that letting go of someone for their own good is sometimes the right and the best thing to do? Are you in a complicated relationship? Are you wondering if it’s a healthy one? Are you thinking that maybe letting go of someone you love for their own good is the way to go?
I get it. This is a complicated question and one worth some serious consideration before taking action. I believe there are three reasons to even consider letting go of someone you love for their own good. I will address each of them here and the reasons that you might consider letting them go.
Why Letting Go Of Someone For Their Own Good Is The Right Thing To Do
1. Their baggage is hurting the relationship.
Are you madly in love with a person who is very damaged? Someone who has baggage from past relationships, who struggles with family issues, who has issues with anger or insecurity, who has substance abuse issues etc? Someone who is hard to be with because of their damage.
Many of us stay with people, even if they aren’t making us happy, or even if they are making us miserable because they have issues that we believe that we can fix. We believe that they can’t possibly get better if we don’t stand by their side.
And those are admirable thoughts and I understand they come from a place of love, but really, if you love them, you should consider letting them go for their own good.
Many of us who stick around because we think we can fix our person, or that they need us, are, in fact, enabling the damaging behavior. We tend to overcompensate for their damage – perhaps justifying their drinking or molding ourselves to be someone different from who we are so as not to trigger them about lost loves. Who tiptoes around to prevent an angry outburst.
These things are understandable and I know you feel supportive but they aren’t helping your person get any better. In fact, they could be making them worse.
If you can find the strength to let your damaged person go if you can tell them that you love them and that you want to help them and support them but that all you are seeing is them getting worse and your relationship getting more unhealthy, you can actually give your person a chance to get better.
If you let your person go and they find that they aren’t only alone but that they aren’t in a relationship where someone is overcompensating for their issues, people are way more likely to get help.
I know you are worried that if you let them go, they will get fixed and find someone else and live happily ever after. And that might happen. But I can promise you that, if you hold onto them, hoping they will get fixed and you will live happily ever after, you won’t. You will just be miserable.
So, if your person is struggling in a way that is hurting your relationship, consider letting them go for their own good. So that they have a chance to be healthy and happy. And you do too.
2. You don’t love them the way you should.
I remember when I was married and I was unhappy, I used to think about letting go of my husband so that he could find someone who made him truly happy. But I still did love him, even if we were struggling, and the thought of him being with someone else made me sick to my stomach.
So, for selfish reasons, I held on and we were both miserable.
If you love someone, but know that you don’t love them enough, let them go. Let them have the opportunity to be happy, to find true love, to not live a life that isn’t as full as they deserve.
I know that it’s scary, and I know that you are worried that if you let go of this person you might never find love again. And I get it. But I can promise you that if you don’t let go of this person who you just don’t love the way you should, then you are doomed to years of misery.