Heartbreak, soul detachment, stuck in a routine of “love”, do the fundamentals of love still exist and the importance of hitting rock bottom face first.
The sharing of the worst time of my life, matters to consider when leaving the person you love, why self love saved my life and how I changed my understanding and outlook to live a life of abundance.
I have read a few articles and stories on true love, but can’t say I have come across one that involves the complete shattering of hearts in the hope of giving love a chance someday in the future.
I know heartbreak, but nothing comes close to the pain of choosing to leave the woman you are still madly in love with and always will love, because love itself was no longer enough. The harsh reality of the universe is that everything is temporary, and the deepest and truest love doesn’t always mean you are happy. Long story short, life happened and my ex and I drifted to the point that we had completely detached from our souls and own identity.
Loneliness is its most destructive when felt in the presence of the one person whose attention and love you crave. No words, no words can ever describe the gut wrenching pain that left me paralysed and in tears from this heartbreak, but it was the best decision I have ever made. I am so grateful as it led to an incredible journey of finding and understanding myself, healing old emotional traumas, forming an appreciation for everyday beauty and finally coming to understand that peace and love is found within. They say it takes a complete falling apart and questioning of all that we know to find ourselves, this is absolutely true.
The thought of leaving someone who you love wholeheartedly can be enough to destroy you.
This is probably one of the most difficult decisions of one’s life, where you question your happiness and alignment to your soul vs the fear and selfishness of staying and feeling unfulfilled and lost.
The below questions helped a lot when it came to guiding me on a way forward, but this will differ from couple to couple depending on your circumstances. I have always valued the basics of love over anything material or emotionless and the below is in line with that:
- Have you identified what has caused the shift in the relationship and first looked at how YOU can remedy it? Is this a recurring issue that has been discussed on numerous occasions, with the situation remaining unchanged?
- Is your partner more of a roommate with the feeling of being wanted nothing more than a distant memory?
- Has your idea of love and everything that excited you about love changed, write down what it used to be and what it is now. This is very tough, so be gentle on yourself
- Despite circumstance, ask yourself the following relating to YOU and you only “Am I truly happy in this relationship and find peace/fulfillment in accepting this feeling for the rest of my life?”
- If the answer to 4 is no, the final question to ask yourself is “I can go to sleep at night knowing I have done everything in my power to fight for the love we once had. This has been discussed and relayed in a manner my partner understood and acknowledged. I have gone the extra mile for my partner and addressed all areas that I needed to improve on. I am willing to completely break myself and possibly see the person I love crumble at the hand of my decision, because this isn’t love and I would rather be happy alone than empty/numb with someone”
- NB – clarity and self reflection. By this stage, you will definitely know what needs to be done. Don’t ever remove the responsibility from yourself or act like you are in no way also responsible, this exercise is useful to pick up trends in all of your relationships and shed light on wounds that have never healed. I realised I always loved a woman who was previously mistreated, who felt undeserving of love and being treated with care. This was due to childhood trauma and I pain I saw growing up, resulting in me wanting to “save” them
I guess I have to see the beauty in this love story as I do believe her heart now understands what true love feels like, albeit for a future lover. However, I didn’t think she would be “saved” through letting her go and the most painful goodbye imaginable. 6 months ago I was on my knees begging for a sign from the universe to show me that there was more to life, that love exists and we all have a purpose. Today marks the final stage of my healing process since the breakup, the packing away and folding of all photos and memories in a safe place out of sight.
Now, I am sure you must be wondering how on earth this was the best decision I have ever made. This decision led to tons of hard questions and self reflection, which made me realise:
- I had no idea who I was, I had no hobbies and my life was filled with coping mechanisms
- I was depressed and felt completely lost and alone
- I suppressed all of my feelings in the attempt to always help others
- I have always loved and cared on a very deep level, but didn’t realise it was due to the lack of love I received throughout my life
- my self worth and acceptance of the absolute minimum in terms of love was an eye opener.
- I needed change and I knew that for me to be happy, I needed faith and to be that change. To give myself the love and care I needed
In the last 6 I have completely turned my life around, my perspective on life and love has changed and I have actively regained control of my destiny and the life I want to live. This is a daily commitment, with growth and self care / self love being the main factors. It’s important to note that everyone has their own path that is completely different and unique to you only, so walk your path with your head held high and own it!