Conversational Narcissism: 5 Signs To Spot A Conversational Narcissist


Conversational Narcissism Signs To Spot

Conversational narcissism treats you like an object rather than a human being. Here are 5 signs to look out for and how to regain empowerment

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus

You pick up the phone. It’s Jill. Again.

“Heya, just thought I’d give you a call! How are you?”
“Good thanks J –”
“Oh, terrific! I wanted to tell you about my … [insert 5-hour monologue] …”

We’ve all had those people in our lives who seem to talk about themselves ad nauseam. Once given the opportunity to talk about themselves, they’ll snap it up in an instant showing little regard or interest in what you have to say. Ever. And if they do, you know it’s a fake mask of politeness.

These people are the conversational narcissists in your life who hog every conversation you have, leaving your head spinning. Basically, talking to a conversational narcissist is like putting your head in a blender.

So, do you have a conversational narcissist in your life? There’s only one way to find out …


How To Spot The Conversational Narcissist (5 Signs)

Not all narcissists are obnoxious or dislikeable people – in fact, many of them can be charming and appealing – but deep down, they’re deeply wounded people.

Why is it so painful talking to them?

Perhaps because you can pick up on the following character traits:

  1. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
  2. They’re usually absorbed in fantasies of power, success, beauty, or brilliance.
  3. They have unreasonable expectations of other people, i.e., that everyone else should unquestioningly comply with them.
  4. They overrate the importance of their achievements.
  5. They crave constant validation, admiration, and respect from the world.

Keeping these symptoms in mind, it’s no wonder that the conversational narcissist loves drilling you with every detail of their lives ad infinitum.

Read 9 Types of Toxic People That Will Rob You Of Your Happiness

Which Kind Of Conversational Narcissist Do You Know?

There are two types of CN’s. These are the: Active Conversational Narcissists + Passive Conversational Narcissists.

So let’s explore the first.

1. Active Conversational Narcissism

This breed of narcissists always ends up shifting the attention onto themselves in conversations.

They do this by giving a few “supportive responses” so as not to appear rude, but end up using more “shifting responses.”

Please note that it’s normal and healthy to share stuff about yourself, as long as you direct the conversation back to the other person. (And take interest in them!)

Here’s a couple of examples of supportive vs. unsupportive conversations:

Example 1 – Supportive

  • Person A – “I’m going to buy a puppy today.”
  • Person B – “Really? What breed are you wanting to get?”

Example 2 – Unsupportive

  • Person A – “I’m going to buy a puppy today.”
  • Person B – “Really? I was thinking about buying a puppy for my daughter as well!”
  • Person A – “Oh, yeah?”
  • Person B – “Uh-huh, I thought that a golden retriever would be … [30-minute monologue].”

2. Passive Conversational Narcissism

This subtle form of conversational narcissism occurs when you share something, and the conversational narcissist withholds their supporting responses until the conversation fizzles out.

Read Histrionic Personality Disorder: How This Type Of Narcissism Works In Women

Supporting responses are for instance acknowledgments that indicate you’re listening, e.g., “uh-huh,” “OK,” “Hmm.”

They’re also statements that demonstrate active listening such as, “That’s awesome!” “Why did you do that?” “What are you planning to do now?”

Passive conversational narcissists withhold these statements, showing disinterest so that the conversation ends up dying – and is directed back to them.


  • Person A – “I’m going to the casino tonight!”
  • Person B – ” (Pause) … oh, right … (pause)”
  • Person A – “I’m really excited because I won $200 last week!”
  • Person B – ” (Silence) …”
  • Person A – “Have you been there recently?”
  • Person B – “Oh yeah, I went a few weeks ago with my friends, it’s really interesting because we … blah blah blah.”

How To Use Conversation Narcissism As An Opportunity For Inner Growth

Talking to CN’s sucks.

I think the deepest reason why it stinks is that we all seek to feel seen, heard, and validated. It’s a basic human need. We want to connect with others from the heart and soul. But conversational narcissism blocks that opportunity.

It’s easy to let conversational narcissism make you feel resentful. Yet, while it’s normal and healthy to feel angry at their selfishness, staying in that place for too long is unhealthy. My advice: instead of letting CN shut you down, let it open you up. Use it as an opportunity for inner growth.

“Inner growth!?” some people may exclaim. Yes, hear me out.

Conversational narcissism is an opportunity for you to:

  1. Be self-sovereign and practice self-respect
  2. Practice setting healthy personal boundaries
  3. Open your heart, see underneath the exterior, and understand that their pain comes from the wounded inner child – and …
  4. Let that compassion empower you (I don’t know about you, but I feel disempowered when I let another person get me bitter and enraged)

How To Interact With A Conversational Narcissist

Talking to a conversational narcissist can be draining and tedious – especially if you see that there’s nothing in it for you.

How about changing the way you look at things?

Don’t worry, I don’t like the thought of changing something in myself either, especially when it’s the narcissist who should change!

The fact is: you can’t change anyone, so give up trying now.

The only thing you can change is your outlook and perception.

For instance, you could see talking to a conversational narcissist as a form of interpersonal training. You could also see it as a way to forge many great qualities such as patience, forbearance, compassion, stronger self-worth, and focus.

Yes, all these qualities can be strengthened by listening to a self-absorbed, insensitive, and egotistical person!

Read 20 Narcissistic Terms: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding Narcissism

According to the research I’ve done, the best way to interact smoothly with a narcissist is as following:

  1. Don’t demand or expect too much.
  2. Accept that you have to listen. A lot. (Or not, your choice.)
  3. For swift conversation, resist the temptation of challenging the narcissist’s thoughts and desires.
  4. Nod, smile, and keep quiet a lot.

I don’t necessarily agree with this way of approaching narcissists all the time – but if you’re not in the mood to stir the pot, these four rules will help you to ease the tension that comes with talking to them.

On the other hand, if you’re wanting to end a conversation with them quickly, I’ve found the following techniques work wonders:

1. Talk about something really boring, and keep repeating what you’ve just said in different ways. This style of communication is called the ‘grey rock’ method.

2. a time limit. After ten minutes or so leave the conversation (have a handy excuse ready), no matter what!

Read When You Start Healing Yourself, The Rest Will Fall Into Place

How To Recover From Your Interaction

No one ever really talks about what happens after you interact with a conversational narcissist.

But the truth is, you need a little time to recover!

After all, you’ve just come in contact with a person who is so wounded and self-absorbed that they treat you like an object rather than a human being.

Conversational narcissists are energy vampires who can leave us feeling weak, emotionally fragile, depressed, anxious, and exhausted.

To regain your energy:

  1. Learn how to ground yourself
  2. Practice self-love
  3. Try some relaxing breathwork
  4. And if you’re an empath (i.e., energy-sensitive person), take some time to practice extra self-care

Even something as simple as sipping a hot cup of tea or taking a few deep centering breaths can make a world of difference!

You might also like to journal about your experience with the CN. What did they teach you? How do you feel? This is a wonderful way to grow in self-awareness, spiritual awakening, and can help to decompress your nervous system.

How do you handle conversational narcissism? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Written by: Aletheia Luna
Originally appeared on: Loner Wolf
Republished with permission

Conversational Narcissism Signs To Spot pin one
Conversational Narcissism Signs To Spot pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

7 Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Have you interacted with someone who promises you the world, but when the time comes to do good on their promise, they leave you high and dry? Chances are you might be dealing with a future faking narcissist.

Future faking narcissists are charming and diabolical at the same time, and are experts at lying through their teeth. They will paint a picture-perfect image of themselves in front of you and will promise you a beautiful future. However, it’s all smokes and mirrors.

In this article, we are going to talk about the signs of future faking narcissists, so that it’s easier for you to understand when someone is genuinely interested in building a future with you and when someone is simply playing you.

Up Next

The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed thei

Up Next

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Obsessive Ex? 4 Tips For Successfully Handling One

Deal With Your Partner's Obsessive Ex: Tips And Tricks

Have you ever had to deal with an obsessive ex? Moreover, have you ever had to deal with your partner’s obsessive and toxic ex? If you have, you already know how disturbing it is to go through this. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to deal with a toxic ex or deal with your partner’s toxic ex.

My friend is happily married to a man who has a child. He is a devoted and loving father who sought full custody of the children; the court denied his petition.

His two children are living with their narcissistic mother who actively alienates the children from their father. His ex was obsessed with him during their short and turbulent relationship. She was deceitful, abusive, controlling, and highly destructive. They hooked up while drunk.

Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?

Up Next

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With Someone Who Thinks They Are Better Than You

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With It

Have you ever met someone who believes they are inherently better than others? Do they constantly exude an air of superiority, belittle others, or dismiss others’ accomplishments? This is a superiority complex in action. What is a superiority complex?

People who exhibit traits of condescension and arrogance are believed to have a superiority complex, a psychological phenomenon that drives such behavior. Let’s explore the superiority complex in psychology, its signs, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with someone with a superiority complex.

What is a Superiority Complex?

A superiority co

Up Next

What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip

What Is A Devouring Mother? Ways To Overcome Toxicity

Do you feel overwhelmed, smothered, or suffocated by all the love and attention your mother gives you? Perhaps you know people who feel trapped in situations where their mother’s love becomes an all-encompassing affair? This phenomenon is referred to as “The Devouring Mother Archetype.” Let’s explore what is a devouring mother and how to deal with the devouring mother archetype.

What is a Devouring Mother?

The Freudian devouring mother describes a controlling, overbearing motherly figure hampering a child’s development and independence. It is marked by possessiveness and narcissism.

As the term is not a literal description, a devouring Mother does not mean a mother who consumes her children ph

Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal