After you have ended your relationship with a narcissist, have you ever wondered that the narcissist loves the new supply more, than they had ever loved you?
Does it seem, under no uncertain terms, that the narcissist loves new supply more?
Have you been completely disabled by the seeming about-face the narcissist has made with the new supply, sending you into a depression so deep you can barely get through the day?
Of the many fears that discarded partners of the Narcissist are faced with, the soul-crushing belief that the narcissist will be better for – and deeply in love with – the new supply is the worst.
In spite of knowing that the narcissist is a pathological liar (and consistently unstable), discarded victims are often 100% sure that the narcissist has miraculously begun toeing the line for the new sweetheart.
It’s a miracle, by George! The narcissist has changed! Their wounded former supply sees it on Facebook and Instagram, hears about it from the narcissist themselves, and is informed by their shared circle of friends that the narcissist has never been happier.
The narcissist’s friends and family can barely believe their own eyes, and even the neighbors walk around with their mouths agape, wondering what it is about the narcissist’s new partner that’s incited such a divine intervention of the narcissist’s wily ways.
Jeepers, if they’ve changed so drastically for the new partner, then…
…then it must mean there was something wrong with you – their former partner, right? And maybe because of this, the narcissist was forced to find love elsewhere. And because the new lover’s love is so celestial and the depth of their devotion so staggering, the narcissist loves new supply more.
They really have changed and they love the new partner more than they ever could have loved you.
Let’s pause for a moment of reflection.
No one can say that it can’t happen. However, the probability of it happening is slim-to-none.
In other words, I cannot guarantee that this event would never happen, but I would bet large sums of money that it wouldn’t.
The chances that the narcissist has changed for the new supply – simultaneously falling head-over-heels in such love that it’s been blessed by Eros and Aphrodite themselves – are about the same as my constructing a drone for the Department of Defense, all without an instructional pamphlet.
The narcissist is a skilled and convincing actor. After all, they fooled you into believing that you were the love of their life, perhaps even their past lives.
How long were they able to keep up the charade? Months? Possibly years?
Then, after their mask started slipping, they likely expected you to keep up appearances in front of everyone. Still yet, when you discovered their lies, online dating profiles, and infidelities, they convinced you that they had reasonable justifications for it all.
Perhaps, somehow, in spite of their love crimes they still wanted you and were in love with you.
And so it will be with the new person.
You see, they not only have to convince you that they’ve found their soul-mate and best friend in the new supply, but they also have to get everyone else on board, too. It’s essential that you doubt your memories; distrust that what they did to you was so bad after all. The narcissist must make you and everyone within a 100-mile radius believe that you exaggerated everything and – further – are delusional and unstable.
Related: The Narcissistic Lover’s Playbook
In other words, that the narcissist did no wrong and they’re just an innocent human trying to find real love.
What better way to do that than to trap a new supply into their web of deception and get them to drink the Kool-Aid? Thus starts a fresh round of love-bombing, complete with vacations, a church with the kids, and an engagement ring.
Voila! Presto-chango!
This crusade is one they can wage for perverse periods of time. It’s important that you don’t internalize this as meaning the new supply is any better than you or possesses the special kind of love that you couldn’t give.
The narcissist doesn’t want to be suspected of wrong-doings, nor accept one molecule of accountability for their actions, thus the Great “I’ve Changed for the New Person” Hoax.
The Truth About Whether The Narcissist Loves New Supply More
Has the narcissist fallen in love with the new person?
The narcissist may seem happier in the new relationship, and there is a very simple reason for this. The new partner simply does not know the narcissist the way you do.
The narcissist has planted the seeds of a convincing and tantalizing screenplay in the new person’s mind. In turn, the new supply is mirroring back to the narcissist exactly what the narcissist needs in order to feel like the best partner and lover that anyone could ever have in their life.
At first, the narcissist will put forth painstaking effort to keep this charade going because it fills the eternal emptiness the narcissist feels.
However, as time passes, all the acting and future-faking will wear on the narcissist as the new partner or friend reveals themselves to be just an ordinary human, same as everybody else, and, in doing so, disappoints the narcissist just as everyone else has.
Every relationship is an epic failure to narcissists because their expectations are unviable. They are expecting the other person to be perfect, and by association, to make them perfect.
When this doesn’t happen, they feel swindled, let down, and betrayed.
Unavoidably, the new supply will reveal themselves to be imperfect by possessing a human flaw, having emotional needs, or by learning that the narcissist is not perfect…all of which are forbidden sins in the narcissist’s handbook.
Related: On Narcissistic Supply: How You Provide Necessary Ignition for the Narcissist’s Fuel
How to Know if a Narcissist is Finished With You
There are some narcissists who leave a relationship and are never heard from again. But this is not the most common scenario.
In many cases, you might be absolutely certain the narcissist is gone for good, but then the narcissist will pop back onto the scene as though they’re an old friend who just happened to be in town or saw an old photo of you and they “sincerely” want to know how you’re doing.
Sometimes this happens five or ten years down the road.
This is why you absolutely should not waste your precious time trying to figure out if the narcissist is finished with you or if the narcissist loves new supply more.
It’s you who needs to decide you are done with them.
Why?
Narcissists do not change with the passage of time.
Narcissists do not value anything; do not confuse this with you not having value.
Narcissists do not love anyone, do not confuse this with you being unlovable.
Narcissists cannot appreciate the worthiness and beauty of life, do not confuse this with your being unworthy or not being beautiful.
It is normal human behavior to expect an emotional connection to be returned and it is normal to keep trying harder to have it returned, because it does not make sense that your input is not reciprocated, but you are dealing with a person whose internal workings you cannot begin to imagine.
Narcissists are disconnected from life; they have no knowledge, experience, or memory of love or caring. They cannot appreciate beauty. They are not able to replenish themselves; they have no internal resources and are at the mercy of other people giving them what they need.
Once they have used up one person they move to the next. When you have recovered some energy that is worth taking, they return.
Related: 3 Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Idealize, Devalue, Discard
They know they will be ostracized from society if people know they have no ability to connect emotionally, so they develop in other areas to make themselves attractive – they develop in charm and charisma. But it is important to understand there is no one inside and every breath you spend communicating with them is wasted; they don’t understand and they cannot understand normal emotions.
They will copy emotional words because they have observed it is the best way to get what they want, but there is no substance to them; it is not their fault, but you must not have sympathy for them because they will use it.
It is a no-win situation and you must disconnect totally from these people. They suffer from a constant, torturous, empty boredom that cannot be healed.
They cannot be happy, they also cannot be sad. They are empty. They can only be temporarily filled up by adoration, but they are full of holes and it leaks out very quickly.
Copyright © 2017 by Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach
This article was originally published on the Let Me Reach website and has been printed here with the author’s permission.
The next time you think that the narcissist “loves” their new supply more, think again. It’s all a game to them; they are incapable of loving anyone except for themselves. Never ever think that you are unlovable, or you don’t deserve a loving and fulfilling relationship. You were never the problem, the narcissist was.
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