Narcissist Mirroring: How Narcissist Manipulates You Into Loving Them

Narcissistic Mirroring: How A Narcissist Manipulates You Into Loving Them

Narcissist mirroring is so manipulative they fool you into loving them.

They study you, then put on the perfect mask that mirrors your desires and dreams.

They become the fantasy partner, but it’s You you’ve fallen in love with.

When I first met my ex, it was as if he were magnetized.
He hadn’t spoken a word.
All he had to do was to look across the room at me with his big baby blue eyes and I was a goner.
There was something about him and I was drawn to him.
I can’t describe how powerful that feeling was.
Butterflies went on a rampage in my stomach.

I thought:

He’s The One!
You can’t explain it, it just feels right.
Many of you say the same.
You were swept off your feet.
The relationship moved at an incredible pace.
It was a whirlwind romance.

What makes a narcissist or abusive type so attractive to some of us?

A subtle manipulative tactic, known as mirroring.

Narcissists are the ultimate manipulators.

Before they’ve met you or in the first minutes of your meeting they study you.

They observe everything about you and have the ability to read you fast.
What your passions are.
What excites you.
What you crave in your life or what’s missing from it.

Then they morph into that person and embody everything you want them to be.

They put the perfect mask on and mirror your desires and dreams, your hopes and beliefs back to you.

You think:

This person is amazing.
I’ve never met anybody like them.

I thought that when I first met my ex.

He’s The One!

It’s a gut feeling you can’t explain.

The connection felt so deep and rapid.

Narcissists lack a form of empathy.

They have the basic impulses we all have.

The basic emotions and feelings such as fear or anger.

But they lack the sophisticated feelings, that rational side that most people have.

For example, most of us can temper anger with the rational adult logical side of us that says that this base impulse is not great to let get out of control.

We can see a disaster on television and feel empathy and sadness for the victims as we can feel other people’s pain.

They can’t feel them in the same way.

This what is known as emotional empathy.

But they can see it in other people.

They can read this reaction, even if it’s not innate to them.

In fact, they make up for this lack with a brilliant ability to read others and mimic this behavior.


Narcissist mirroring

They’re great actors, who ape those feelings.

They know exactly which mask is required depending on the person or the situation.

And they can wear a lot of different masks at the same time.

When you first meet a narcissist and you express feelings about things, have opinions about things or love a certain food or music, they’ll mimic that.

Suddenly they will talk like you, love the same things you do, feel the same passionate beliefs about the things that you do.

That is narcissist mirroring.

What they’ve read and observed and studied about you they reflect back to you.

Essentially what’s happening when they love-bomb you, in the beginning, is you’re falling in love with yourself.

I know that sounds weird.

But you are falling in love with a mirrored version.

Of You.

That’s why it feels amazing.

It feels right and so good.

4 Ways You Can Unintentionally Fall In Love With A Narcissist

4 Ways You Can Unintentionally Fall In Love With A Narcissist

A narcissist, in its most basic definition, is a person who’s wildly self-centered or selfish.

Getting in a relationship with someone like that sounds like a terrible idea, yet may people unintentionally fall in love with a narcissist for a variety of reasons.

Whether blinded by love, emotionally vulnerable, or something far more complicated, it’s definitely possible to fall for this type of person, even if you’re self-aware or in a positive mental state.

Here are four ways you may be accidentally entangling yourself in a toxic relationship so you can hopefully catch the signs before getting in too deep.


1. You believe the best in people and are willing to forgive and forget.

If you’re the type of person who sees and believes the best in people, then it’s very possible for you to fall in love with a narcissist.

Narcissists can be very convincing, and if they’ve persuaded you to feel or think a certain way, you might have trust in them simply because you’re a good person.

When you see the best in others, you are easily convinced—and may even convince yourself—that things are not as bad as they seem. (Even if others have tried to show you otherwise.)


2. You’re caught up in the passion over the reality of the relationship.

The phrase ‘blinded by love’ rings true if you fall in love with a narcissist.

Whether you’re overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection (narcissists are very dramatic people!), persuaded by emotions, or driven by lust, you may fall into continue to stay in a toxic relationship because you foolishly believe that person loves and values you.


3. You’re convinced that this person will change.

Narcissists are extremely manipulative.

Regardless of how many times they’ve messed up, they have the uncanny ability to convince you that they will change their behavior and never hurt you again.

And if you’re already invested in the connection, you may believe them.


4. You’re being manipulated and the warning signs are disguised as something else.

Narcissists are able to disguise warning signs and red flags by their conniving behavior.

For example, rather than taking responsibility for cheating on you, they might spin the entire event and say that you were being ‘too clingy’ or not giving them space.

Oftentimes people can get wrapped up in this toxicity because they don’t recognize the true warning signs and manipulation tactics. They’ve normalized these behaviors, or have become immune to their partner’s behavior altogether.


How to recognize the warning signs and protect yourself:

You can fall in love with a narcissist just as easily as you can fall in love with anyone else. Attraction, affection, and connection play a role as they would in any relationship.

However, in order to protect yourself from a relationship with the wrong one, a toxic connection, or even potential abuse/trauma, it’s important to recognize these narcissistic behaviors and patterns before you’re head over heels.

If a person is exhibiting behavior that doesn’t feel right, if he/she is trying to control your every move, or if you’re often made to feel guilty for the choices you make—pay attention!

These can be the beginnings of a negative relationship and it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to your heart.



You may also like:

4 Ways You Can Unintentionally Fall In Love With A Narcissist

Can a Narcissist Love?

Can a Narcissist Love?

Anyone who’s loved a narcissist wonder, “Does he really love me?” “Does she appreciate me?” They’re torn between their love and their pain, between staying and leaving, but can’t seem to do either. Some swear they’re loved; others are convinced they’re not.

It’s confusing because sometimes they experience the caring person they love, whose company is a pleasure, only to be followed by behavior that makes them feel unimportant or inadequate. Narcissists claim to love their family and partners, but do they?

Romance vs. Love

Narcissists may show passion in the early stages of dating. But that sort of passion, according to Jungian analyst Robert Johnson, “is always directed at our own projections, our own expectations, our own fantasies . . . It is a love not of another person, but of ourselves.” Such relationships provide positive attention and sexual satisfaction to support a narcissist’s ego and self-esteem. For most narcissists, their relationships are transactional. Their objective is to enjoy uncommitted pleasure. (Campbell, et al., 2002) They’re playing a game, and winning is the goal. They’re engaging and energetic and possess emotional intelligence that helps them perceive, express, understand, and manage emotions. (Dellic, et al., 2011) This helps them manipulate people to win their love and admiration. They brag to be respected, loved, and gratified. Additionally, their good social skills allow them to make a good initial first impression. They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single. Some narcissists lie and/or practice love–bombing by overwhelming their prey with verbal, physical, and material expressions of love.

Narcissists lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases or when they’ve won at their game. Many have trouble sustaining a relationship more than six months to a few years. They prioritize power over intimacy and loathe vulnerability, which they consider weak. (See Lancer, 2014) To maintain control, they avoid closeness and prefer dominance and superiority over others. Game-playing thus strikes the perfect balance to both get their needs met and keep their options open to flirt or date multiple partners. (Campbell, et al.)

A sudden breakup can be traumatic to their ex, who is bewildered by their unexpected change of heart – proposing one minute and then exit the next. They feel confused, crushed, discarded, and betrayed. If the relationship had continued, eventually they would have seen through the narcissist’s seductive veneer.

Some narcissists are pragmatic in their approach to relationships, focusing on their goals. They may also develop positive feelings toward their partner, but more based on friendship and shared interests. If they marry, they lack the motivation to maintain their romantic façade and employ defenses to avoid closeness. They become cold, critical and angry, especially when they’re challenged or don’t get their way. They’re likely to support their spouse’s needs and wants only when it’s inconvenient and their ego is satisfied. After devaluing their partner, they need to look elsewhere to prop up their inflated ego.

How is love defined?

Real love is not romance, and it’s not codependency. For Aristotle and St. Thomas Aquinas, it’s “to will the good of another.” In The Psychology of Romantic Love, Nathaniel Branden states that “To love a human being is to know and love his or her person.” (1980, p. 50) It’s a union of two individuals, which requires that we see another person as separate from ourselves. Further, in The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm (1945) emphasizes that love entails the effort to develop knowledge, responsibility, and commitment. We must be motivated to know another’s wants, needs, and feelings and provide encouragement and support. We take pleasure in their happiness and try not to hurt them.

When we love, we show active concern for their life and growth. We try to understand their experience and worldview though it may differ from ours. Caring involves offering attention, respect, support, compassion, and acceptance. We must devote the necessary time and discipline. Romantic love can evolve into love, but narcissists aren’t motivated to really know and understand others. (Ritter, et al.2010)

The Narcissist’s Soulmate Scam: Identifying a Love Bomber

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? If so, you might have experienced the phenomenon known as “love bombing,” which is yet another form of manipulation that a narcissist uses to reel in his victims. 

The Urban Dictionary calls an “a person who is full of love and always ready to express their love for somebody,” a love bomber. But when there’s a narc involved, it turns into a whole other ball of wax. 


Why does love bombing work so well? 

We all know how predictable a narcissist can be. And in the early stages of a relationship (or even during a “renewal” period in a long-term relationship, in which he reactivates the love bomb), you can rest assured that certain things will happen, with almost any love-bombing narc. 

According to Kim Saeed at, it’s because love is the one thing we all really want and need. 

“Love is the most sought-after human need,” Saeed writes. “So, when a target receives an overwhelming amount of love and acceptance, it’s very hard to analyze the reasons ‘why’ for fear of losing what they’ve desperately been longing for.”

She adds that after awhile,  “the target becomes blindly dependent on their abuser; all while being hammered into submission.” 

I can relate to that one. How about you? 

Melanie Tonia Evans, a well-known narcissism expert, says that the narcissist engages in love bombing for a very specific reason: they are in desperate need of narcissistic supply. 

“You must understand that the narcissistic emotional ‘love’ model is not the normal human one we know,” Evans writes.“Narcissists are insatiably needy. We know there are ‘needy’ people in the world – but the normal human version of ‘needy’ bares very little resemblance to a narcissist’s neediness.”


Healthy vs. Narcissistic Relationship Development

In a normal relationship, you grow closer over a number of months or years. But when it comes to a narcissist, one of the biggest red flags early in a relationship is his blatant desire to move quickly. 

The narcissist will start off by rushing into it. He will idealize you and make you feel like he’s the part of you that’s been missing all of your life. You’ll be all, “OMG, love at first sight!”

Don’t get me wrong – I’m sure there are some totally legit “love at first sight” stories. But in general, if this happens, you’d do best to take a step back and reevaluate. 


What Love Bombing Looks Like in Action

At first, it’ll all seem too good to be true. You’ll spend hours talking, and maybe you’ll get sweet little texts all day long. He will “like” every Facebook status you post, and maybe even comment on them all about how amazing/smart/beautiful, etc. you are. 

He will say that you’re the best female he’s ever met – the rest are so crazy/unpredictable/whore-ish, etc. He will lavish attention on you like you’re his princess. 

He might even take off work in order to spend more time with you – and at first, it all seems so perfect. You’ll think “maybe he’s my soulmate!” and he’ll take full advantage of such assumptions. 

He will say all the right things, and it’ll just feel like you truly know him within days or weeks. You’ll feel like he understands you like no one else ever has, and no matter how smart you are, you’ll fall for it all – hook, line, and sinker. 

You might get overwhelmed with gifts (which, of course, as you’ll soon find out, always have strings attached). 

This will lead to the inevitable next step – he starts mirroring you; that is, he will start “reflecting back to you” exactly what you really want to hear. 

This is because, by becoming your ideal man, he gains a tiny bit of control over you. He can only gain the control if he has your full attention – and he knows the best way to get it.


“You just get me.”

He will tell you that somehow, you’re the first person he’s ever come along who “just gets him.” He’ll say that you understand him like no one ever could, and he will wonder how he ever got along without you. 

He might even ask, “Where have you been all my life?”

The Great “Narcissist Loves New Woman More” Hoax

The Great “Narcissist Loves New Woman More” Hoax

Does a narcissist loves the new woman more?

Narcissists resign from old relationship and set out for a new prey to feed their inflated sense of ego.

Of the many fears that victims of narcissistic abuse face, the heart-wrenching concern that their disordered Ex will be better for the new woman is one of the worst.

In spite of knowing that the Narcissist is a pathological liar, colossal cheater, and soul-assassin, discarded victims are often 100% sure that their abuser has miraculously begun toeing the line for the new girl.

It’s a miracle, by George!  The Narcissist has changed!

His former victim sees it on Facebook and Instagram, hears about it from the Narcissist himself, and is informed by their shared circle of friends that the Narcissist has never been happier.

His friends and family can barely believe their own eyes, and even the neighbors walk around with their mouths agape, wondering what it is about the Narc’s new girlfriend that’s incited such a divine intervention of the Narcissist’s wily ways.

Jeepers, if he’s changed so drastically for the new woman, then…

…then it must mean there was something wrong with you, right? 

And maybe because of this, the Narcissist was forced to find love elsewhere.

And because her love is so celestial and the depth of her love so staggering, the Narcissist really has changed and he loves the new woman more than he ever could have loved you.

Let’s pause for a moment of reflection.

No one can say that it can’t happen.  However the probability of it happening is zero.

In other words, I cannot guarantee that this event would never occur, but I would bet large sums of money that it wouldn’t.

The chances that the Narcissist will change for the new woman – simultaneously falling head-over-heels in such love that it’s been blessed by Eros and Aphrodite themselves  – are about the same as my constructing a drone for the Department of Defense, all without an instructional pamphlet.

The Narcissist is a skilled and convincing actor.  After all, he fooled you into believing you were the love of his life, perhaps even his past lives.

How long was he able to keep up the charade?  Months?  Possibly years?

Then, after his mask started slipping, he likely expected you to keep up appearances in front of everyone.

Still yet, when you discovered his lies, online dating profiles, and infidelities, he convinced you that he had reasonable justifications for it all.

That somehow, in spite of his love crimes, he still wanted you and was in love with you.


And so it will be with the new girl.

You see, he not only has to convince you that he’s found his soul-mate and best friend in the new girl, he has to get everyone else on board, too.

It’s essential that you doubt your memories; distrust that what he did to you was so bad after all.  He must make you and everyone within a 100-mile radius believe that you exaggerated everything and – further – are delusional and unstable.

In other words, that he did no wrong and he’s just an innocent man trying to find real love.

What better way to do that than to trap a new girl into his web of deception and get her to drink the Kool-Aid? 

Thus starts a fresh round of love-bombing, complete with vacations, church with the kids, and an engagement ring.

Voila!  Presto-chango!

This crusade is one they can wage for perverse periods of time.  It’s important that you don’t internalize this as meaning she is his cosmic soulmate.

The Narcissist doesn’t want to be suspected of wrong-doings, nor accept one molecule of accountability for his actions, thus the Great “I’ve Changed for the New Woman” Hoax.

Don’t drink the Kool-aid.  Trust that he’s a weasel and that the new girl will find out in due time.  They always do.

Copyright © 2017 by Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach
This article was originally published on the Let Me Reach website and has been printed here with the authors permission.