Inside The Mind Of A Girl Who’s Broken By An Emotional Psychopath

 

The marks humans leave are too often scars. – John Green

 

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She was just an ordinary girl. She believed in love and she believed her story would have a perfect ending. She heard stories of abusive men and broken women but never, not in her wildest dreams, could she have imagined the same thing happening to her.

All she wanted was a normal and happy life—something most of us dream of. She wanted to have a place of her own. It didn’t even have to be fancy, she just wanted something to call her own. She wanted a man by her side who would love and respect her and she wanted to have kids with him. She wanted to pass on to them everything she had learned and felt in her life.

Was she wrong? Did she ask for too much? She just wanted to be happy and believe me, she deserved nothing less than that. But unfortunately, her life took a different course.

Everything fell apart. Her dream was torn into pieces and it turned into a nightmare into which she slipped again and again. Bright colors were replaced by dim and dark ones. There was no more happiness in her dream. All that was left was pain and suffering.

She fell in love with him even though her intuition was signaling her to stay away but she chose to ignore it. She chose to listen to her heart. She thought her heart could never be wrong. Only this time, her heart had been deceived. He was so infatuated that she couldn’t help herself. She fell under his magic spell and she saw nothing and no one but him.

All those things she had been dreaming of suddenly became so real when she met him. She imagined their house, she imagined him by her side protecting her from everything bad that might come her way. She thought she finally had it all. She thought she was finally happy.

How could she have known he would sneak inside her mind and turn her into something she was not? How could she have known he would manipulate her and emotionally blackmail her to get what he wanted? How could she have known he would break her and destroy her dreams?

It all began when he showed his true face and broke the fairy tale she was living in into a thousand pieces. It all began when he couldn’t keep up the act anymore and he didn’t have to. She was already his, she loved him. And that was all he needed because he knew she couldn’t just walk away from him that easily. Not from her dreams and not from him whom she gave her love to.

Somewhere deep inside her mind, she knew what was going on, but she was in denial.

She didn’t want to accept it. She didn’t want to admit he wasn’t the man she thought she fell in love with. Slowly but surely, she saw him turning into a monster she was running away from her entire life.

She fought against it because she knew once she admitted it, her life would turn into something she dreaded. Once she admitted it, she would have to face her brokenness.

So she gave him chances, hoping he would change, but he never did. He continued to molest her and drain her to the core until she had nothing left inside of her. She became an empty shell of what once was a beautiful woman.

He blamed her for everything. His every wrong move and mistake somehow became her fault. He never wanted to admit to his actions. Actually, he never even tried because he never even cared. That is the thing with psychopaths, they don’t have the need to feel remorse, they never regret anything, and they lack the ability to feel what others feel through.

As the poison of jealousy filled him, he became more violent towards everyone related to her. He desperately wanted her to be isolated, from her support system, into his merciless trap.

She had so much to offer to the wold; her unwavering weapons of affection and compassion to mankind made him feel vulnerable and insecure to the core. He wanted her to be like a submissive, timid rat. squeaking in the corner, cowering and begging before his indomitable power, his ultimate control. 

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1 COMMENT

  1. I can not put into words how much your writing has touched me in every aspect. It is more than beautifully written and well put together. I think I felt almost every emotion while reading this. It has touched me in a way that is unimaginable. It definitely inspired me and motivated me even more than I am now. Not to even look back nor feel guilty. To know I wasn’t really going crazy or insane that I wasnt really loosing my mind at all it was just someone else’s sick torturous twisted game that I kept playing without knowing and had never saw coming. To know I didn’t actually loose myself, that I can and will find my true self again as long as I keep that one person out of my life I to will recover. To know and feel the real level of pain I have felt, endured and still feel from the betrayel, hurt and just plain lose of self all together was one thing but to actually know what the cause of all of it was from is another. To know my judgement was that off and what I failed to see was enough to make me more then sick. Once past that part of realization, thats where I’m at now just made me more determined and want to get my life back to what I once knew it as and my true self back even a little more. I feel like there is a new found freedom for myself and im finally feeling happy and definitely less stressed. How peaceful my life is again today, how my beautiful son can just fall right to sleep at night and even how I can lay my own head down at night and fall so fast asleep is all just because.. this time was different for me. I had no contact, I educated myself, I had enough, I did right, I took a stand this time not just for myself but for my only son as well. Just because this time I did not and will not return back to one place I once called home and have raised my small child in. It is a blessing in itself how quiet, loving and patient my life and my son’s life are now. My past has been a long drawn out painful & hurtful one of all sorts but I am entirely grateful that it has opened my eyes to the world in a whole new light. Your writing is also a true whole heartedly honest reminder for me of my past that ill forever keep with me. I will overcome it all, maybe not today but one day at a time. This time I am more determined then I have ever been before. Its like an awakening and an escape I’ve never saw coming but always dreamt of. I will keep your writing in close hands for my times of weakness since he will forever be in my life bc of our child together. I will reread this many times I’m sure of it and will remind myself that I am doing the right thing and need to keep looking forward towards a brighter future not my hidden darkened past that is at times still haunting me. Again, thank you for sharing this it has made me feel like I can be an even stronger woman and mother. It also made me feel understood since a lot of the time I feel misunderstood or like no one else knows what I really feel like or been through bc it is and was the hardest thing for me to even put together and really grasp since there were so many different dynamics of it all and sometimes to much for me to relive and talk about. It really is a sad situation for all of us that is or has went through this. Something that I think needs more attention, more awareness and should be brought to light more because I can only imagine how many other people are still living feeling stuck, scared, ALONE and as ashamed as I was and unwilling to talk about it with anyone else fearing it was myself, or just convinced I deserved it. We don’t play victim, we are the victim! I wish they would talk and she’d light on abuse more often. Maybe then some ppl would be more educated on it and would know the signs and what to really look for. After so long of being abused you really can not make an accurate thought, it starts to become okay and then the normal even if it wasn’t. Had I been aware or even knew more about emotional abuse and narcissism maybe I could have stopped myself from being tormented and belittled for the past 6 years of my life. Hopefully in the years to come there will be more light shed on abuse and those two topics exspecially. The word needs to get out there more of what it is and like to live it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Very meaningful to me. You’ve inspired me! Thank you, again.

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