How Life Changes After Being Broken By An Emotional Psychopath-

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Life Changes After Being Broken By Emotional Psychopath

She was an ordinary girl, with ordinary dreams and hopes. She had faith in love and deep down in her heart, she knew her story would have an ideal ending. Not that she wasn’t familiar with stories of toxic relationships, where a person was left broken by an emotional psychopath, but she never thought those horrifying tales would become her reality.

“Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the one person who you thought would never hurt you.” ― Gugu Mofokeng

All along, she dreamt of a normal lifestyle where she is just happy– a dream we all share right? Her desires were simple– a place of her own, nothing fancy, just a cozy place she can call her own. And a loving man by her side, who would admire and respect her for who she is and eventually, she would start a family with him. She wanted to teach her kids all the lessons she had learned in her life.

Is that too much to ask for? She just wanted some happiness and peace, and truth be said, a girl like her deserved nothing less, if not more. Sadly, life set a different course for her.

All her dreams crashed and were replaced by nightmares. What was worse, she couldn’t escape this loop of terrifying nightmares that sucked the life out of her. Vibrant shades turned into gloomy, dark colors. Happiness became a distant memory– she was engulfed in misery and pain.

Read You Can Get PTSD From Staying In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

She trusted her heart, believed that it would never misguide her. Unfortunately, this time, even her heart was deceived. Although her gut had warned her, she chose to ignore her instincts. What a mistake! But he was so taken with her in the beginning; she couldn’t help falling for him despite the warning signs from her body. It was as if he had cast a magic spell on her. She responded to nothing and no one but him.

If only she had known that she was actually falling for an emotional psychopath who would leave her broken and change her notion of love forever.

When she met him, she felt all her precious dreams within arm’s reach. She could picture their house in her mind, him by her side, always guarding her against anything bad that might befall. She believed that she would finally have everything she wanted, that she would finally be happy.

True colors exposed…

How could this girl have foreseen the stealthy tricks he would use to control her mind and make her believe she was something she never thought she could be. How could she have ever imagined that her own person would be manipulating and emotionally blackmailing her just to fulfill his selfish needs? If only she had known how cunningly he would shatter her dreams and break her down completely.

She began to see the true nature of things when he could no longer keep up his act. The fairytale she had been living all this while crushed to pieces, her bubble burst. He revealed his true colors. His purpose was served– to make her need him badly. She loved him deeply and wouldn’t find it easy to leave him or walk away from her dreams– and he knew that too well.

Deep down, she was aware of this truth, but she refused to admit it into consciousness.

She refused to accept that he was, in reality, poles apart from the man she had fallen in love with. Bit by bit, she witnessed how he transformed into that monster she had meant to stay away from all her life.

She was in denial because she was aware of how her life would turn upside down if she accepted the sad reality. And her current life would become the type that had always filled her with dread. She was scared of acknowledging how broken she might be after being in a relationship with an emotional psychopath.

Hence, she gave him chances after chances, hoping the next time he would be a changed man. But all in vain! He kept on abusing her, and this non-stop molestation drained the last drop of strength until she became hollow– a mere shadow of her former, beautiful self.

Read Dear Selfless Women, This is Why we Attract Men who Need Fixing

She was the one at fault, all the time. All his mistakes and shortcomings were somehow turned around and blamed on her. Not once would he admit and apologize for his faults. He was incapable of remorse, regret, or understanding how he hurt her. That’s the thing about an emotional psychopath; he simply cannot understand how a person might be broken and hurting because of his actions.

She had much to give to the world. Her gifts of compassion and generosity would do wonders if used for the betterment of mankind. But he couldn’t stand it– it made him insecure and jealous to the core. He wanted ultimate control over his girl. He wanted her to be timid, powerless and cowering in a corner, pleading before his absolute power and control.

Read The Reason Why The Girl Who Fixes People Often Ends Up In Toxic Relationships

When the toxic emotions of jealousy filled his mind, he became more intolerant towards everyone associated with her. He wanted to cut her off from her support systems and imprison her in his ruthless trap.

broken

Calling him self-centered would be insulting the word. He was wrapped up in himself so badly that no emotions could penetrate his harshness. His self-obsession was endless– as long as his needs were satisfied, all was fine, otherwise, all hell broke loose.

He would try to make her believe things that were completely untrue– that’s how he manipulated and brainwashed her.

He knew all the tactics to exploit her love for him. He knew how to convince her that it wasn’t a mistake on his part, that it was she who misunderstood and overreacted. He did it each and every time he wronged her, until she herself began to believe that she was the one at fault, that something was wrong with her.

She thought she was losing her mind and going crazy. She thought she should seek help and fix her mental problems. But she trusted him blindly believing that he was the one who would save her when in reality, he was the monster ruining her.

But there’s something that he overlooked– the indomitable spirit and hope growing inside her slowly but surely. After every episode of blaming and crying, a tiny ray of courage ignited within her.

His continuos ill-treatment, manipulations and fasle accusations nearly finished her. She experienced the darkest and most depressing phase of her life, and felt completely hopeless. But he never could have imagined that the tiny ray of hope and strength left in her would grow strong enough to break free from him!

Read 26 Ways To Take Your Life Back When You’re Broken

The journey of healing after being broken by an emotional psychopath

She was devastated, broken, and left so lonely by her emotional psychopath boyfriend, but she decided to fight for herself, her dreams, and life. Her story wasn’t finished yet, not until she wanted so.

She realized her journey didn’t have to end just yet. In fact, it would actually begin once she left him. She learnt to let go of her need for him. She healed her wounds. She turned a deaf ear to what the world thought of her. She didn’t let her pride mess with her healing process.

The journey of healing was a long one. She had to rebuilt herself from the ashes and rise again like a phoenix.

She was victimized by this man for too long. He drained her of her essence and destroyed her to the core. And she will be a mess for a long time now, but that’s okay. She will bury herself in her bed and cry often, and thats alright too. She has the right to doubt people, especially those who try to enter her life and offer free help. She will suspect every person wanting to connect with her. But can she help it? He turned her into this person. Her self-worth was almost non-existent. But she has it in her to heal and be happy once again.

Her dreams have changed. Love no longer had a place in her life. Those were her old dreams before she knew him, which were shattered irreparably. And she knew she would be scared to give her heart to someone again because her perception of love was altered completely– it was no longer beautiful in her mind.

Love felt like a pain because of him, and it would be that way for some time now. He made her hate the experience of love. Through his manipulations and emotional trauma, he made her want to run away from love. She wouldn’t be able to fall in love again, not unless she found her old self.

Read How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved

She never got the chance to experience true, selfless love, and enjoy the safety and support that comes from a place of genuine care. Her image of love was one of neglect, loneliness and lots of pain– a picture far from the true nature of love. It will take a lot of time and healing before she can trust someone again and open her heart to love. But on the other side of doubting and resisting is acceptance. Because true love finds a way to enter your life, it doesn’t give up.

Right now, she needs to be alone. She needs as much time as she can have to heal her wounds, reformat her thoughts, and understand her feelings and set them right. She needs to make sense of right and wrong. This is her second chance at life, she has to learn to live it well first.

Read 7 things you need to do to heal emotionally

But one thing is for sure– she will win this battle. She will emerge a stronger woman who never gives up. No matter how broken she feels, she will find that last speck of strength to fight for herself. She will be a pillar of strength, as strong as a storm-ravaged night that survived.

In the end, the loss is the psychopath’s, who tried so hard to destroy her but failed, nonetheless.

The truth is that her life can never be the same as it was before the abuse. But her experiecne has helped her develop a down-to-earth view of life, and taught her numerous things. It enlightened her, giving her a thousand reasons to be happy with life. She is aware that she has just one chance at life, and she won’t waste her precious time wallowing in self-pity, and accept nothing less than the absolute best.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. – Cayla Mills

May you never have to experience the life-shattering feelings that fill you when you are broken by an emotional psychopath…but if you have terrible experiences to share, join the discussion below. We will be definitely reply back.


Inside The Mind Of A Girl Who's Broken By An Emotional Psychopath
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Reyna Charles

Responses

  1. M Hasili Avatar
    M Hasili

    I can not put into words how much your writing has touched me in every aspect. It is more than beautifully written and well put together. I think I felt almost every emotion while reading this. It has touched me in a way that is unimaginable. It definitely inspired me and motivated me even more than I am now. Not to even look back nor feel guilty. To know I wasn’t really going crazy or insane that I wasnt really loosing my mind at all it was just someone else’s sick torturous twisted game that I kept playing without knowing and had never saw coming. To know I didn’t actually loose myself, that I can and will find my true self again as long as I keep that one person out of my life I to will recover. To know and feel the real level of pain I have felt, endured and still feel from the betrayel, hurt and just plain lose of self all together was one thing but to actually know what the cause of all of it was from is another. To know my judgement was that off and what I failed to see was enough to make me more then sick. Once past that part of realization, thats where I’m at now just made me more determined and want to get my life back to what I once knew it as and my true self back even a little more. I feel like there is a new found freedom for myself and im finally feeling happy and definitely less stressed. How peaceful my life is again today, how my beautiful son can just fall right to sleep at night and even how I can lay my own head down at night and fall so fast asleep is all just because.. this time was different for me. I had no contact, I educated myself, I had enough, I did right, I took a stand this time not just for myself but for my only son as well. Just because this time I did not and will not return back to one place I once called home and have raised my small child in. It is a blessing in itself how quiet, loving and patient my life and my son’s life are now. My past has been a long drawn out painful & hurtful one of all sorts but I am entirely grateful that it has opened my eyes to the world in a whole new light. Your writing is also a true whole heartedly honest reminder for me of my past that ill forever keep with me. I will overcome it all, maybe not today but one day at a time. This time I am more determined then I have ever been before. Its like an awakening and an escape I’ve never saw coming but always dreamt of. I will keep your writing in close hands for my times of weakness since he will forever be in my life bc of our child together. I will reread this many times I’m sure of it and will remind myself that I am doing the right thing and need to keep looking forward towards a brighter future not my hidden darkened past that is at times still haunting me. Again, thank you for sharing this it has made me feel like I can be an even stronger woman and mother. It also made me feel understood since a lot of the time I feel misunderstood or like no one else knows what I really feel like or been through bc it is and was the hardest thing for me to even put together and really grasp since there were so many different dynamics of it all and sometimes to much for me to relive and talk about. It really is a sad situation for all of us that is or has went through this. Something that I think needs more attention, more awareness and should be brought to light more because I can only imagine how many other people are still living feeling stuck, scared, ALONE and as ashamed as I was and unwilling to talk about it with anyone else fearing it was myself, or just convinced I deserved it. We don’t play victim, we are the victim! I wish they would talk and she’d light on abuse more often. Maybe then some ppl would be more educated on it and would know the signs and what to really look for. After so long of being abused you really can not make an accurate thought, it starts to become okay and then the normal even if it wasn’t. Had I been aware or even knew more about emotional abuse and narcissism maybe I could have stopped myself from being tormented and belittled for the past 6 years of my life. Hopefully in the years to come there will be more light shed on abuse and those two topics exspecially. The word needs to get out there more of what it is and like to live it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Very meaningful to me. You’ve inspired me! Thank you, again.

    1. Lisa Avatar
      Lisa

      I too can’t put into words how your story is exactly the life I’m living this very moment. As I sit in LOUD silence, Thank God it’s started to rain. Take that roar of the silence outta my head for just a little while please! My only other escape is my music. Just February last year after almost 8 years of marriage I learned or I should say, It was the beginning of my journey of learning this whole new person; that for the past 6 1/2 years was my amazing, kind, just outstanding man. To now this down right inhuman person he’s become. This is why I’m so confused. My husband was never not one sign of narcissistic in any way, shape or form. And from the bottom of my heart. Pls trust that I’m not giving him not one tiny lil bit of credit!!! He deserves nothing!! When meth came into the picture I started to see a slight change in him but just shrugged it off. About 5 months into us both at the time 2017 smoking that trash. He called me outta my name for the 1st time in 6 1/2 years. I knew I was done with it. Just wish I would’ve been aware of narcissism. By the time it popped up on my Pinterest page, I’d already lost myself. I have always had a rough go at life. Always being victimized even from early as age 6/7 so I just thought it was just gonna be another one of those beat me down physically relationships. Not meaning for that to sound like I’m oking it by all means. Just meant like whoop-py here we go again. Boy was I wrong. As I’m laying here barricaded in my room, thanking God for the sound of the rain pouring down. Can feel and see my heart pounding so hard, it’s literally moving my body. What’s left of me. I’ve lost over 30 pounds and 22” of my hair melted like cotton candy off my head when I showered. I was surpassed my limit of knowledgeable decisions on my own. March 21st 2018 was the 1st time I’d ever had a nervous breakdown. I kept myself locked in my room for 4 days until I finally gave in and called my mom. She’s all I have left. I mean I’ve got my kids boy 27 girl 25 but I don’t wanna burden my kids anymore because of my sorry choices in men. They’d seen and heard enough in their lives already until almost 9 years ago. They too thought I’d finally found a good man. Job, home, his own car. Just everything I’d ever wanted and had never had in them so called past relationships. Oh no it just stopped raining here comes the huge butterflies in my stomach and the silent roar in my head. Jesus why me? I’d give the shirt off my back to a stranger. I don’t understand what I’ve done so wrong in my life to treated like someone’s punching bag 🙁 can I pls finish this later? I’m absolutely exhausted. He’s high as a kite and while he’s content. I need sleep. I’m sorry if I bored ya to death. So much more I really need to talk about If I may please. And you vice versa kk. I’m dosing off now. My body is worn. I need your HELP I have taken a stand and I hope I get a chance to share it with you and hopefully you can come a part of it too. It’s all through music. God bless. Ttys?

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