How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved

Are you feeling unwanted and unloved? Unable to cope up with the feeling of abandoned?




You feel a sense of anger and deep pain rippling through you. How could they leave you so brutally, and without a second thought?

How could they take your love and trust, and throw it to the wind as if it didnโ€™t even matter โ€“ as if YOU didnโ€™t matter?



If youโ€™ve experienced abandonment in your life before you will know how far the wounds of being โ€œsecond bestโ€ or โ€œnot worth itโ€ run within you. You will be very aware of how feeling unwanted has changed the person you are and the way you interact with others.

Related: The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness and What To Do About It

One thing Iโ€™ve learned on my path is that abandonment takes many different shapes and forms. Feeling unwanted and unloved can manifest itself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually. But the one thing that all of these different facets of being neglected have in common is the big gaping hole they leave in our lives.




Today I want to explore that void within you.

โ€œI AM NOT WORTH ITโ€ MIGHT BE YOUR CORE WOUND

When we experience a severe form of abandonment or neglect, particularly at a young age, the shock from that experience tends to stay with us for the rest of our lives. But these shocking experiences continue to dwell within us only if we fail to explore them. These experiences when left unexamined for too long become our core wounds or the deepest fundamental beliefs that we have about ourselves on an unconscious level.

Related: Existential Depression, Sensitivity and Soul Loss

As Sol wrote in his article โ€œHow to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest Core Woundโ€:

Our core wounds are our deepest seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:

โ€œI am flawed and therefore a bad person.โ€




โ€œI must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.โ€

Other common core wounds that arise as a product of feeling unwanted include, โ€œI am not worth it,โ€ โ€œI am unlovable,โ€ and โ€œI am irreparably broken.โ€

4 WAYS TO DEAL WITH FEELING UNWANTED AND UNLOVED

We have found ourselves in a period of time that I like to call the Individualist Era. As our ability to communicate empathetically and meaningfully with others breaks down as a result of our โ€œME FIRST!โ€ corporate and materialist culture, we find that our families, friendships, and relationships are as unstable as ever. Therefore, more and more of us are experiencing the isolation of being abandoned, cheated, and forgotten and feeling unwanted.

What can we do to explore and heal these core wounds? How can we tear down the brick walls that shelter the tattered remnants of our hearts? And finally, how can we become stronger, more whole people again?

Like you, I have experienced abandonment in many different shapes and forms. Like you, I have suffered terribly as a result of it. But today I want to provide you with something proactive, something that will empower you to take your life in your own hands again.

This is what I have personally learned about facing the pain of feeling unwanted:

1. MOST PEOPLE DONโ€™T WANT THEMSELVES.

In other words, most people donโ€™t LIKE, respect, or even value themselves. There is a huge self-love deficit in our society which is reflected in every layer of our lives. As a result, those of us who struggle with loving ourselves tend to sabotage our relationships with others. How can a person who doesnโ€™t know how to love themselves show love towards others? It doesnโ€™t happen. Understanding this can help you to better empathize with others, or at the very least, comprehend why they behave the way they do.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion




If you are feeling unwanted, watch this video to know the secret to being enough:

2. YOU ARE A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE, BUT YOU DONโ€™T HAVE TO PITY YOURSELF.

I discovered this the hard way: the more you victimize yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stuck in cycles of misery and resentment. Itโ€™s tempting to use our stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make us secretly feel righteous and special, but the truth is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but constantly revisiting and dwelling on our stories is unhealthy and even self-destructive. Iโ€™ve found that accepting what happened is vital to the process of inner growth and transformation, WITHOUT self-pity.

Related: 11 Things People With Anxiety Want You To Know

3. EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT SOULFUL CAPACITY.

Just as everything in life goes through various stages of maturation, so too does the soul. Why is it that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? I believe the answer lies in something I call soulful maturity. I explore this concept more in-depth in my book. Soulful maturity determines how much capacity we have for forethought, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love โ€“ and these factors all have an impact on the way we treat others. For example, some people are naturally pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the โ€œother,โ€ while other groups of people are open, accepting, and peace-making.

So what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted and abandoned? Well, the point is that some people just donโ€™t have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and faithful โ€“ at least for now. They havenโ€™t reached that point in their soulful maturing yet. Thus their behavior can come across as insensitive, reckless, and even cruel.




Understanding that everyone has a different soulful capacity has helped me to personally become a more lenient and forgiving person.

4. IT IS POSSIBLE TO FILL THAT EMPTY HOLE YOURSELF.

It sounds crazy, right? How can we fill the empty holes within ourselves? Donโ€™t we need other people by default to do that for us? No, we donโ€™t. As children we did, but as adults, we donโ€™t. Unfortunately, many of us still carry the unconscious belief that we need to find another person to help us become whole and complete. But have you ever questioned the validity or truth in this belief? Donโ€™t get me wrong, other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never authentically fill that void within you. Only you can.

Related: How Children Of Obsessed Parents End Up Feeling Lost and Empty

But how? One of the best ways I have learned to do this (particularly if you were abandoned as a child emotionally, mentally or physically), is by learning how to re-parent your inner child. I explore how to do that in this article. However, if you are dealing with the pain of feeling unloved as an adult (perhaps as a result of divorce or breakup), self-love is the ultimate way to overcome this trauma. I explore how to love yourself in this article.

FINAL THOUGHTS โ€ฆ

Learning how to love yourself is hard โ€“ so is learning how to re-parent your inner child โ€“ however, they are both vital tools that will help you to become vulnerable again, and therefore receptive to giving and receiving love.

What is your opinion on the advice given in this article? Have you managed to deal with your feelings of being unwanted, and if so, how?




Written by Aletheia Luna
Article originally appeared on LonerWolf

Feeling Unwanted
Feeling Unwanted


Published On:

Last updated on:

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You can have every material success in the world and still not be happy. Happiness comes from within and without.

As a psychiatrist and empath, I respect that each person has different values and needs. Because of this, I know never to judge a personโ€™s happiness simply by how they appear to the world.

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This isn’t always noble and the right thing to do. It is related to a pattern known as the self sacrifice schema, which involves a deeply rooted belief that other peopleโ€™s needs always come before your own.

It often starts early in life. Maybe you were praised for being โ€œthe helper.โ€ Maybe you learned that expressing your own needs caused conflict, or that your role was to keep others happy. Over time, this belief becomes automatic. You give too much, too often, until you’re left feeling invisible and exhausted. You’re a people-pleaser now.

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Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is part of being human.

Instead of saying โ€œLook on the bright side,โ€ ask, โ€œHow can I support you right now?โ€

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How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved

Written By:

Are you feeling unwanted and unloved? Unable to cope up with the feeling of abandoned?




You feel a sense of anger and deep pain rippling through you. How could they leave you so brutally, and without a second thought?

How could they take your love and trust, and throw it to the wind as if it didnโ€™t even matter โ€“ as if YOU didnโ€™t matter?



If youโ€™ve experienced abandonment in your life before you will know how far the wounds of being โ€œsecond bestโ€ or โ€œnot worth itโ€ run within you. You will be very aware of how feeling unwanted has changed the person you are and the way you interact with others.

Related: The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness and What To Do About It

One thing Iโ€™ve learned on my path is that abandonment takes many different shapes and forms. Feeling unwanted and unloved can manifest itself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually. But the one thing that all of these different facets of being neglected have in common is the big gaping hole they leave in our lives.




Today I want to explore that void within you.

โ€œI AM NOT WORTH ITโ€ MIGHT BE YOUR CORE WOUND

When we experience a severe form of abandonment or neglect, particularly at a young age, the shock from that experience tends to stay with us for the rest of our lives. But these shocking experiences continue to dwell within us only if we fail to explore them. These experiences when left unexamined for too long become our core wounds or the deepest fundamental beliefs that we have about ourselves on an unconscious level.

Related: Existential Depression, Sensitivity and Soul Loss

As Sol wrote in his article โ€œHow to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest Core Woundโ€:

Our core wounds are our deepest seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:

โ€œI am flawed and therefore a bad person.โ€




โ€œI must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.โ€

Other common core wounds that arise as a product of feeling unwanted include, โ€œI am not worth it,โ€ โ€œI am unlovable,โ€ and โ€œI am irreparably broken.โ€

4 WAYS TO DEAL WITH FEELING UNWANTED AND UNLOVED

We have found ourselves in a period of time that I like to call the Individualist Era. As our ability to communicate empathetically and meaningfully with others breaks down as a result of our โ€œME FIRST!โ€ corporate and materialist culture, we find that our families, friendships, and relationships are as unstable as ever. Therefore, more and more of us are experiencing the isolation of being abandoned, cheated, and forgotten and feeling unwanted.

What can we do to explore and heal these core wounds? How can we tear down the brick walls that shelter the tattered remnants of our hearts? And finally, how can we become stronger, more whole people again?

Like you, I have experienced abandonment in many different shapes and forms. Like you, I have suffered terribly as a result of it. But today I want to provide you with something proactive, something that will empower you to take your life in your own hands again.

This is what I have personally learned about facing the pain of feeling unwanted:

1. MOST PEOPLE DONโ€™T WANT THEMSELVES.

In other words, most people donโ€™t LIKE, respect, or even value themselves. There is a huge self-love deficit in our society which is reflected in every layer of our lives. As a result, those of us who struggle with loving ourselves tend to sabotage our relationships with others. How can a person who doesnโ€™t know how to love themselves show love towards others? It doesnโ€™t happen. Understanding this can help you to better empathize with others, or at the very least, comprehend why they behave the way they do.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion




If you are feeling unwanted, watch this video to know the secret to being enough:

2. YOU ARE A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE, BUT YOU DONโ€™T HAVE TO PITY YOURSELF.

I discovered this the hard way: the more you victimize yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stuck in cycles of misery and resentment. Itโ€™s tempting to use our stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make us secretly feel righteous and special, but the truth is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but constantly revisiting and dwelling on our stories is unhealthy and even self-destructive. Iโ€™ve found that accepting what happened is vital to the process of inner growth and transformation, WITHOUT self-pity.

Related: 11 Things People With Anxiety Want You To Know

3. EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT SOULFUL CAPACITY.

Just as everything in life goes through various stages of maturation, so too does the soul. Why is it that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? I believe the answer lies in something I call soulful maturity. I explore this concept more in-depth in my book. Soulful maturity determines how much capacity we have for forethought, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love โ€“ and these factors all have an impact on the way we treat others. For example, some people are naturally pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the โ€œother,โ€ while other groups of people are open, accepting, and peace-making.

So what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted and abandoned? Well, the point is that some people just donโ€™t have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and faithful โ€“ at least for now. They havenโ€™t reached that point in their soulful maturing yet. Thus their behavior can come across as insensitive, reckless, and even cruel.




Understanding that everyone has a different soulful capacity has helped me to personally become a more lenient and forgiving person.

4. IT IS POSSIBLE TO FILL THAT EMPTY HOLE YOURSELF.

It sounds crazy, right? How can we fill the empty holes within ourselves? Donโ€™t we need other people by default to do that for us? No, we donโ€™t. As children we did, but as adults, we donโ€™t. Unfortunately, many of us still carry the unconscious belief that we need to find another person to help us become whole and complete. But have you ever questioned the validity or truth in this belief? Donโ€™t get me wrong, other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never authentically fill that void within you. Only you can.

Related: How Children Of Obsessed Parents End Up Feeling Lost and Empty

But how? One of the best ways I have learned to do this (particularly if you were abandoned as a child emotionally, mentally or physically), is by learning how to re-parent your inner child. I explore how to do that in this article. However, if you are dealing with the pain of feeling unloved as an adult (perhaps as a result of divorce or breakup), self-love is the ultimate way to overcome this trauma. I explore how to love yourself in this article.

FINAL THOUGHTS โ€ฆ

Learning how to love yourself is hard โ€“ so is learning how to re-parent your inner child โ€“ however, they are both vital tools that will help you to become vulnerable again, and therefore receptive to giving and receiving love.

What is your opinion on the advice given in this article? Have you managed to deal with your feelings of being unwanted, and if so, how?




Written by Aletheia Luna
Article originally appeared on LonerWolf

Feeling Unwanted
Feeling Unwanted


Published On:

Last updated on:

, ,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

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You don’t have to be an extravert to connect with strangers.

Key points

Even if you are an introvert, research suggests some painless ways to meet new friends.

People like others who are like them, so look for important values you share with others.

It helps to make yourself useful.

Not all locations are equal when it comes to meeting other people like you.

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How guilt can protect us from a feeling we like even less.

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Guilt can feel like hope, it offers the illusion that change is still possible.

Powerlessness isnโ€™t failure; itโ€™s a boundary that protects our energy.

Letting go of guilt allows rest, which prepares us for when action truly matters.

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Your night time habits play a huge role in how well you sleep, how rested you feel, and how emotionally balanced you are the next day. In fact, studies have shown that simple changes to your sleep routine can boost your mood, improve focus, and even reduce stress levels when you wake up.

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You chase success and power, but have you ever paused to ask what they truly mean for you, your life, and your deeper purpose? Let’s find out below!

Success and power have many facets.

You can have every material success in the world and still not be happy. Happiness comes from within and without.

As a psychiatrist and empath, I respect that each person has different values and needs. Because of this, I know never to judge a personโ€™s happiness simply by how they appear to the world.

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Giving Too Much? 6 Signs You’re Caught In Chronic Self Sacrifice Cycle

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Do you give up things for your partner? Feel responsible for your parentsโ€™ happiness? Does saying no make you feel guilty? If so, you might be caught in a cycle of chronic self sacrifice. Want to know more? Read on below.

This isn’t always noble and the right thing to do. It is related to a pattern known as the self sacrifice schema, which involves a deeply rooted belief that other peopleโ€™s needs always come before your own.

It often starts early in life. Maybe you were praised for being โ€œthe helper.โ€ Maybe you learned that expressing your own needs caused conflict, or that your role was to keep others happy. Over time, this belief becomes automatic. You give too much, too often, until you’re left feeling invisible and exhausted. You’re a people-pleaser now.

But by just b

Up Next

3 Warning Signs Youโ€™re Drowning In Toxic Positivity

3 Sneaky Ways Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Your Everyday Life

Toxic positivity isn’t just annoyingโ€”it’s exhausting. When you’re constantly forcing a smile, ignoring real emotions, or brushing off pain with โ€œgood vibes only,โ€ you’re deep in the signs of toxic positivity.

It’s time we start rejecting toxic positivity and make space for honesty over forced positivity.

KEY POINTS

When positivity is forced, it can dismiss valid emotions.

Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is part of being human.

Instead of saying โ€œLook on the bright side,โ€ ask, โ€œHow can I support you right now?โ€

Up Next

How To Cope When Dysregulated Loved Ones Drive You Crazy

How To Cope With Dysregulated Behavior? 5 Clear Ways

When loved ones are emotionally dysregulated, it can feel overwhelming. Here’s how to stay grounded, protect your peace, and support them without losing yourself.

A few metaphors to help improve interpersonal effectiveness in times of distress.

Key points

It can be very distressing when loved ones are angry, insulting, or demanding.

We can stand firm in choosing what we will and wonโ€™t do in response to their dysregulation.

Maintaining our own boundaries and sense of perspective is key.

When people we care