How To Be Single After A Long Term Relationship?

Even after giving some of your best years to your love life, you ended up with a broken heart. While there is no quick fix to heartache, you might want to learn how to be single after a long-term relationship ends and let the healing start.

When you have been in a steady and committed relationship for a considerable amount of time, being single again takes some serious life adjustments. Whether you willingly walked out of your relationship or the breakup was sprung upon you, it’s never easy to deal with life after a long relationship ends.

So, how do you deal with the end of a long-term relationship in the best possible manner and come out of this ordeal stronger?

Read: Feeling Down in the Dumps? 7 Things to Do About It

How To Be Single After A Long-Term Relationship?

When you are in gut-wrenching pain after the end of your relationship of several years, it might seem improbable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But believe us, you CAN be single and happy after a long relationship ends. Let us tell you how!

1. Lean On Your Support System

One of the most rewarding experiences of life certainly is building and maintaining a close-knitted support network. This could very well include your family, friends, coworkers, and any other non-romantic relationship. Being in a committed relationship took a lot of your time.

But now you can make it a point to leverage your newfound singlehood to focus on these other relationships that were on the back burner till now. When you lean on the warm and fuzzy care of your loved ones, it serves a 3 fold purpose:

• You realize you have enough love and support to live a single and happy life
• You will have someone to talk to when you need to open up about your feelings
• They will help take your mind off things that remind you of your lost love

How to be single after a long-term relationship? Pick up the phone and talk to someone now!

2. Choose Positivity

Easier said than done, right? We are not saying that the things that you are feeling after your relationship ended, are negative. We are just asking you to mindfully choose positivity when you are plagued with despair, hopelessness, or emotional fatigue.

While it’s okay to cry and let it all out, you also need to know when to stop. The sudden end of your relationship might make it hard to see the silver lining in the dark clouds of depression, but if you stay in this energy for too long, you will slow down your healing process.

Do you want to know how to be single after a long-term relationship? Clean up, dress up, and show up! Put on your best outfit and some make-up, and go out with your friends. It will do you good to meet new people and spend some quality time with your friends.

If you are struggling to gather energy and make some positive changes, try these following tips:

• Practice saying out loud positive affirmations such as “I can get through this and create a happy life for myself”.
• Write down your positive intentions in your journal along with specific strategies to make your life better.
• Stay away from places and things that might remind you of your ex, including their social media profiles.
• Define your goals in life and plan out strategies to realize them.

3. Get Busy

While we are not asking you to drown yourself with work and not carve out time to rest, it will help if you can find some interesting hobbies and activities that will keep you busy. What makes you happy? Do more of that! Even if it’s playing video games.

You can also try your hands at something new like trekking or go back to an old favorite activity such as cooking or reading. Creative projects like redesigning your home or joining a pottery class are sure good options as well. You can also:

• Join a gym or fitness course like Zumba or pilates
• Volunteer at the local shelter
• Go for daily walks
• Participate in activities like Escape Room with your single friends
• Go on a weekend trip

How to be single after a long-term relationship? Keep your schedule filled with more enjoyable tasks.

4. Don’t Chase New Relationships

One of the blunders that can reset your healing is going for a rebound relationship. You might feel jumping into a new relationship will solve all your problems; you will no longer be lonely, you can get even with your ex who is already seeing someone, or you can have someone to sleep with at night.

While all your desires are natural and valid, they will not help you move on. Eventually, your pent-up issues will blow up and ruin your new liaison. Sooner or later you will project your unresolved emotions onto your new unsuspecting partner and go through another messy breakup that your mental health cannot afford.

How to be single after a long-term relationship? Don’t chase love, let love find you again.

5. Do Solo Acts

One of the most difficult things that you have to do after separating from your long-term partner is doing things all by yourself. From grocery shopping to dinner, from going to movies to attending exhibitions, you did everything together. And now you have to depend on others to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

But we suggest you do more things on your own. You should see your friends and hang out with them but you should also take up activities that you can do alone. By doing things alone you will feel more confident.

If you were worried about remaining alone for the rest of your life or how to be single after a long-term relationship, doing solo activities will get you out of the funk. Try the following:

• Take yourself to the movies
• Treat yourself with a fine dinner
• Go for solo trips
• Get a library membership

6. Don’t Forget The Mute Ones

Don’t underestimate the loving energy that your pets can bring to you. Spend more time with these loyal and caring companions if you want to feel better. You can also devote some time to the local animal shelter. By being around these pure forms of positive energies, your happy hormones will get you in a much better place mentally.

How to be single after a long-term relationship? Hug your fur babies, play with them, feed them, take them out for walks, and leave your sadness behind.

7. Send Reminders To Self

Always remember that your mind might play tricks on you. After a long relationship ends, it’s quite easy to forget all the conflicts and negativities and remember only the good times. When you find yourself second-guessing the breakup or considering groveling to your ex, remind yourself of all the reasons for your separation. Nothing is worth your dignity and well-being, not even a stable and long-term relationship.

Still not clear on how to be single after a long-term relationship? The next section might help a little more.

Dos and Don’ts On How To Cope With Being Single After A Long-Term Relationship:

Now let’s summarize all those pointers with the help of some clear dos and don’ts on how to be single after a long-term relationship.

Dos

• Try to accept the situation
• Write down your feelings, goals, and plans in a journal
• Indulge in creative pursuits, like baking, pottery, etc.
• Be more emotionally independent
• Hang out with friends who are single or going through a separation
• Delete your ex from your social media accounts
• Crying can be cathartic so don’t feel bad about crying your heart out

Don’ts

• Blame yourself for everything that went wrong in your relationship
• Trying to be friends with your ex right away after the split
• Contacting them every time you face an issue or feel down at the dumps
• Contacting them at odd hours, such as late in the night
• Wait for closure from your ex-partner

Read: How Accepting Things You Cannot Change Makes You Finally Free To Be Yourself

Partners With Kids: How To Be Single Again After A Long-Term Relationship Ends?

For those who have children from their past relationships, getting along with single life can be even more daunting. If you are facing the question of how to be single after a long-term relationship with kids, the following tips can help you  manage this trying situation:

• It’s ideal for both the parents to be present while communicating the news of their separation to their children, to instill a sense of security in the minds of the kids.
• Before breaking the news, iron out the details regarding any forthcoming changes that might affect the children, such as moving out of a parent, change of school, etc.
• Be prepared for the onslaught of painful emotions that are likely to arise due to the separation from your kids.
• Never try to turn your kids on the other parent and their new partner.
• Process your emotions and appear well put together in front of your children.
• Never misbehave or fight with your ex-partner in the presence of your kids.
• Encourage your children to open up to you about their feelings and properly address their concerns.

Why Healing After A Long-Term Relationship Is So Complex?

When you are with someone for a long time, you get used to their company; sharing every little detail of your life with them, planning a future together, getting to know each other’s family, going to bed together, and waking up with them by your side.

And when all of a sudden all is gone and you are left with a big gnawing hole in your heart, you keep asking yourself how to move on? How to be single after a long-term relationship?

You might get tempted to fill this vacuum with food, booze, or other indiscretions. In fact, many people jump into new relationships right after their breakup so that they don’t have to go through the loneliness and sadness that come with the end of a long-term relationship.

But this is not the right way to go about it. What happens after a long-term relationship ends, is whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, you experience an emotional upheaval. You might feel angry, betrayed, sad, or remorseful.

You might also get desperate to get your ex back and do things like stalking them virtually or calling them incessantly; all these lead to more shame, regrets, and sadness.

You need to process and resolve all these troubling emotions while consciously trying to bring yourself back to a stable and happy state of mind before you can move on.

You Are Your Longest Relationship

So, how do you get used to being alone after a long-term relationship? By practicing self-love and self-constraint. Don’t give in to your fears and insecurities, and mindfully cultivate habits that will give you a sense of pleasure and accomplishment. Love yourself and work towards having a successful, interesting, and enriched life.

If you are still struggling with the topic of how to be single after a long-term relationship, consider getting in touch with a therapist or mental health professional. 

Read: How To Heal When Your Ex Has Moved On But You Haven’t

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