3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets Your Toxic Partner Is Using Against You

3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets

If you have realized that your partner is toxic, then here are narcissist secrets that you must know. You realize you’re in a war, right?

Ok, so maybe no actual firearms or tanks are involved, but you are definitely in a bloody battle for your sanity.

I hate to dredge up the painful reality of it all, but your toxic, self-absorbed partner is using the three best-kept narcissist secrets against you! 

Secrets that, when used proficiently, can bring other human beings to their knees – regardless of status, intellect, education, or material wealth.

…dirty, narcissist secrets that can (and often do) result in their unsuspecting partners becoming so broken and dysfunctional that they lose everything – careers, children, homes, licenses (such as those required to perform as doctors, attorneys, and therapists), bank accounts, and worst of all, their sense of self.

Below, I offer an insider exposé that will have you screaming, “Victory!!”  – or at the very least, make everything clear so that you’ll feel empowered to detach from the madness, reclaim your good judgement and reason, and move towards your new life.

1. Narcissists will not appreciate anything you do to accommodate and placate them.

I know you work hard to please your partner.  I sure did, back in the day when I was “green” narcissistic supply.   I could go into the hellish details of all I did for him and his family, but I’ll spare you.

Narcissists want you to believe that even your best efforts are not good enough.  The reason they do this is so they can keep you scurrying about for their approval, but never quite receiving it.  Before long, you’re doing the work of three people, yet not being acknowledged for it.

Maybe they really liked the chocolate cake you made them last year for their birthday, but after that, each time you made it for them, there was something wrong with it.

Or perhaps, once upon a time, they said you looked pretty when they picked you up for a date, but ever since then you can’t seem to dress right, the colors you wear are all wrong, you’ve gained weight, etc.  Why can’t you just dress like the new secretary at their job or the new CEO who always looks so sharp? 

Do you work two jobs, keep the house clean, pay most or all of all the bills, take care of their errands, and/or cook dinner most nights, but never receive even a simple nod of approval?

This cruel tactic works in two ways – 1) it ensures you will be willing to do whatever they ask at a moment’s notice (hoping they’ll show some sign of appreciation), and 2) destroy your confidence and self-esteem as you develop the belief that nothing you do is ever good enough.

Even if you are highly successful in your professional life and have friends and family who’ve always appreciated what you’ve done for them, the narcissist doesn’t want you to feel any pride or sense of accomplishment – because if you did, you might realize they are using you and consequently decide to do something about it.

“Blow, blow, thou winter wind Thou art not so unkind, as man’s ingratitude.” ~ William Shakespeare

Want to know if your partner’s a narcissist?  Stop catering to their excessive demands and see how they react.

2. Narcissists DO know exactly how to reel you in

Narcissistic-type individuals truly do have a sixth sense when it comes to snagging people into relationships with them, and it doesn’t have anything to do with their target’s status, wealth, or intelligence.  These toxic individuals are able to detect vulnerability and loneliness in others.  Generally, these states of being originated in childhood and/or early adulthood and were intensified through unsuccessful relationships and life events.

13 thoughts on “3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets Your Toxic Partner Is Using Against You”

  1. Avatar of Michael osi

    Pls i admire a women n i asked her that want to be her boyfriend but she says lets be brother n sister i asked her plenty time but thats how she answers me i usually think of her alot i spent alot on her but she is still stubborn

  2. Avatar of Kates David

    I do nt necessarily agree with the entirety of this, narcissists are still individuals, and similar childhood experience does not pan out in the same identical way for everyone. For one thing, similar is never quite the same as, and for another there are hereditary factors. Life experience since can play its role too. To club them all together is prejudicial.
    They have not necessarily lost the ability to appreciate for when appreciation is in vain some personality types will continue to appreciate ever more.
    They wont likely express appreciation though, and they will likely be in denial of it. They have of course all been left needy but their psychologies are not invariably the same. Of course they
    ll want to “reel you in”, everybody in need of a relationship, so that`s virtually everybody not already in one, will want for the same, “to reel you in”, and narcissists lye because they cannot confront their truth. Much of what they are about likely tends to being spontaneous, and spontaneous or not the same patterns of behavior might emerge.

  3. Avatar of Juliegirl5

    Number one—I’m sorry for the situation, your children and for the hurt and suffering you are dealing with. Prayer has been my saving grace, if you are a Christian, you know this. If you are not a Christian, I will pray with you or speak with a local pastor.
    Number two—know that your boys are being brainwashed by the toxic parent. Do not sink to her level and belittle her to your children. Again, pray, pray, pray. When any opportunity arises for your influence, positive reinforcement only.
    Number three—keep a journal that the toxic parent does not have access to. Keep every single incident from the beginning of your relationship through current. Document EVERYTHING. After doing this, have your journal notarized. If you can, have an additional copy just to be safe. If possible record every conversation with her. Also, if you can, press charges for slander, for defamation of character.
    You may check with local attorneys for pro-bono.
    Number four—keep you head and spirits up if possible. Do not engage with the toxic parent at all. When and if you have to, with children being involved-ALWAYS have a witness with you while recording also. With another individual with you, it isn’t your word against hers.
    Good luck to you, and focus on the positive things, leave the negative up to her.
    You loved this person at some point, I’m sure, pray for her to get better, she is miserably unhappy with herself, henceforth stealing your happiness.
    I’m sorry for your loss of two brothers, know that this is not a forever situation, with Jesus on your side, there is always s better tomorrow.

  4. Avatar of Ellipsis Grant Hamilton

    I keep coming as cross these articles and wholeheartedly agree; but my question is what when it’s a female narcissists? A female narc who currently has the kids because she unilaterally decided they were going with her, who let’s me see them once or twice a week for an hour or two at a time? And everybody says take her to court and do this or that, but before she left me she called the people I was working for and started a bunch of stuff going there and then through MY mistakes because of everything going on in life I ended up losing my job, I had lost 8 close friends during a rough period of life and had just lost both of my brothers 6 months apart right before she went on her tirades… insulting my then dead brothers, insulting my efforts to memorialize them saying no gives a crap what you have to say about your dead brothers, punching me, throwing my brothers memorial books at me, belittling everything single thing about me, and just being devastating, she withheld sex for 4 years and i was still trying to make the marriage work for the sake of the kids. She hit me in the back of the head with a mag light flashlight and then called the police in me, I discovered she was cheating and she punched me in the face when I played the recording for her and said that I was creepy, crazy, and a stalker and she no longer felt safe because I had violated her privacy no word on the affair though… the fact is she cleared our accounts everything was joint and I assumed in the beginning when I was giving her money for her and the kids that she was paying the Bill’s but it turned out she was having a new house built and let everything in my name go unpaid so when I found out she was moving out every bill was 4 months behind and now I ca nah t afford to take her to court and she is toxic to those boys who she now says arent even mine and whether I believe her or not doesnt matter because in my heart they are mine… what do you do if you cant bring about justice because of situations she created but you cant sit back and just let your kids slip away either…any advice on this would be great from literally anyone

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