Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist: 3 Narcissist Secrets Your Toxic Partner Is Using Against You

 / 

,
3 Narcissist Secrets Your Toxic Partner Is Using Against You

If you have realized that your partner is toxic, then here are a few narcissist secrets that you must know if you want to protect yourself and stay one step ahead of them. Let’s find out more about narcissistic secrets, how narcissists manipulate you into doing their bidding, and how to know if your partner is a narcissist.

You realize you’re in a war, right?

Ok, so maybe no actual firearms or tanks are involved, but you are definitely in a bloody battle for your sanity.

I hate to dredge up the painful reality of it all, but your toxic, self-absorbed partner is using the three best kept narcissist secrets against you! 

Secrets that, when used proficiently, can bring other human beings to their knees – regardless of status, intellect, education, or material wealth.

…dirty, narcissist secrets that can (and often do) result in their unsuspecting partners becoming so broken and dysfunctional that they lose everything – careers, children, homes, licenses (such as those required to perform as doctors, attorneys, and therapists), bank accounts, and worst of all, their sense of self.

Below, I offer an insider exposé that will have you screaming, “Victory!!”  – or at the very least, make everything clear so that you’ll feel empowered to detach from the madness, reclaim your good judgment and reason, and move towards your new life.

Related: Decoding The Narc Speak: Found In Translation

3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets Your Toxic Partner Is Using Against You

1. Narcissists will not appreciate anything you do to accommodate and placate them.

I know you work hard to please your partner. I sure did, back in the day when I was “green” narcissistic supply. I could go into the hellish details of all I did for him and his family, but I’ll spare you.

Narcissists want you to believe that even your best efforts are not good enough. The reason they do this is so they can keep you scurrying about for their approval, but never quite receiving it. Before long, you’re doing the work of three people, yet not being acknowledged for it.

Maybe they really liked the chocolate cake you made them last year for their birthday, but after that, each time you made it for them, there was something wrong with it.

Or perhaps, once upon a time, they said you looked pretty when they picked you up for a date, but ever since then you can’t seem to dress right, the colors you wear are all wrong, you’ve gained weight, etc. Why can’t you just dress like the new secretary at their job or the new CEO who always looks so sharp? 

Do you work two jobs, keep the house clean, pay most or all of all the bills, take care of their errands, and/or cook dinner most nights, but never receive even a simple nod of approval?

This cruel tactic works in two ways – 1) it ensures you will be willing to do whatever they ask at a moment’s notice (hoping they’ll show some sign of appreciation), and 2) destroy your confidence and self-esteem as you develop the belief that nothing you do is ever good enough.

Even if you are highly successful in your professional life and have friends and family who’ve always appreciated what you’ve done for them, the narcissist doesn’t want you to feel any pride or sense of accomplishment – because if you did, you might realize they are using you and consequently decide to do something about it.

“Blow, blow, thou winter wind Thou art not so unkind, as man’s ingratitude.” ~ William Shakespeare

Want to know if your partner’s a narcissist? Stop catering to their excessive demands and see how they react.

Best kept narcissist secrets

2. Narcissists DO know exactly how to reel you in.

Narcissistic-type individuals truly do have a sixth sense when it comes to snagging people into relationships with them, and it doesn’t have anything to do with their target’s status, wealth, or intelligence. 

These toxic individuals are able to detect vulnerability and loneliness in others. Generally, these states of being originated in childhood and/or early adulthood and were intensified through unsuccessful relationships and life events.

Related: 5 Ways You Can Ignore A Narcissist Who Is Trying To Hurt You

Narcissists and other predatory types can detect vulnerability in people through visual and auditory cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. People who feel vulnerable often avoid direct eye contact with others, tend to look down a lot, speak in softer voices, and/or are overly nice and accommodating upon first meeting them.

Even if a potential target doesn’t display the above behaviors, narcissists can alternately determine if a person is a good target through other behaviors and traits such as high levels of trust, compassion, cooperativeness, and tolerance (traits which they gleefully concede they can take advantage of).

They then use their target’s vulnerability to reel them in and also to keep them enmeshed in a toxic relationship through psychological manipulation which targets their victim’s emotional wounds and destroys his or her self-esteem.

“What we don’t resolve, we often repeat” ~ Sigmund Freud

If you’ve been hurt in the past and/or have a history of choosing partners who end up being detrimental to your well-being, know that this cycle can be broken through committing to yourself and your recovery.

3. Silent treatments work best after you’ve isolated yourself from your friends and family.

The silent treatment is one of the most commonly used narcissist’s secrets. Once the honeymoon/love-bombing phase begins its dismal decline, the narcissist then starts blaming your relationship problems on your outside influences, which may include:  parents, grandparents, siblings, other extended family, exes, best friends, and even children.

After the isolation stage has been successfully implemented, silent treatments can be employed with maximum benefit to the narcissist. After ensuring you have no emotional support, the narcissist can then criticize you without bias.

This is the same technique that was used in North Korean POW camps 1. It was not uncommon for a soldier to wander into his hut, go into a corner, sit down, pull a blanket over his head, and die within two days.

Despite minimal physical torture, the death rate in the North Korean POW camp rose to 38%, with half of the soldiers dying simply because they had given up.

How did this happen? The “ultimate weapon of war”. One that your Narcissist uses against you quite regularly.

Related: Micromanipulation: 5 Ways A Narcissist Controls You

The North Koreans’ objective was to “deny men the emotional support that comes from interpersonal relationships.” 

To do this, the captors used these primary tactics:

  • Withholding all positive emotional support
  • Criticism

They used negativity in its purest and most malicious form. The soldiers had nothing to live for and lost basic belief in themselves and their loved ones, not to mention God and their country. The North Koreans had put the American soldiers into a kind of emotional and psychological isolation, the likes of which had never been seen.

Aside from the silent treatment, does the simple act of walking through your house to go to work seem to induce a psychotic rage in your partner? They want you to feel sorry for being alive. To be so overly anxious that you feel you’re always one minute away from tragedy.

“The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotion-less and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict.” ~ Sam Vaknin

If your partner punishes you by regularly utilizing the silent treatment while being overly critical on the days they are in your company, you can be certain he or she is a sadistic, malicious narc-type who doesn’t deserve your devotion, empathy, or compassion.

How to turn it all around

I hope these narcissist secrets make everything clear to you. While there’s no way to turn it around with your narcissistic partner, there is good news…though it will require making some hard choices.

Perhaps, as a result of this part of your life, you will completely turn your life around for the better.

Maybe you will become more successful and find the perfect, non-disordered partner for you.

Perhaps this experience will allow you to tap into other areas of your life – allowing you to become more creative and fulfilled.

Maybe this happened so you could free yourself from your past and your wounds, and vow to never let another person to mistreat you…

Related: 5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head

But, it all requires detaching from the narcissist in your life. Once you’ve done that and created some distance from the relationship, you can move forward toward healing and see that black clouds often do have silver linings.

If you have enjoyed reading about narcissist secrets then leave a comment below and feel free to share it with your friends.

Want to know more about how narcissists manipulate you? Check this video out below!

Best kept narcissist secrets

Copyright © 2016 Kim Saeed. All Rights Reserved

This article was originally published on Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed and is protected from copyright infringement.  It has been republished on The Minds Journal with permission from the author.

Want to know more about surviving narcissistic abuse?  Check out How to Do No Contact Like a Boss! and 10 Essential Survivor Secrets to Liberate Yourself from Narcissistic Abuse. Join other ‘Let Me Reach’ Survivors and Thrivers on Pinterest.


3 Best kept narcissist secrets
3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets That Will Make Everything Clear
3 Best kept narcissist secrets Pin
The 3 Best Kept Narcissist Secrets That Toxic People Use
narcissistic secrets
sadistic narcissist

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

  1. Michael osi Avatar
    Michael osi

    Pls i admire a women n i asked her that want to be her boyfriend but she says lets be brother n sister i asked her plenty time but thats how she answers me i usually think of her alot i spent alot on her but she is still stubborn

Leave a Reply



Up Next

10 Covert Signs Of A Psychopath: Don’t Be Fooled By Their “Nice” Behavior

Signs Of A Psychopath: Look Out For These Sneaky Signs!

Have you ever wondered what lurks beneath the surface of those seemingly nice, charming and friendly individuals? You know the type—the ones who effortlessly wear a smile, say all the right things but leave you feeling a bit unsettled and uneasy. Well, my friend, get ready because we’re about to discuss the signs of a psychopath.

Don’t worry, I’m not here to scare you, but let’s face it, we all love a good psychological puzzle, right? So, let’s uncover the sneaky signs of a psychopath, the signs that separate the “nice” from the truly dangerous.

Brace yourself, because what you’re about to discover might just blow your mind. Let’s explore more about people who are nice but psychopathic.

Related



Up Next

7 Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Have you interacted with someone who promises you the world, but when the time comes to do good on their promise, they leave you high and dry? Chances are you might be dealing with a future faking narcissist.

Future faking narcissists are charming and diabolical at the same time, and are experts at lying through their teeth. They will paint a picture-perfect image of themselves in front of you and will promise you a beautiful future. However, it’s all smokes and mirrors.

In this article, we are going to talk about the signs of future faking narcissists, so that it’s easier for you to understand when someone is genuinely interested in building a future with you and when someone is simply playing you.



Up Next

The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed thei



Up Next

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Obsessive Ex? 4 Tips For Successfully Handling One

Deal With Your Partner's Obsessive Ex: Tips And Tricks

Have you ever had to deal with an obsessive ex? Moreover, have you ever had to deal with your partner’s obsessive and toxic ex? If you have, you already know how disturbing it is to go through this. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to deal with a toxic ex or deal with your partner’s toxic ex.

My friend is happily married to a man who has a child. He is a devoted and loving father who sought full custody of the children; the court denied his petition.

His two children are living with their narcissistic mother who actively alienates the children from their father. His ex was obsessed with him during their short and turbulent relationship. She was deceitful, abusive, controlling, and highly destructive. They hooked up while drunk.



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With Someone Who Thinks They Are Better Than You

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With It

Have you ever met someone who believes they are inherently better than others? Do they constantly exude an air of superiority, belittle others, or dismiss others’ accomplishments? This is a superiority complex in action. What is a superiority complex?

People who exhibit traits of condescension and arrogance are believed to have a superiority complex, a psychological phenomenon that drives such behavior. Let’s explore the superiority complex in psychology, its signs, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with someone with a superiority complex.

What is a Superiority Complex?

A superiority co



Up Next

What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip

What Is A Devouring Mother? Ways To Overcome Toxicity

Do you feel overwhelmed, smothered, or suffocated by all the love and attention your mother gives you? Perhaps you know people who feel trapped in situations where their mother’s love becomes an all-encompassing affair? This phenomenon is referred to as “The Devouring Mother Archetype.” Let’s explore what is a devouring mother and how to deal with the devouring mother archetype.

What is a Devouring Mother?

The Freudian devouring mother describes a controlling, overbearing motherly figure hampering a child’s development and independence. It is marked by possessiveness and narcissism.

As the term is not a literal description, a devouring Mother does not mean a mother who consumes her children ph