What Bad Boys Know That Nice Guys Don’t

 / 

, ,
Four Interesting Things Bad Boys Do That Good Guys Don't

In the clash between bad boys vs good boys; discover some of the things bad boys do that set them apart from the nice guys. Dive in and understand why women date bad boys!

One of the more tedious ideas in dating advice is the idea of “nice guys finish last” and “girls love bad boys”.

It’s a truism that never seems to fully go away – the idea that women love assholes and will pick them over the self-described “nice guy”.

The idea of assholes and bad boys underpins the PUA and Red Pill philosophies of learning how to be an asshole so women will love you. The whole “alpha fucks, beta bucks” mentality, dread game, negging women in order to prove your value, and so on are all ways to try to dress up in bad boy drag and convince women that you’re “alpha”

Frustrated nice guys will point to the success of the rape-tastic 50 Shades series, articles proclaiming that studies of dubious provenance have proven the high-octane sexiness of bad boys, women of their acquaintance who say they want nice men but go for scoundrels and of course, the asshole who got to their crush before they did.

“I’m doing everything right and I’m still single, so what does he have that I don’t?” demanded the lonely Nice Guys.

But the key to attraction isn’t about treating women like shit, it’s about understanding the underpinnings of why women seem to go for bad boys – even when they say they want someone nice.

The Zen of Douchebags, Assholes, and Bad Boys – Here’s What Bad Boys Know

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming that it’s asshole behavior that makes bad boys appealing. Despite what RooshV and his compatriots may tell you, women aren’t looking for a partner who will gaslight them, neglect them, and generally treat them like shit.

Rating high on the dark triad of personality traits doesn’t magically make you look like a clone of Stephen Amell who also smells like freshly baked cookies.

Now to be fair, it is an understandable mistake to make. Guys who are frustrated by their lack of dating success often look to some singular cause for their failure – especially when it feels as though they’ve been following the path that society and pop-culture have told them to follow.

Related: Why Women Love Bad Boys And Dump Nice Guys

However, in trying to reduce their lack into a single cause – women like assholes, not nice guys – they end up missing the forest for the trees.

It ends up being a case of the illusion of validity, assuming that they’ve correctly understood why women seem to like douchebags and sticking to that interpretation no matter what.

All other evidence gets folded into the idea, regardless of whether it actually works or not.

“Look, It Makes Sense If You Squint.”

Take the stratospheric sales of the 50 Shades series. Men committed to the idea that women want assholes will point to Anastasia Steele as “proof” that women want to be dominated by “alphas”; after all, look at how many women got the screaming thigh-sweats over Christian Grey and his floggers.

Of course, for this to work, one has to ignore that what works as fantasy isn’t necessarily something you would want to do in the real world. Horror movie fans aren’t secretly hoping to be eviscerated by Jason or impregnated by a face-hugger after all.

Nor is it a case that asshole behavior triggers Evo-psych mating instincts in women. In fact, altruistic behavior is much more successful as a mating strategy – prosocial behavior benefits the group overall. While some aspects of the dark triad help with an initial impression, the advantages disappear with familiarity and become a net negative.

Instead, what makes bad boys more attractive is the behavior that tends to exist alongside the more negative traits. It’s not the asshole behavior that makes bad boys attractive, it’s what they do that nice guys don’t.

4 Things Bad Boys Do, That Good Boys Don’t

1. Make Your Move

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before a shy nice guy has a crush on an attractive woman. He spends weeks trying to tell if she likes him back. Then… after days of building up his courage, he makes his move.

That, of course, is when he discovers that she’s dating someone else.

This story is so common that it’s actually the secret origin of half the most notorious PUAs on the net1. It’s a variation on the same story: while they were waiting for the right moment, somebody else swooped in and snatched their crush out from under them.

And of course, this just means that they themselves decide to treat women with disrespect because hey, assholes right?

Ironically enough, this can often result in more dating success. Not, mind you, because being an asshole is attractive but because they didn’t hesitate.

The problem for so many nice guys (and Nice Guys, for that matter) is that they are afraid of rejection. They refuse to make an approach unless they are 110% sure that they’ll succeed.

Related: Why Nice Guys Stay Single

They will dress it up in any number of excuses – they want to wait until the moment’s right, they don’t want to make it weird – but it all comes down to the same problem: they don’t want to take the risk of getting hurt.

As a result, they freeze themselves in place. They dither and wait. Shy guys will convince themselves of the nobility of loving from afar. Nice Guys will spend time trying to collect Friend Tokens in order to pay for the Platonic Best Friend Back Door Gambit.

Meanwhile, some asshole whose interest starts at her cleavage and ends at her crotch rolls up on her. And while the asshole may well not be as good of a match for her as the dogged nice guy, he still is the one who actually asked.

Because he wasn’t as worried about “making it awkward” or whether or not she’d want to be friends afterward, he felt confident enough to actually ask her out.

Even if the woman in question liked the nice guy, she isn’t going to wait forever for him to make up his mind.

If you like someone, then you want to be the guy who actually makes his move. The asshole may not like her as much, but he actually took his shot.

The nice guy doesn’t get a chance because, frankly, he never gets in the game in the first place.

Remember: he who hesitates, loses out.

2. Know How To Present Yourself

One of the most famous studies on the appeal of men with high levels of narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism focused on the halo effect – the way that one’s appearance affects how others perceive you.

Narcissists, in particular, tend to be perceived as more attractive than other people. In fact, narcissists are often seen as being nicer, funnier, and more appealing overall than others.

They are, in short, taking full advantage of the halo effect; because they look good, they’re seen as being better than they are in real life.

To some, this seems like yet another unfair advantage, something that dark triad men have that leaves nice guys in the lurch. In reality, however, genuinely good guys have the upper hand.

See, the key isn’t that narcissism isn’t an inherent charisma buff, it’s that narcissists put more effort into their appearance.

Narcissists spend more time grooming, working out, and otherwise showing themselves off to their best effect. Their egos won’t let them look anything other than their best.

This is something that literally anyone can do; getting fit and dressing sharp are very easy ways to upgrade your looks in short order.

And by doing so, you actually gain a greater advantage over narcissistic bad boys. See, while narcissists seem more attractive at first, that overall effect fades very quickly. In fact, over time, people see narcissists as unpleasant, hostile dicks.

Meanwhile, legitimately good guys – people that others like to spend time around – become more appealing over time. In fact, they become more attractive regardless of their physical appearance.

So if you want to get the advantage over an asshole, take a page from their book – spend more time on your presentation and the first impressions you make.

The bonuses of “well put together” and “fun to be around” stack, while the charisma boost from narcissism alone fades, giving you the net advantage.

Related: Girls We’re Friendzoning All The Good Guys

3. Don’t Be Easy

Another reason why bad boys are so appealing is simple: they’re more of a challenge than a lot of nicer guys. Part of what makes the difference between sexual attraction and platonic friendship is behavior.

A guy with many female friends may well be a good guy with lots to recommend to him, but he’s missing that spark or oomph that catches people’s attention. More often than not, they tend to be agreeable and eager to please… almost too eager in some cases.

In fact, for many men, that eagerness crosses the line from “easy-going” to “desperate for approval” and “afraid to rock the boat”.

While there is a lot to be said for somebody that’s easy to get along with, a pushover who over-values the opinions of others is, frankly, not that attractive.

4  Things Bad Boys Do That Good Guys Don't
Bad Boys vs Nice Guys

This tends to turn into “no spine whatsoever” with very little warning.

Part of what makes bad boys more appealing is that they feel just a little out of reach. They’re tantalizing in their unavailability – not so out of reach as to be unattainable but far enough to require a little effort on her part.

That hint of effort, the push-pull dynamic makes him that much more interesting. We tend to value the things we have to work for over the things that come to us easily after all.

Of course, as with all other aspects, it’s very easy to go too far. Part of how pick-up artists try to maintain a woman’s interest is through forced scarcity and manipulation.

Negging, for example, is supposed to be part of how they show that they’re no push-over… and in doing so, make her crave his approval.

They may try to inspire feelings of jealousy or competitiveness or use the loss of his attention as a way to try to prompt women to try harder to keep his interest.

Going cold or trying to play to the “she can fix him” narrative are other ways that assholes go from not being easy to being manipulative pricks.

Being just enough of a challenge is appealing because it keeps things interesting. This is important because frankly…

Related: 6 Reasons Why We Are Addicted To The Bad Boys And Men Who Hurt Us

4. Boredom Kills Attraction

Straight talk: the main reason why nice guys (as opposed to Nice Guys) do poorly with women is that, quite frankly, they’re about as exciting as dry toast.

Every time a guy complains about the woman who said “she wished she could find a nice guy,” it’s because he has missed the unspoken follow-up: “…who doesn’t bore the tits off me.”

Bad boys may be drama bombs waiting to go off, misery factories who are just waiting to shatter a woman’s self-esteem but they’re not boring.

The edge of doing something they know isn’t good for them can be thrilling to many women – it’s a bit of excitement that comes with doing something wrong or naughty that they just don’t get from a guy who’s “safe”.

But being interesting and exciting doesn’t also mean “horrible human being”. Nice guys can be more interesting as well, without being a gaping asshole.

Using a little uncertainty – building that sense of anticipation – for example, makes someone much more interesting than a guy who is Johnny-on-the-spot. That will we/won’t-we spark and the tension between desire and release can be absolutely delicious.

So can going out of your way to lead an interesting lifestyle. Part of the reason why the “bad boy” image seems to have coalesced around a James Dean manque of rebellion is because of what it represents: a shock to the system, someone who stands outside the societal norms. They’re something new and different… and that novelty is incredibly attractive.

Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t mean you need to invest in leathers and a pan-head Harley to be attractive, though it couldn’t hurt.

What it does mean though is that you need to be interesting. Dating someone new should be an adventure. That adventure may be a life with fewer attachments and travel. It may mean taking more risks with your career. What it shouldn’t be is dull.

Related: 7 Reasons Why You Should Date A Beta Male and Not An Alpha Man

Being nice doesn’t mean you finish last. Women don’t like bad boys, they like what bad boys do. Take a page from their book and women will wonder why they never realized just how fun a nice guy can be.


Written By: BY DR. NERDLOVE
Originally appeared on Doctornerdlove.com
Printed with permission

It seems like even in the near future, this discourse of bad boys vs good guys will continue for a long time. If you are a nice guy reading this article, then you know now what you need to do to win the heart of the woman of your dreams. Be the real you, and just go for it!

If you want to know more about what bad boys know that nice guys don’t, then check this video out below:

Bad Boys vs Good Boys
What Bad Boys Know That Nice Guys Don’t
What Bad Boys Know That Nice Guys Don’t
What Bad Boys Know That Nice Guys Don’t Pin
4 Things Bad Boys Do That Good Guys Don’t
why women date bad boys

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Hermeneutic Labor: This Term Describes When You’re Struggling To Make Sense Of A Man’s Thoughts

Clear Stages Of Hermeneutic Labor: Emotional Work

Whether it means picking up hints in a text message or interpreting what isn’t said during an argument – many women find themselves doing “hermeneutic labor.”

Amid the confusing roads of romance, trying to understand secret messages or get through emotional minefields can seem like a full-time job. In recent years there has been an eruption of discourse surrounding feminists and emotional labor.

Let’s understand what hermeneutic labor really means and why most women ​take up emotional labor in relationships​!

Understanding Hermeneutic Labor



Up Next

8 Unmistakable Signs He Will Never Come Back: The Final Farewell

Glaring Signs He Will Never Come Back: No Second Chances

Ah, the bittersweet realm of love and heartbreak. We’ve all been there, hanging onto that tiny edge of hope that things might get better again, and we don’t have to go our separate ways. But let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Today, we are going to talk about the signs he will never come back. Yes, it’s going to get a bit heavy today.

If you are wondering whether he is ever going to make a grand return to your life or not, then let me tell you – you are in for some tough love, my friend. In this article, we are going to explore eight glaring signs that are repeatedly telling you that your ex is not coming back.

It’s time to face the reality and discover if it’s time for you to leave the past behind you and look forward to a better and brighter future.



Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him



Up Next

Men’s First Love Theory: 7 Life-long Psychological Impacts Of First Love

Men’s First Love Theory: First Love Psychological Impacts

Can men never get over their first love? Men’s First Love Theory has blown up all over the internet, especially on TikTok. The theory’s first taste of romance sets every partner at an inevitable disadvantage.

When we fall in love for the initial time, this theory claims that it leaves a lasting impact. We tend to think and view our first love as “the one,” causing us to compare every individual we meet after them to our original partner.

The term “first love syndrome” explains how our initial encounters with emotion factor into what we consider to be true love. It’s almost like we’re biologically hardwired to search for that same feeling we had when we fell in love for the very first time.



Up Next

Masculinity And Mental Health: 12 Warning Signs of Depression In Men And What To Do

Signs of Depression in Men You Shouldn't Ignore

Do you often feel frustrated, irritable, and withdrawn? If you are a man and if you are frequently in a bad mood, then it’s likely that you have male depression. The shadows of masculinity can often hide the signs of depression in men.

Male mental health is a topic we rarely talk about as a society that is supposed to be fair and equal. Yet, societal expectations often silence the cries for help from men who suffer from depression. 

But let’s change that today! Depression affects millions of people worldwide, regardless of gender. However, men often face unique challenges when it comes to recognizing and addressing



Up Next

8 Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Today we are going to explore a topic that’s not just interesting, but honestly, a bit heart warming too! We are going to talk about the “imperfections” and “body flaws” which women feel awkward about, but men absolutely love!

You know what I mean; the tiny body flaws that we are convinced make us less attractive. As women, we often regard them as shortcomings or things that take away from our beauty, but they are the very things that many men fall in love with.

So, let us plunge into this and find out what are those “body flaws” that men really adore about us, and what men think about women’s bodies.



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.