“He’s not my type,” I said trying to justify my previous actions.
“Why because he treats you well,” my friend said completely calling me out on my bullshit.
But the truth was if I said I’m not attracted to him, he made it too easy and as much as the idea floated in my head considering it, I wasn’t interested.
I wanted to be. I would have loved to say I left that date and went right home instead of right to the nearest fuckboys house who I had been seeing more off than on.
And the only difference between these two guys was one kept me completely on my toes, one kept me guessing, one kept me playing this game I swore I hated. And I was more physically attracted to him than anyone I had ever met.
The other answered every text quickly, paid for everything, opened my door and told me exactly how he felt and on many occasions dropped whatever he was doing if I asked.
I cried that entire drive home. I cried because I knew what I deserved and I knew I was choosing the opposite. But the heart wants what it wants. And that was the problem.
We claim we want a good and decent guy but when we meet him, we look for every reason we don’t want to give him a chance. Maybe it’s his appearance. Maybe it’s his demeanor. Maybe he’s exactly everything we want and needs. But we dabble with the idea, liking them one day, then ignore them the next. Blowing up their social media one day than doing the casual fade out.
We like the attention but we don’t like it enough to reciprocate it. So we text them every few weeks just to boost our own confidence that they’ll answer and they do like us still.
But to look at someone who would do anything for you and someone who says all the things we wish someone else would, it’s disrespecting and hurting the one person who wouldn’t do the same.
I sat stag at an event looking more beautiful than ever and dropping more than I should have to impress someone who didn’t even respect me enough to show up. Again let down by the same person who continued to disappoint me.
“I would have come if you needed me there,” I read in a text that made me smile and frown. Despite it being 3 hours away and me not even considering asking him in the first place, the other guy would have been there.
I showed the text to my friend, “he might not be what you want but he’s what you deserve.”
That statement stayed with me.
Maybe we aren’t getting the person we deserve not out of bad luck but because we are choosing the wrong people.
We throw all these great guys in the friend zone claiming there is no spark but we don’t even wanna see if there will be. We run from all the right things into the arms of the person who is completely wrong.
My heart hurts for these guys. The ones who deserve the same type of love and affection they are willing to give. The guys who look at their best girl space friend and want nothing more than to delete that space and make them theirs.
The guys who are there every time she gets hurt. And when she questions her self-worth because of some asshole who doesn’t see her beauty, you are perplexed. Because you look at this girl like she’s the most beautiful one there is. And no matter how much you tell her, she doesn’t believe you because it isn’t coming from the guy she wants to hear it from. You keep your feelings quietly tucked away because you aren’t what she wants, so you stay friends hoping and praying for the day maybe it will hit her that you can be more than someone who dries her tears. Maybe you can be the one who doesn’t cause them at all.