Do you find yourself attracted to “nice guys” but wonder why the relationships never seem to work out? The truth is, there’s a big difference between nice guys and good men.
If you’ve spent any time in the dating world, you’ve probably heard the phrase “nice guys finish last.” It’s an age-old adage that suggests that being too nice or too kind can actually work against you when it comes to finding love and romance.
But what exactly is the difference between a nice guy and a good man? And why do nice guys often fall short when it comes to being the kind of men that women truly want?
Let’s explore why nice guys arent good men and why being a good man is essential for a happy and healthy relationship.
The difference between nice guys and good men
While being kind and considerate is certainly important, it’s not enough to make a man truly desirable as a partner. Too often we confuse being nice with being good. But there is a vast difference between nice guys and good men. Though initially they may seem similar, there are key distinctions between the two.
At first glance, it might be hard to tell the difference between a nice guy and a good man. After all, both types of men are generally kind, considerate, and respectful. But there is a crucial difference between the two. The primary difference between nice guys and good men is that the nice guys prioritize being liked over being respected, while all good men prioritize being respected over being liked.
Related: Why Nice Guys Lose In Dating
Nice guys are men who go out of their way to be kind and accommodating to others, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. They may be overly eager to please, and they may avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs. Nice guys often prioritize being liked over being respected, and they may struggle to assert themselves in relationships.
On the other hand, good men are men who are also kind and considerate, but who are also confident, assertive, and self-assured. They are men who can stand up for themselves and for others when necessary, and who are not afraid to take risks or speak their minds. The good men prioritizes being respected over being liked. They are more likely to be leaders in their personal and professional lives.
Now let’s dive in to know more about nice guys vs good men.
Traits of a nice guy
Nice guys may be overly eager to please and accommodating to others, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. They may be passive and avoid conflict or confrontation. They may also lack confidence and direction in their lives.
To better understand the difference between nice guys and good men, let us delve into some common traits of a nice guy:
- Overly eager to please others, sometimes at the expense of their own needs and desires
- Avoids conflict or confrontation
- May lack self-confidence and self-esteem
- May struggle to assert themselves in relationships
- Prioritizes being liked over being respected
- May lack clear direction or purpose in their lives
- Can be passive or indecisive
- May have trouble setting boundaries and prioritizing their own well-being
- May struggle to take risks or try new things
- May have trouble attracting or maintaining romantic relationships
Traits of a good man
All good men are confident, assertive, and self-assured. They have a sense of direction and purpose in their lives and prioritize being respected over being liked. Some good men are more likely to be leaders in their personal and professional lives, while the nice guys may struggle to assert themselves in relationships.
Here are some common traits of the good man:
- Confident and self-assured, with a strong sense of self-worth
- Assertive when necessary, but able to handle disagreements or conflicts in a respectful and healthy way
- Prioritizes being respected over being liked
- Has a sense of direction and purpose in their life, with clear goals and ambitions
- Compassionate and kind, but also able to prioritize their own needs and boundaries
- Takes responsibility for their actions and decisions
- Reliable and trustworthy, with a strong sense of integrity
- Able to communicate effectively and openly in their relationships
- Emotionally mature and able to handle stress or challenges in a healthy way
- Has healthy and fulfilling relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners
Understanding the traits of nice guys and good men can help us better understand the nice guys vs good men debate.
Why nice guys arent good men
Nice guys aren’t always good men. While being nice is certainly an admirable quality, nice guys are often not necessarily what they seem. Here are a few reasons why nice guys fall short when it comes to being the kind of men that women want:
1. Nice guys lack confidence
One of the key differences between nice guys and good men is confidence. Nice guys may come across as insecure or lacking in self-esteem, which can be a turn-off for many women. Good men, on the other hand, are confident in themselves and their abilities, which can be very attractive. This is why nice guys arent good men.
2. Nice guys are often passive
Nice guys may avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, which can be frustrating for women who want a partner who can stand up for themselves and for their relationship. All good men are not afraid to be assertive when necessary, and they are more likely to take charge in their personal and professional lives.
3. Nice guys prioritize being liked over being respected
While being liked is certainly important in any relationship, it’s not enough to sustain a healthy and fulfilling partnership. Good men prioritize being respected over being liked, which means that they are more likely to set boundaries and stand up for themselves and their relationship.
4. Nice guys may lack direction
Nice guys may be so focused on pleasing others that they neglect their own goals and ambitions. Good men, on the other hand, are driven and focused, and they know what they want in life. This sense of direction and purpose can be very attractive to women. This is another reason why nice guys arent good men.
5. Nice guys may be too eager to please
While being kind and accommodating is certainly important in any relationship, it’s possible to take it too far. The nice guys may be so eager to please their partner that they neglect their own needs and desires, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness over time. This is one of the biggest difference between nice guys and good men.
The nice guy facade
Nice guys put up a facade of niceness. They act nice to be seen as nice rather than because they actually care about others. They say the right things and perform the actions they think will make them appear kind. But beneath this superficial niceness often lurks resentment, manipulation and self-centeredness.
Nice guys are agreeable on the surface, telling you what you want to hear and performing nice gestures. But their external actions rarely reflect their internal character. Their “niceness” is conditional and motivated by a desire for praise, favors or romantic relationships in return.
Nice guys also have hidden, selfish agendas. They want something in return for being nice – attention, approval, dates, etc. Whereas all or some good men naturally seek to uplift others without expecting anything in return.
The true motives of the nice guys often only reveal themselves after they’ve been rejected. Suddenly the niceness evaporates and is replaced by anger, resentment and attempts to punish the perceived wrongdoer.
Good men, on the other hand, are kind for its own sake, not because of hidden conditions and strings attached. This is a crucial difference between nice guys and good men.
Good men are authentically kind
In contrast, all good men are kind out of genuine care and concern for others. Their character and motivations are aligned. They act the same way whether people are watching or not because caring for and helping others is intrinsically rewarding.
Good men have well developed empathy that allows them to understand and resonate with other people’s emotions. They listen without judgment and try to put themselves in others’ shoes. Their actions arise from wisdom and insight, not shallow pretense.
Nice guys vs good men
Here are some other difference between nice guys and good men that you should know about –
1. Nice guys give compliments and do favors to boost their own ego, seek validation and gain approval. The good man uplifts others because they genuinely see the good in people.
2. Nice guys see women as prizes to be won through superficial niceness. Good men see women as full human beings deserving of respect.
3. Nice guys often have an external locus of control, blaming others for their problems. Good men have an internal locus of control and take responsibility for their own lives.
4. Nice guys follow a rule-based approach to morality, focusing on superficial actions. Good men follow a principle-based morality that focuses on cultivating good character.
Want to know more about nice guys vs good men? Read on.
5. Nice guys’ niceness is fragile and fleeting. The smallest setback can reveal their true selfish nature. Most or some good men exemplify consistency, stability and integrity.
6. Nice guys act out of insecurity and a need for external validation. The good man
acts out of confidence in who they are and what they value.
7. Nice guys lack empathy, seeing women as objects to be possessed. Good men have true empathy and see others as ends in themselves.
8. Nice guys lack honest self-reflection, seen in their inability to consider others’ perspectives. Good men demonstrate self-awareness through active listening and considering multiple views.
Good men exhibit the virtues that arise from wisdom, self-mastery and true care for others. They act with authenticity, integrity and consistency, grounded in principles rather than superficial image. Nice guys, by contrast, often lack these deeper qualities that define what it really means to be a good human being.
How can you distinguish good men from nice guys?
Here are some traits that will help you distinguish most or some good men from the nice guys. All you need to do is be observant and open-minded.
Good men are not afraid to be assertive when necessary, while nice guys may avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs.
Good men are honest and truthful in their words and actions. Nice guys are often deceptive and manipulative to get what they want.
Good men adhere to strong moral principles and act in accordance with their values. Nice guys lack consistency and integrity.
Good men consider the needs of others above their own desires. Nice guys are self-serving and only pretend to care about others.
All good men are secure in who they are and don’t need to prove anything. Nice guys are often insecure and seek validation through niceness.
Good men demonstrate emotional maturity through self-control, patience and grace. Nice guys act immaturely when things don’t go their way.
Good men recognize their own flaws and limitations. Nice guys have an inflated view of themselves and feel entitled to praise.
Good men base their actions on wisdom, insight and principles. Nice guys act rashly without deep thought or understanding.
Good men act in accordance with who they truly are on the inside. Nice guys put on an artificial facade to gain approval.
Good men understand their own motives, emotions and impact on others. Nice guys lack self-knowledge and insight into their own behaviors.
Good men genuinely care about others and strive to understand them. Nice guys are primarily self-focused and lack empathy.
Both good men and nice guys can be kind and considerate, but good men will not sacrifice their own needs and desires to please others. The good man is kind and compassionate, but also has healthy boundaries and is able to prioritize his own well-being.
Good men exhibit the inner qualities and virtues that arise from moral and psychological maturity, like honesty, integrity, wisdom and love. Nice guys, by contrast, often lack these deeper dimensions of character.
Being good is crucial, being nice is optional
The primary difference between nice guys and good men is confidence, assertiveness, and a sense of self-assuredness.
Nice guys may seem kind on the outside, but often lack the internal character traits that define truly good men. They are motivated by self-interest, have hidden agendas, and lack emotional stability and strong virtues. Good men, however, are authentically kind and caring. Their goodness flows from wisdom, empathy, resilience and a desire for moral excellence.
Learn to see past empty platitudes and performances of niceness to discern the difference between nice guys and truly good men.