What Women Really Want In A Man: The Player Vs. The Nice Guy

the player vs the nice guy

When it comes to dating, most women prefer romantic, sensitive, well-behaved nice guys. However, the same women often fall head over heels for the arrogant, brutish, and rude bad boys. If women want nice guys, then why do they date “jerks”? What do women want in a man, really?

A reader wonders why women say they want nice guys and instead fall head over heels for players.


Women say they want nice, genuine guys—not players, and care about personality more than looks. So why is it that when nice, genuine, funny guys show interest in them they are never interested, but instead go for players with nice looks?”

Related: What Bad Boys Know That Nice Guys Don’t

Good question. Let’s talk about how women process attraction.

Wondering why it doesn’t seem like women know what they want from a relationship with a man?

This begins with understanding the one thing about women that most men have completely backwards: what women want in a man.

They tell you they want a nice man with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for them, tells them how beautiful they are, and is a great friend.

But then…

They fall madly in love with players who are unrefined, obnoxious, cocky, a bit childish and who you just look at and wonder:

“What the hell does that guy have going for him?”

Meanwhile, here you are, being the nice guy with good manners who knows how to treat a lady and who loves his mother. A man who’s sensitive and responsible and who opens the door for her, tells her how beautiful she is, and is a great friend.

And where does that get you? A place in her life as either a “great friend,” or worse, she slowly writes you out of her life.

What in the world is that all about?

You did everything according to the book.

You were just the man that she said she wanted.

How come you ended up in the friend zone while watching her fall head over heels for that “other jerk”?

Related: Why Girls Hate ‘Nice’ Guys

It’s because what people want isn’t often what they really say and think they want. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can stop getting stuck in the friend zone. Now, this shouldn’t really surprise you.

“Just because you are a nice guy, doesn’t mean you are a good man.” – Zyanya Torres

After all, doesn’t almost everyone say they want things that are totally contrary to what their behaviors reflect?

How many people do you know who want to be healthy but live on a steady diet of completely trashy junk food?

How many people do you know who want to be rich but spend their money on crap, are deep in debt and can’t wait to get off work so they can go home to sit and watch TV for the rest of the day?

In spite of how much people want to be rich and healthy, they are driven by deeper subconscious motives, which most average people don’t take the time to understand.

I don’t say this to judge people.

Most people are pretty clueless about the true motives behind their behaviors because they really believe themselves when they tell you what they think they want.

If you want to know the real story about what people want on a primal level, you have to look at their behavior. If you want to know what women find attractive, don’t listen to what she says…look at her behaviors.

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” – Joseph Conrad

Believe it or not, there is something that “jerk” has that most women are drawn to like a moth to a flame.

These “jerks” make women feel safe (in the moment at least), and they excite them. This is an irresistible combination because security and excitement are two of the primary emotional needs which ALL people seek out in romantic relationships.

What women want
What women want
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