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7 Reasons To Date A Beta Male and Not An Alpha Man

reasons to date a beta male

Why you should date a Beta male, not an Alpha Man. In case you have no clear understanding of how alpha and beta personalities differ you may refer to socio sexual hierarchy, a personality categorization system that categorizes men as per their social position among other men.

The common myth about being a beta male is that they are weak, there are many stereotypes that beta males are losers, lazy, and downright hopeless. In contrast, are the “Beta” males, alpha males are always perceived as ‘attractive’. However, these definitions ignore the actual meaning of being a beta male which is a beta male lives his life through values and they don’t like confrontation or taking sides. A beta male might be the best kind of guy you can date as they are reliable and cares about what you want and the most important thing, doesn’t take things for granted.

I don’t know about you, but so many of the women I have known in my life all have one thing in common. They go for the bad boys, or at least they did do until they got the secret I discovered the hard way.

I was hooked on a bad boy when I was young. I would never have dreamed of dating a Beta male. My attraction to him was instantaneous and intense.

The connection I felt to him was such as I hadn’t felt before. He consumed me. I felt safe.

He was going to deliver this wonderful happy-ever-after he promised. After all, he told me I was the only one for him, unlike any girl who’d come before.

It was a whirlwind romance. But it descended into a terrifying, exciting rollercoaster. There were tumultuous fireworks, followed by chasms of hurt and pain. Round and round in a crazy cycle.

It scraped bottom with me almost losing my life, as he squeezed my throat and told me to die.

I stayed with him for some time, even after that. The effect he had on me I can’t describe. It was like a magnet that pulled me back and I was powerless to stop its force. I’d leave and stay strong, for a time. But then the pain of leaving him was so great, I craved that high he could give me once again.

‘I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again. I need you more than ever to help me change’ was all it took. I just wanted him to sweep me into his arms again and everything would be okay. But of course, it wasn’t.

Read: 5 Reasons Why Women Feel More Attracted To The Bad Boys

I did find the courage to leave, but only after marrying him and having his baby. I thought that each of these acts would finally prove I was worthy of him and make the relationship work. I was wrong. I learned the hard way that two people who are as insecure as each other will never fulfill each other’s needs. The relationship was doomed from the start.

You could describe me, I guess, as an Alpha female. The mirror to him in a way. But all that confidence and cockiness I had when I was young, belied the truth that I never felt good enough. Deep down he was the same as me. Our baggage matched.

But I could hide my insecurities behind this role I played. Rescuer. I could be the one to bring out the ‘real him’, patch up his hurt inside. It hid the fact it was me I needed to fix.

It took me years to understand I confused those fireworks with love.

That matching baggage feels familiar and comfortable. It felt right like we just fit. But that didn’t mean it was a healthy match.

It took many more to see myself for who I was, a frightened child inside the body of an adult. It hurt to see her. But I finally knew what I had to do to heal.

Focus on her, learn to love me, and accept that I am good enough. I deserve better.

Then I met my Beta boy. I started to date a Beta male. I did it right this time when I married him. It turns out he’s the most Alpha man I know.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” – Samuel Johnson

I wish I’d known this secret about men when I was young, so now I want to spread the word.

Falling in love and dating a Beta male is the way to go. Here’s why:

7 Reasons Why You Should Date A Beta Male

1. Beta Boys Are Emotionally Available.

Okay, before I get a barrage of arguments to the contrary, I’m not saying all Alpha men are bad boys. But the ones who are, are all bluff and no substance.

They’re great at faking an intense connection to hook you in. They say everything you want to hear and can sweep a girl off her feet.

But when it comes down to it, they talk the talk, but do they walk the walk?

They promise you the world, but do they deliver on that? No. Even so, so many of us keep hoping and waiting for it to come.

You may not get the massive fireworks at the start with a Beta boy. You might even dismiss them, at first, as boring.

But it’s deceptive. It’s a slower build. Mine kept simply showing up and being there for me. There was time spent getting to know each other. It scared me.

“Men are handicapped in love, either in giving or in receiving. They consider love as a sign of weakness”

I was used to the intensity, followed by an argument that came out of nowhere, only for Bad Boy to disappear. Feeling hurt, I’d be wondering what I had done, waiting and hoping for the rush of when he loved me again.

I tried to push Beta Boy away. Revealing the real me to him scared me. What if I repulsed him and ran away? It tapped into my greatest fear.

I feared abandonment, so I guess was trying to end it, before he ditched me. Then one day he said to me: ‘You know I’m not going anywhere don’t you?’

Two words sum up Beta Males: Emotionally available.

They are there for you. Fireworks, with dramatic breakups and intense reunions, are not loved. They’re just a smokescreen. To avoid intimacy and true trust. The necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship.

2. You Can Be Vulnerable With Them And Trust Them.

Without trust, you can never reveal you’re true self to another person. If I showed vulnerability to my ex, he’d use it later to shame me.

That’s the definition of a healthy relationship with me now.

“If you can trust a man’s word; you can trust the man.” ― Eric M. Watterson

My beta husband knows me better than anyone else. He knows my flaws, all my weaknesses, and fears. He has allowed me to be vulnerable but has never used it as a weapon against me. The more we’ve revealed about ourselves, the deeper the connection we forged.

Beta males are not afraid of emotion, nor of their own emotional side.

3. They Don’t Feel Threatened.

Beta boys are secure in themselves. They don’t feel threatened and have no need for jealousy.

You don’t have to ask permission to spend time alone with your closest friends. Male or female.

“A good man will want you to shine. He wants you to be your amazing self. A good man loves to show off his happy, intelligent, amazing, powerful woman.” – Anastasia Netri

Bad boys are the opposite. They isolate you. They want to control you. If another man even looks at you, you’re already having an affair.

Forget about ever mentioning male friends or colleagues. They even get jealous of your girlfriends! Girls’ nights out will not be worth it, for the interrogation you’ll get the next day.

4. Quiet Confidence Is So Much Sexier Than Arrogance Hiding Insecurity.

Don’t be fooled into thinking Beta men are boring. Yes, at first they might seem like the quiet puppy in the corner at the pound. Not the lively one jumping up and down, licking your face, yapping ‘pick me, pick me!’

If I ever get a dog now, I know which one I’d go for. The one in the corner, hands down. Not the troublemaker.

If you can pardon the expression, Beta men are ‘grow-ers, not show-ers’.

My husband’s confidence might be of the quieter kind. But it’s underpinned by a strength I’d never seen in a man before.

“The stronger a man is, the more gentle he can afford to be.” -Elbert Hubbard

Beta males don’t need to blast it out with a megaphone, as they’re sure of themselves. But when you need them, you’ll see what I mean. They’ll be there.

They’re emotionally available, so they don’t run at the first sign you need to lean on them.

They can be strong for you when you need them to be. They will lift you up and support you. Exactly when you need it the most, the time a bad boy would run a mile.

This is a man far sexier, trust me, than the one who always abandons you.

Read: 9 Reasons Why Strong, Sensitive Men Are The Best Men To Love

5. They’re Nice To You, They Respect You.

They’ll tell you you’re beautiful, even when you have a shower cap on. They don’t need to fear you having a strong sense of self-worth and leaving them.
They celebrate your successes, without feeling threatened.

“A good boyfriend loves his girl with all heart. He isn’t afraid to point to his girl in front of his friends and say: That’s my baby.”

They’re proud of your achievements and encourage you to do what you love most.

If another person compliments you, they’ll agree! Aren’t they the lucky ones to have you?

6. They Don’t Need To Control.

Beta males don’t need a power struggle. Or to be in control.

One minute they can be strong for you, the next you can be for them. That’s okay. They don’t fear to show their weaker side.

“The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.” – Brandon Sanderson

In fact, if you try to control them, rescue them or change them, they’re more likely to walk away.

They allow you to be yourself. They love you unconditionally and expect you to offer the same.

7. They Make Incredible Fathers

If you want a great role model for a young boy, the Beta male win by a mile.

My husband is a step-father to my firstborn with my ex. We then went on to have a second son. He has taught both boys to grow into the kind of men I hoped they’d become. But he did nothing other than being himself. That quiet confidence goes a long way.

Our boys have seen his strength but learned it’s okay for a man to cry. They’ve seen him work hard to provide and support us. But celebrating my career as a working woman as well.

They’ve heard him speak to me with respect at all times. Even tell me I look beautiful, still after decades of marriage.

My boys do him proud now. They’re adults who reflect the best of him. They treat all others as equals. They champion women’s rights and respect their partners. They’re men who don’t run when the going gets tough but are unafraid to show their vulnerable side. They admit their mistakes, except when they’re wrong. They learn from them.

One son is more Alpha than the other. But, in a good way.

Read: Empathetic Men Are Better Lovers (Study Confirms)

Dating A Beta Male

So, if you’re looking for love that lasts and doesn’t hurt, take it from me and give the bad boys a miss.

Get over the Alphas and their dramatic peacock displays and pyrotechnics. Grab yourself a Beta boy and give him a chance to show you what he’s got.

Whilst the Alpha gets lost in the fog of the fireworks and disappears, Beta will be the one to stick around. He’ll be the only man you’ll ever need.

I promise you, Beta is the new Alpha when it comes to men.

Beta males are in no way less than Alphas, but most of the time they fail to get that appreciation and recognition. They can bring into your life a sense of peace, stability, and contentment, which at the end of the day is what matters. Successful relationships are mostly based on love, commitment, and almost everything emotional.

I’d love to hear what you think! Let me know in the comments below.

If you want to know more about this, check this video out:

Written by Vivian Mc Grath
Originally appeared on
7 Reasons Why You Should Date A Beta Male and Not An Alpha Man
7 Reasons Why You Should Date A Beta Male and Not An Alpha Man
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Vivian McGrath

Vivian McGrath is a TV Exec Producer making documentaries for US/UK and Australian television networks. She’s a survivor of domestic violence, motivational speaker and empowerment coach. It’s her mission to help women recover from abusive relationships, fall back in love with themselves and never settle for anything less than they deserve again! Watch her free Masterclass here: Author posts

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