Why Most People Stay In An Abusive Relationship: The #1 Reason

 / 

,
Reason Most People Stay In Abusive Relationship

Why do we stay in an abusive relationship, despite knowing that what’s happening to us is not right? There can be many reasons for staying in an abusive relationship, but one, in particular, is the most important.

Your partner verbally and physically abuses you, but you canโ€™t find the courage to leave him. Instead, you choose to stay in an abusive relationship.

He manipulates, controls, degrades, and berates you. You suppress your hurt feelings. You even make excuses for his reprehensible, hurtful behavior.

He promises repeatedly to quit drinking, to get counseling for his anger issues, and to stop verbally and physically battering you. Instead, he blindsides you with a cutting remark or rages at you for no clear reason.

You know in your heart that your relationship is a lost cause, and yet you stay with a man who is slowly destroying you.

Related: 5 Reasons You Still Miss Your Abusive Ex

Girl, where is your sense of survival?

What relationship could possibly be worth the horrific conflict, mental mutilation, bruises, and busted lips at the hands of a punishing, irate boyfriend or husband?

Why does a woman stay with a man who mistreats her so badly?

We hear from many people who are in or were into abusive relationships, they say that they love their abusive partner and they wonder, โ€œWhy do I love someone who has hurt me so much?โ€ It’s definitely a strange, confusing feeling.

If youโ€™re struggling with feelings of love for an abusive partner, it could be for a number of reasons. Letโ€™s dive into this article to understand what might be contributing to these feelings.

Stay in an abusive relationship
Why stay in an abusive relationship

There are compelling reasons why women stay in an abusive relationship with an abusive partner:

  • The abuse may occur over a short period of time, and she is able to shrug it off.
  • He may tell her, “I’m sorry, it will never happen again,” and she believes him.
  • She may have been abused as a child or witnessed her mother abused by her father, and she accepts it as normal behavior, consciously, or unconsciously.
  • She may be financially dependent on him, or she may have a fear of living alone.
  • She may fear her partner and may believe she has no power to change the situation.
  • She may fear his suicide; he says heโ€™ll kill himself if she leaves.
  • She may have religious and cultural beliefs or a misguided sense of loyalty that keeps her tied to her relationshipโ€”or she stays for “the sake of the children.”
  • She is in denial about the abuse. He is often loving and lovable which helps her excuse and minimize his episodes of cruelty or violence.
  • The sex with him is intense and she is addicted to an erotic emotional attachment to him.

These reasons are to some extent understandableโ€”but there must be a greater force that ties a womanโ€™s soul to a man who unmercifully batters her.

Related: Emotionally Abusive People And Their 20 Identifying Traits

Bonding with the enemy.

Seduction, deception, and betrayal are core components of an abusive relationship.

You fell in love with the most wonderful man youโ€™ve ever known. He adored you. He understood you. He showered you with attention, affection, and gifts. He got into your head, your heart, and your bed.

You were overwhelmed by the love you felt for him. You allowed him into your life because you trusted him. And then he began to criticize, control, and demean you and the cycle of abuse begins.

Your partnerโ€™s demeanor changes, suddenly or gradually. Once he was loving, considerate, and patient, now he ridicules you, unjustly blames and condemns you, and erupts in unprovoked, uncontrollable anger. His behavior is punishing, demoralizing, and menacing. Itโ€™s as if he enjoys the anguish and tears he causes you.

After each abusive event, he apologizes profusely for his cruel behavior and the “battering phase” ends. He appears contrite. He is quasi-agreeable, considerate, and attentive. He may agree to quit drinking or go to counseling.

In spite of his volatile, harmful behavior, you are grateful for his change of heart and you are optimistic that his remorse is genuineโ€”so you forgive him, you have makeup sex and you enter the โ€œcalm-loving-respite phase.โ€

Having forgiven him, you are doubly emotionally invested in the relationship.

Inevitably, he begins to batter you again and you are drawn deeper into the traumatic bonding experience.

Your emotional suffering is profound. You are conflicted by the intense love-hate-regret-sorrow-fearful feelings you have for your boyfriend or husband. One minute you despise him and you want him out of your life permanently and the next morning you can’t live without him.

Unaware of the dynamics of the abuse-trauma-bonding process, you describe your acute emotions as best you canโ€”you call it love and you lament to reunite with him.

Related: It Isnโ€™t Love โ€“ It Is Narcissistic Abuse

Your life becomes a constant act of emotional survival. The cycle of abuse is a roller coaster of tension building, battering, and honeymoon.

The more times you are abusedโ€”the more times you experience your abuserโ€™s rejection, cruelty, and treachery. If you try to leave him, he controls you with his threats and insincere and short-lived promises to change and he convinces you to stay in the relationship until his next episode of battering and violence.

Every time you reconcile with your abuserโ€ฆ

  • You adapt and learn to cope with his disapproval, rejection, deception, cruelty, betrayal, and anger that progressively destroys your self-worth.
  • You are telling him you condone his abusive behavior, giving him the green light to increase the frequency and intensity of his abuse.
  • You incur more and more self-doubt, confusion, disbelief, depression, guilt, shame, isolation, anxiety, fear, and hopelessness.
  • You become addicted to experiencing the โ€œhoneymoon phase,โ€ craving his love, acceptance, and approval.
  • Your sense of helplessness and dependency on your abuser increases.
Stay in an abusive relationship
Stay in an abusive relationship

Donโ€™t ignore your oppressed reality.

If you donโ€™t understand the destructive dynamics of an abusive relationship, you might not understand what is happening to you.

Your abusive partnerโ€™s centralized goal is to define your entire lifeโ€™s experience. His abuse gradually strips you of your confidence, ambition, joy, independence, and self-worth, rendering you totally dependent on him for your security, happiness, and welfare.

Recognizing abuse for what it is, an attempt to gain power and control over another is the first step to regaining your personal power.

Learn everything you can about abusive relationships and innately angry men; read books and online articles.

Related: Teach Your Kids These Warning Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Don’t suffer in silence; get counseling and confide in your friends and family. Decide not to stay in an abusive relationship. Develop an exit strategy, leave him permanently, begin your personal healing, and start to rebuild your life.

Guys, flip the dialogue, women can be equally nasty critters.

If you find this post helpful, leave a comment below. Also, share it with your friends.

Want to know more about why does someone stay in an abusive relationship? Check this video out below!

Why do I stay in an abusive relationship

Written By Nancy Nichols 

Originally Published on Know It All Nancy

Printed with permission

Being in an abusive relationship: Why do people stay in an abusive relationship
Reason Why Most People Stay In An Abusive Relationship Pin
Being in an abusive relationship: Reasons for staying in an abusive relationship
Reason Most People Stay In Abusive Relationship pin
Ads

— Share —

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Dominique Ruocco Avatar
    Dominique Ruocco

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart โ™ฅ. All true. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ™๐ŸŽจ๐ŸŽต๐Ÿ–Œ๏ธ๐Ÿ“˜๐ŸŽฉ๐Ÿ‘ž๐Ÿ‘—๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ•ณ๏ธ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘๏ธ๐Ÿง ๐Ÿง“๐Ÿ™†โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคธโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ›Œ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐ŸŽจ๐ŸŽฏ๐Ÿโ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘—๐ŸŽฉ๐Ÿ‘žโšฐ๏ธI live in Cape Town. South Africa. Sending u hugs xx. Luv Dominique. Stickers r my story. Phone broke. I’m using Pinterest. Hope 2 get thhro 2 u.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Onto You: Are You Bearing Someone Else’s Burden?

Signs Someone Is Projecting Their Emotional Baggage On You

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it felt like they were accusing you of things that didn’t seem like you? It’s as if they’re dumping their own issues on you, leaving you scratching your head, wondering what is happening. Well, this is just one of the many signs someone is projecting their emotional baggage on you.

You’re gradually realizing that you are being blamed for things that’re not your fault at all. You are being accused to be the kind of person you are not. It’s as though they’re running their private movie theater, and you’ve become their projection screen.

But before we get int



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

8 Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you felt like everything you are saying or feeling is being dismissed and invalidated, even though you know you’re right? If you answered yes, then you were subjected to gaslighting. If you have experienced this, then remember these 8 phrases to shut down gaslighting like a boss.

When someone makes you question your reality, it can feel extremely frustrating and depressing. Weโ€™ve all been there at some point. These little digs can make you feel like youโ€™re on thin ice, be it from a friend, family member or that one co-worker.

But hey, you’ve come to the



Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasnโ€™t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect faรงade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal



Up Next

Surviving Toxic Friendships: 15 Shocking Signs Of An Abusive Friend You Can’t Afford To Ignore

Signs of an Abusive Friend: Surviving Toxic Friendships

Do you feel like your BFF is jealous of you? Do they constantly criticize and always try to influence your decisions? Are they always around when they need a favor from you, but immediately disappear when you need support? Then it is likely you have a toxic, abusive friend. Let us explore the signs of an abusive friend and how to deal with an abusive friend.

A friendship is one of the most authentic and purest forms of relationships we can experience as it is not bound by blood or any compulsion. Friendships are born out of mutual respect, support, companionship and happiness. Our friends support us and pick us up when we are down and guide us when we stray too far.

However, some individuals use the mask of friendship simply to exploit, dominate and abuse us. They pretend to be our friends as long as we are of use to them and freque



Up Next

The Playbook Of Deceit: 11 Narcissistic Games Used To Torment You

Narcissistic Games Used To Torment: Playbook Of Deceit

Have you ever encountered someone that made you question your own sanity? Or found yourself caught in a web of manipulation, unsure of how you got there? If so, then you may have encountered a narcissist and have been a victim of narcissistic games.

Narcissists are masters at psychological games. A charming smile hides their darker agenda as they play several mind games to control and exploit you. These mind games narcissists play can be psychologically damaging, without you even realizing it at times.

In this article, weโ€™ll unravel 11 narcissistic games, exposing all their tactics, so that you don’t fall