If you suspect that your narcissist is cheating on you, even though they might not admit to it themselves, you can look out for a few definitive signs that can prove your suspicions right.
Narcissists are experts at cheating and lying. That’s because they have more practice than most people. And they’re often skilled at looking someone straight in the eyes whilst spouting a pack of lies. But narcissists have one Achilles heel that gives their game away.
Narcissists usually overestimate how clever they are. And underestimate how clever others are. And this causes them to make mistakes. And leave clues as to what they’re up to.
Narcissists rarely hold their hands up and admit they’re cheating. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence. So unless you actually catch them in the act, it’s difficult to be 100% sure. And narcissists know this and play on it.
If you know the signs your narcissist is cheating, then you have a better chance of catching them. But even if you don’t catch them, you can at least see that things are not solely your fault. And hopefully, gain some insight into how you’re really being treated.
These signs don’t mean the narcissist is definitely cheating. And not all narcissists cheat. But even if they’re not cheating, most of these behaviors indicate a problem in your relationship.
Here are 7 signs to look out for if you suspect your narcissist is cheating…
Related: Histrionic Narcissists: How They Use Sex And Lies As Weapons Of Manipulation
7 Signs Your Narcissist Is Cheating
1. Project Their Cheating Onto You
If a narcissist suddenly accuses you of cheating for no apparent reason and does this regularly, then it could be a sign they’re having an affair. Narcissists are notorious for projecting their faults onto others.
Narcissists like to think that they’re perfect, and superior to everyone else. So it’s easier for their ego to handle their faults if they can blame someone else.
The narcissist reasons that if they accuse others of what they’re doing themselves, then they won’t notice what the narcissist is up to. The person is too busy defending themselves to think of an attack.
This habit can kick in when they’re having an affair. So if they accuse you of having an affair, listen closely. Because they might unwittingly give away some of the details.
For instance, if they accuse you of having an affair with someone at work, then it could be they’re having an affair at work. Or if they accuse you of seeing an ex, then it might be them that’s seeing an ex.
If you listen to what they specifically accuse you of, then you might get a clue about what they’re up to. And it can make a good place to start your investigations.
2. Disappear
If a narcissist is having an affair, then they’re likely to disappear every now and then. The disappearances are obviously them seeing their affair.
The narcissist often has vague and sketchy reasons for their disappearances. For instance, I received a visit from an old friend at our house. My narcissist ex suggested we all go out for a few drinks. But in the first pub we visited, she stated she was nipping across the road to visit a friend in the restaurant she used to work at. And she never came back. No messages, no phone calls, nothing.
My friend and I continued our night out and returned back to my place. It wasn’t until 4 am that she rolled up. She claimed that another friend was at the restaurant, and he wanted to show her his new restaurant. So she and a few others went – until 4 am?!
Remember, narcissists often over-estimate their own intelligence. So they may have strange and illogical reasoning for their disappearances. And they fully expect you to be taken in by them.
Related: 8 Evasion Tactics Narcissists Use To Stop You From Questioning Them
3. Suggest You Spend Time Apart
If the narcissist suggests you spend time apart, then this is a BIG red flag. This is because narcissists usually hate being alone. So if they don’t want to spend time with you, then who do they want to spend time with?
The last thing most narcissists want is to be alone to contemplate their relationship. They may tell you they need alone time to “sort my head out”, or some other similar cliché. But this is not how they usually operate.
Narcissists usually want time apart to give them the chance to see someone else. They can then get you out the way for a few weeks whilst they sample someone new. And if that doesn’t work out, they can return to you, saying they’ll give you another chance. Aren’t you lucky?!
And sadly if their partner believes their story, they usually welcome them back with open arms. And feel grateful for their return, vowing to treat them better this time. Which means that after the narcissist has enjoyed some extra-curricular activity, their partner treats them even better than before. Talk about a win-win!
4. Treat You Worse Than Ever
As I’m sure you’re aware, narcissists are pretty much all about themselves. But they do understand they have to treat people a certain way if they want them to stick around. Narcissists know that if they take too much, then they might leave.
So the narcissist learns how far they can push their partners before they crack. And once they learn their partner’s limit, they aim to push them just below that point. This allows the narcissist to take the maximum from their partners. But without going bust and pushing them away.
When the narcissist is having an affair, they’re no longer as worried about losing you. They have other options. So if you leave, it’s not as big a deal. So they usually treat their partners worse when they’re having an affair because in their mind they can.
Neuro-typicals usually treat their partners better when they’re having an affair. This is to alleviate the guilt they’re feeling. Narcissists don’t feel much guilt for how they treat others. So they don’t need to act super nice to feel better about how badly they’re treating you.
Most people understand that if someone suddenly starts treating you nice, then they might be covering up for something. So in a strange way, the narcissist treating you worse can make you not suspect them of cheating.
Related: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? How To Recognize A Perpetual Cheater
5. Your Gut Tells You Something’s wrong
Whilst your gut feelings aren’t infallible, they’re always worth listening to. And if you get a consistent gut feeling they’re having an affair, then this could be a sign.
Our brains process enormous amounts of information all the time. And most of it is without our conscious involvement.
Your brain may automatically (or subconsciously) work out certain patterns and things that are said. And conclude that your partner is having an affair. So it lets you know what it thinks.
Your subconscious mind doesn’t communicate in words. It communicates emotions and feelings. So if your gut is telling you they’re having an affair, then it’s your subconscious mind telling you something is wrong. It might not be right, but it’s definitely worth listening to.
6. Changes In Behaviour
Narcissists often display more changes in behavior than neuro-typicals when they’re having an affair. That’s because narcissists are usually less patient. And won’t wait for the perfect moment to cheat. The narcissist is usually more forceful about making it happen.
In my marriage, I noticed that my wife suddenly became more encouraging for me to work more over time. Whereas in the past she always discouraged this. I wonder why!
Narcissists may roll out lame excuses for why they need to go out. Or why they’re late home. Or tell stories of where they’ve been, that doesn’t quite add up.
As we know, narcissists usually think they’re more intelligent than they really are. So they can become lazy with their stories, and make mistakes. And when you question them, they have to invent even more fantastical lies to get out of it. But this can cause a weird paradoxical thing to occur.
Their lies can become so outrageous, that intelligent people may be fooled into thinking they couldn’t possibly make this up. As Adolf Hitler stated in his book “Mein Kampf” if you tell a big enough lie, no one could believe anyone would have the “impudence to distort the truth so infamously.”
Related: 13 Ways The Liars, Gaslighters, And Cheats Show You Who They Are
7. Talks About This Person Often
Narcissists typically push away their emotions and feelings to protect themselves from hurt. One downside to that is they don’t experience enough feelings to keep them interested in life. Life is flat and boring without feelings. So they take risks and create dramas to spice things up. And what better rush is there than talking to your current partner about the person they’re having an affair with?
Narcissists often use the tactic of “hiding in plain sight”. And may regularly talk about the person they’re having an affair with. And may socialize with them too.
The narcissist won’t admit they’re having an affair. But they almost get off from you suspecting. So they may leave you clues. Just enough to make you feel jealous. But not enough where you know what they’re up to. That’s the plan anyway.
Narcissists love their partners being jealous. Because if you’re jealous, then you MUST care about them. Plus it means they hold power over you. They can make you feel jealous and shitty, just by dropping a certain name into the conversation. And narcissists love being able to do this.
Want to know more about what happens when a narcissist is cheating on you? Check this video out below!
Final Thoughts
Contrary to popular belief, not all narcissists cheat. But it seems that many do at some point. But they’re not in the habit of holding up their hands and admitting a mistake if you confront them.
Narcissists think differently than most of us. And they act differently when they’re having an affair. By learning their signs, you can better spot what they’re up to.
The frustrating thing is that narcissists won’t usually admit to an affair, even when there’s overwhelming evidence. So even if you’re 99% sure of what they’re up to, that small shred of uncertainty leaves conscientious people giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Unless you catch them in the act, it’s difficult to be 100% certain. And what are the chances of you catching them red-handed? You probably won’t even catch them red-faced.
But, if you see these signs, then the chances are they’re treating you even worse than normal. And that’s probably enough grounds to end a relationship, should you want to.
Life’s too short to put up with bad treatment. So ultimately you should ask yourself this question – Is your life better or worse for having them in it? And if it’s worse, then you know what you should do.
Please visit Jon Rhodes at www.Narcissisms.com to learn more about narcissists and their behaviors.
Written By Jon Rhodes Originally Appeared On Narcissisms
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