Ever felt trapped in a toxic love, unable to break free despite constant abuse? Learn how narcissists keep you hooked with one of the powerful narcissist tricks: intermittent reinforcement.
This emotional tool is commonly used by casinos, animal trainers, and yes, even narcissists, to get and keep people hooked on anything.
Intermittent reinforcement occurs when one person in a relationship metes out or reinforces rules, rewards, or boundaries occasionally or inconsistently.
Instead of discouraging the other person, this method actually fuels their attempts to extract the reward once again, keeping them hopelessly locked onto the relationship.
Related: 12 Signs You Are Married To A Narcissist
When it comes to getting what we want, we humans can be just as persistent as trained animals or seasoned gamblers.
Take, for example, the child whose parent always says “no” but occasionally backtracks and says “yes.” It’s that small chance of getting what they want that drives them to whine, tantrum, or harangue until they get another yes.
It’s like hitting the jackpot on a slot machine – even if it’s rare, the possibility keeps us hooked and coming back for more.
So the next time you find yourself whining for that 10% chance of a “yes,” just remember – you’re not alone in falling for the trick of the occasional reward.
How Narcissists Keep You Hooked?
You may be wondering, “how do narcissists keep you hooked?”, well, they are actually experts at keeping their victims hooked.
They give you a ping of validation when they sense you’re about to pull away, just to keep you tied to a relationship that serves their needs, usually at your expense.
It’s a cycle that starts with the narcissist flooding you with expressions of love and adoration. You are beautiful, witty, enchanting, the person they’ve been searching for. Your heart sings, and you let yourself believe you’ve finally found “the one.”
Then, out of nowhere, the narcissist switches tracks. Suddenly, you can’t do anything right. The qualities they once exalted are now your worst faults.
They’re bored with you, disinterested. They start to mention other people they’re interested in or even bring up their exes. You’re left confused and hurt, wondering what happened and if it’s your fault.
But it’s not you. It’s the narcissist’s cycle, the devalue and discard phase, where they project their internalized self-hate and disdain onto you by doing and saying things to make you feel invalidated, rejected, and insecure.
Related: 3 Reasons Why Narcissists Always Return To Former Victims
Most people with even a bit of self-esteem will recognize this cycle and decide to leave the relationship. That’s when the narcissist employs their emotional hook.
To keep you from exiting, they do an about-face and signal that you’re back in. They’re attentive, they remember your favorite takeout, they take you in their arms, and all seems right with the world again. You exhale with relief.
But it won’t last. The good times become fewer and further between, and the D&D phase becomes more frequent. However, the pain of D&D never loosens its grip, as long as the narcissist continues to fall back on these tricks.
Cutting ties with a narcissist is tough, but necessary. No ifs, ands, or buts about it – a no-contact policy is the way to go. The sooner they’re history, the sooner you’ll be on your way to a healthier and happier you.
Remember, this kind of reinforcement is the narcissist’s most powerful trick, but it’s up to you to break free and take back control of your life.
Related: Surviving A Mom-ster: Trials And Tribulations Of Daughters Of Elderly Narcissistic Mothers
The world of narcissists is a tricky one to navigate. Their charming and seductive ways can make it difficult to recognize the hooks they use to keep you ensnared.
However, with awareness and understanding of their manipulative tactics, you can break free from their grasp and reclaim your power.
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