The Ego Dynamic Between The Narcissists and Empaths

Ego Dynamic Between The Narcissists and Empaths

There’s a lot of buzz in the media these days about Narcissists and Empaths/Highly Sensitives attracting to one another. One popular theory is that Narcissists prey on Empaths and Sensitives because of their overly giving nature. While that is primarily true, there is another reason that goes even deeper, and it has to do with ego.


First, let’s consider the definition of egotistical as it relates to Narcissists in general:


  1. Excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered.
  2. Arrogance, selfishness, greed, a sense of entitlement to whatever one wants.

Too much ego can lead to serious problems with treating people as means to ends: such people (i.e., Narcissists) feel entitled to do whatever it takes to get what he/she wants. This leads to abuses of ends/means reasoning (using other people to fulfill the ego’s wants).

Related: 5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy

It’s no surprise that the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (DSM-IV) states that people with the disorder:

  1. have a grandiose sense of self-importance
  2. have a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
  3. are interpersonally exploitative, i.e., taking advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends


Empaths do possess an ego to some degree but don’t operate solely from ego as Narcissists do. For an Empath, the ego is experienced primarily in judging others and feelings of anger/resentment. These ego-driven emotions are usually incited in the Empath/HSP after witnessing acts of cruelty and hatred, interactions that they consider unfair or one-sided, and similar incidents.

Related: The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist

Empaths operate predominately from love, humility, and giving.  They have a natural capacity for healing and teaching others.  However, until they learn how to responsibly use those gifts, they are often taken advantage of…not only by romantic partners but people in general.

Many Empaths don’t realize what they are and go through life feeling used and unfulfilled.  The Empath persona encompasses several personality types and traits and can include:

  • INFJ
  • ENFJ
  • Melancholic
  • Introvert
  • Intuitive

(**These are the main types, and listed simply as a matter of reference)

The Magnetic Attraction

Empath’s sole purpose is to facilitate healing in others.  Unfortunately, they usually ignore their own needs in doing so. They have a propensity to feel what’s going on outside of them more so than what’s inside. 

In general, an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive, and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates distress in an Empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a conflict, they will strive to resolve the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it altogether.

Related: Are you a psychopath? Lets see if you Can You Pass This Test

Because of these natural tendencies, the unaware Empath often finds themselves staying in a relationship with a toxic personality for too long.  Further, Empaths often have a track record of developing codependent behaviors in childhood to deal with the overwhelm of unfairness in the world and to please others, which they usually carry into their adult relationships…until a soul crisis happens where they are forced into awakening.

50 thoughts on “The Ego Dynamic Between The Narcissists and Empaths”

  1. “the Empath usually learns their soul lessons and undergoes an awakening” – yep thats what happened

  2. I disagree. I feel that I’ve been drawn to narcissists and they to me because we need something from one another. They are seeking healing from deep traumas, and I am seeking to learn to be stronger and truer in my own convictions. Narcissists are described as charismatic people who can influence others easily… By loving someone they can’t influence and manipulate completely, they learn to move around others in healthier ways. By empaths loving narcissists, we learn to be the rock that can endure the endless chasing of life’s waves on our shore. We are drawn together for a cosmic purpose, to moderate each other THROUGH LOVE. I can’t condemn or hate them for their struggle, and I admit it’s difficult to see where they are coming from sometimes, but when you look at the research most people who suffer from NPD were emotionally abused as children. I just try to love the child within, and have learned to strengthen my own boundaries to keep myself safe. Hope this helps those of you who have had unsuccessful experiences with this personality type. <3

  3. narcissists have not enough light of their own..they feed off ours till they get cut off..or change–they are the last to change as the narcissistic thing is built up like a castle moat around the human stuck behind the walls..can’t blast them out until they are drop the walls, the fakiry and the lies..

  4. I often feel they need, desire validation which absorbs and truly hinders them for associating with others. All I can say is pray for them. But stay at a distance. Not healthy for interactions (!)

  5. I’ve definitely had a spiritual awakening after my recent break up with a narcissist.. it may not have happened had I not crossed his path. very interesting article, thanks for sharing ????

  6. There is a lot of Truth to this. I am the empath, and my Ex-Wife, the Narcissist. When I finally found out, I was being Played and Used as a Puppet for her amusement. It was time for the Divorce.

  7. This hits so close to home for me..what I experienced in my most recent was s matter how much I sacrificed or gave to this person..he was never appreciative and always took and had nothing but resentment and anger to give me in return no matter how much compassion and love I showed him

  8. I do not do very well with narcissist. I gave up a great friendship because I was carrying my friend’s weight of her Nar….,.. Husband. Grrrrr , just thinking about it. It took a while , but I am in a healthier place.

  9. Both are ego states, ultimately. Just like victims and perpetrators. In the long run, everyone switches sides and plays the other role. Spiritual development involves going beyond identification with either of these roles – within the self and within others.

  10. unfortunately I ve seen this here on this site..its sad they are just predators toying with an empath at the same time bullying and laughing at there expense ..this is a very important message

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