#4 – Staying in contact
Have you and your ex agreed to ‘be friends?’ Do you want to set an example for other people that people can break up and remain friends? Good for you but, I am afraid, it’s mostly impossible to do so.
When people are romantically involved and break up, especially if it’s one-sided, being friends just isn’t possible. The person who is broken up with will use that friendship as an excuse to stay connected with their person and hope for a reunion. The breaker up could get frustrated with their ex’s clinginess and connection and might push them away or even ghost them.
If you would honestly like to be friends with your ex someday, as I am with many of mine, first take some time to get past the end of the relationship and get out into the world. Staying in contact with them now will only serve to slow down your healing.
#5 – Holding on to what could be
Two things that I hear over and over and over after a break up is that they wish that things could be back to the way they were at the beginning and that they wish their person could be the person they know they can be. Wishing for these things will only drive you bonkers.
The beginning of a relationship is a magical time. Hours are spent sharing your deepest thoughts, your heart races whenever you see them and the chemistry is crazy. Unfortunately, maintaining the chemically induced excitement of the early part of a relationship is simply impossible.
Even people in the long term, happy relationships no longer have those crazy feelings about each other. Their chemical draw has settled and they move into a more comfortable, loving relationship.
Furthermore, many people hold onto their exes because they focus on what their partner could be. My client who had to break up with her beau because he was a mess saw the long-term potential in him, especially if she just loved him enough. Unfortunately, holding on to someone because of what they could be will only be an exercise in futility. You can’t save or change someone and trying to will only hurt you more.
So, if you are longing for the early days to return or know your person can change, know that neither will happen and take steps to move on.
There are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup so know that you aren’t alone.
Break-ups are painful and the need for the pain to go away makes people do things that are not self-serving.
Make every effort to resist seeking closure and extensive snooping, don’t stay in contact or move on too quickly. And, importantly, understand that things will never go back to the way there were and you can’t make your person into the person you think they can be.
I know that you want to find love – we all do! If you can avoid making these common mistakes then you will be able to move on quickly and find the love that you have always been seeking.
You can do it
You May Also Like:
- You Don’t Owe Anything To Your Ex After A Breakup. Or May Be You Do.
- What Regretting A Relationship After A BreakUp Actually Means
- 7 Important Things You Must Know About Healing After A Divorce Or Breakup
- 9 Things You Should Never Do After A Breakup
- 5 Things To Remember After A Breakup