If you regret breaking up with your ex and believe that the entire relationship was a waste of your life, then there are a lot of things going inside you that you might want to take a closer look at.
I was talking to a client the other week, and he mentioned that he regretted a year-long relationship that had recently come to an end in his life.
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone saying that they wished they could undo the fact that an intimate relationship had taken place.
If this is a thought that you’ve had about a specific relationship, then this short, dense article is going to be a bit of a mind fuck for you.
Alright, no more preamble. No foreplay. Here’s what’s up.
What It Means If You Regret A Relationship
One of two things is going on if you wish you could take back a relationship.
1. Either you aren’t finished processing your pain, or
2. You haven’t given up the victim mentality, taken responsibility, and gleaned your lessons from the relationship yet.
Every relationship we ever engage in… no matter how frustrating, tumultuous, or painful it is… was attracted into our lives to teach us something specific.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship lasted for a day, or for 100 years. It’s all valuable content for your never-ending character growth.
So if you’re in a place where you’re telling yourself you wish you could strike a relationship from your mental records, you either need to process your hurt or search for the lessons.
Related: 13 Signs He Is Still Not Over His Ex
Ways To Process The Hurt You Still Carry
Still hurting? Try the following.
1. Set aside an hour to listen to sad songs, look at photos of you and your ex, find the hurt in your body, and breathe deeply into it.
Give the hurt your full attention and tell it, ‘Pain, you have a home here. It’s okay that I feel this way.’ Cry as much as you can, then take another deep breath and go about your day.
2. Write an angry letter to your ex where you let it all hang out.
Embrace the victim mindset and say all of the nastiest shit you can think of. Then, burn the letter. Or rip it up into tiny pieces and throw it in the recycling bin. No, you can’t send it to them. Your pain is your pain. The point isn’t to externalize your pain and make others hurts… the point is to be responsible with your emotions and give them a healthy outlet.
3. Vent all of your residual pain, frustration, and thoughts to a close, trusted, a non-shaming friend who can hold space for you.
Tell them what you want from them upfront (most likely, not to have them offer any suggestions or advice, but simply to hear you out fully until you’re done), and then purge the words out of your mouth. There’s a therapeutic benefit to being witnessed in our truth… even if our truth is temporary and being shared through the lens of our hurt. Share your thoughts, release any emotions that come up if that occurs… and then take a deep breath, hug your friend, and move forward.
Related: Why Your Toxic Ex Keeps Coming Back
3 Ways To Extract Lessons From A Relationship
Still can’t find any tiny sliver of the potential benefit that could have come from the relationship? Totally at a loss for why you had to go through it? Try the following.
1. Is one frustrating aspect of the relationship that it was similar to other relationships you have had in the past (either in how the relationship was day to day, or how it ended)? Then there must be a lesson that is trying to make itself known to you.