By keeping these truths about healing after a divorce or breakup in mind, you can heal more quickly.
It may sound trite to say that “no two relationships are alike,” but it’s true. And in the context of healing after a divorce or breakup, the maxim is just as germane.
Give a canvas, paints and brushes to all the students in an art class and tell them to render the same model.
Even with the same instruction, the visual interpretations will be as unique as the artists themselves.
And so it is with giving relationship advice. The “experts” can give insight, objective observations, suggestions — even relevant scientific data.
But how you absorb and apply the counsel will be as unique as you are – especially if you’re struggling with feeling unlovable, lost and discouraged.
When healing after a divorce or breakup, it’s important to remember the unique, non-duplicatable nature of yourself and the relationship you’ve just left.
What may work seamlessly for helping one person heal may create a tangled mess for another.
And one person may have a remarkable ability to move on and into a new relationship while another may embark on an unforeseen journey as a happy single.
One piece of sound advice is not to allow yourself to get swept up into myths and formulas about healing after a divorce or breakup.
Rocket science couldn’t possibly control for all the variables that influence a human life, let alone a relationship. And it certainly couldn’t create a fail-proof formula for healing in its aftermath. Neither can the “experts.”
So give yourself a break, and know that the information provided here is intended to inspire your healing process as much as guide it.
Only you can decide how much you reflect upon it, return to it and implement it.
Your relationship, in both its positive and negative qualities, existed to teach you and your partner essential lessons for your lives on earth.
It was the forum for wrestling with unresolved issues and restless demons, while pioneering a future as a blended endeavor.
Your break-up and healing exist to teach you essential lessons, as well. And those lessons will continue to help you pioneer a life as unique as you.
At any and every point in your healing process, you have the choice to search for and hopefully find peace and growth within your loss. These tips can help you do that.
Below are 7 important things to know about healing after a divorce or breakup:
1. Healing takes time and patience.
Take the formulas for how long it takes to heal from a divorce or breakup with a grain of salt. At best, consider them with relativity.
The important thing to remember is that grief work is not It simply isn’t. While there are several identifiable stages of grief, they are rarely if ever navigated in order, in isolation, or in a fixed amount of time.
Be kind to yourself, and be as patient with the questions and misgivings that come up during your healing journey as you are with the moments of clarity.
2. Relationships have a profound impact on your self-concept.
By the time you enter a relationship, you already have a lifetime of relationships that have shaped your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and behaviors.
When you enter into a committed love relationship, you essentially carry all those relationships to the altar with you, as does your partner with his/her relationships.
Think about all the influences on who you are!
And now you are committing all of that to one lifetime relationship that will not only shape who you are, but influence the direction of your life.
So it makes sense that as you heal from your divorce or breakup that you may feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. Yet working through this loss is actually how you’ll be able to find yourself again.
3. Breakups involve unraveling.
Because you committed yourselves to a unified life, you were naturally “woven together” in your marriage or committed relationship.
A breakup, therefore, involves an unraveling of your lives so that you can go forward independently.
Cognitively that makes sense. But emotionally it can be devastating and fraught with confusion and disorientation. You’ll probably ask yourself questions like:
Who am I without her/him?