The biggest obstacle to a relationship is trying to get into a relationship.
The modern dating is more about trying to catch a fish and impress it! Most people are socially desperate about finding a ‘compatible’ partner for themselves. But a genuine connection doesn’t work that way. You meet each other in a setup, interview each other, try to impress each other and force each other to feel attraction. These ultimately leaves both of them wondering “Will this go anywhere?”
Consider another situation where a person simply spends time honestly connecting to other people. Sometimes it ends up in friendship and the other times it might end up in an authentic connection. These people do not try hard. They simply connect without wondering ‘whats’, ‘whys’ and ‘wheres’ of the situation.
A relationship is often bound by rules, compromises, promises, and sacrifices. But a connection surpasses everything. A connection has no commitment, no rules and no expectation of tomorrow. A connection happens at a spiritual level, where the existence of bodily attraction is also not mandatory.
While there are four different kinds of connectedness – four possible corners of our relational space – only one of them will help you thrive. The other three corners will hamper your well-being.
They can even destroy your vision, your ambition, your positivity, your other relationships, your performance, your health and drag you down in life. The key is to get out of any of the other three and into the only one that works.
Think of this dynamic as the geometry of relationships, a square with four corners:
Corner 1: Disconnection, No Connection
Corner 2: The Bad Connection
Corner 3: The Pseudo-Good Connection
Corner 4: True Connection
Here are the 4 Types of relationship we encounter in our lifetime:
Some people never really build a connection with anyone, in the true sense of the term. This does not mean that they do no socialize. They do interact and communicate in a social, professional and personal level, but their interactions are not profound enough to form an authentic connection.
They are closed off about their thoughts, feelings, values, and ideas. They don’t share their feelings, ideas or plans. Mostly, these people have rigid personal boundaries that they won’t let others break.
You may try your best to connect with these people by trying to understand me, empathize with them but they just won’t let you in. They make other people feel unheard, unwanted and devalued.
2. The Bad Connection
Some people just don’t make you feel good enough. They are not necessarily overtly abusive but are might as well be subtly abusing you. These people are always finding faults in others and hence never values the relationship they form with anyone for that matter.
For them, anything their partner does is not sufficient, to the mark, or enough. These type of connection will drain your positive energy to the point of you giving up on trying.
This person has a magical power to make you feel bad, as though everything you have ever done is wrong. In such a relationship, you constantly keep being defensive. You never get the reaction you need from them, even when you approach in the best way.