MY CLOSURE from a Narcissist

Written By:

Written By:

my closure from a narcissist 1 1

When a relationship with a narcissist comes to an end, many people find that they canโ€™t move on with their lives until they find closure. Closure is not going to come from the narcissist. It has got to come from yourself.




โ€˜So many people want closure from a narcissist.
YOU DONโ€™T NEED IT FROM THEM.
Now, what sort of closure can you expect from someone with the emotional maturity of a toddler?
Give it to yourself. Pull down the shutters and bolt every door so that they never open again. Let them toddle off into whatever hell they have created for themselves. Youโ€™ve got your clarity and you know itโ€™s better this way. Thatโ€™s your closure.โ€™

Closure is not going to come from the narcissist.

There will be no, โ€˜Iโ€™m sorry, I treated you badly,โ€™ or โ€˜I didnโ€™t mean to hurt you.โ€™ Narcissists like to think that you will forever be under their influence and control. They donโ€™t care if youโ€™re struggling and find it difficult to move on without any form of closure from them.

Narcissist

They are not going to feel any shred of remorse for the way that they treated you.

In fact, itโ€™s very likely that they will blame you for the demise of the relationship. (You didnโ€™t treat them with the respect that they deserved. You didnโ€™t give them the attention they craved. By now you probably get the picture.) A relationship with a narcissist is not a normal one by any stretch of the imagination and the ending will be no different. That final curtain may fall with such shattering speed that you donโ€™t know whatโ€™s hit you.



Sometimes there will be no rhyme or reason as to why you have been discarded or abandoned and they have moved on so quickly to their next target as if you never existed. Such a callous discard will have you questioning your self-worth and wondering if you ever meant anything to them at all.

Trying to find an explanation and closure from a narcissist will cause you more pain. They will never see things from your point of view. They are experts at re-writing history.

Read Letter From a Narcissistโ€™s โ€œTrue Selfโ€




Finding closure starts with cutting the narcissistic individual out of your life in the form of no contact.

You have got to let go of the thoughts of them being the person you once thought they were. They have shown you their true colors. Donโ€™t try to paint a different picture.

Many people, in their desperate struggle to get some form of closure, write, text or email, pleading for answers only to be met with silence. Their lack of empathy and compassion will never have been more obvious to you than it is now.

The narcissist will not be feeling sorry for your anguish but what they will be doing is relishing in the supply you are providing and their power over you. Your pain will show them just how important and significant they are. For your own well-being and as a matter of holding on to your self-respect, donโ€™t pour your heart out to a selfish person whose heart is as cold as ice.

Read What It Means When a Narcissist Says โ€œI Love Youโ€

Show them that you can do just fine without them. Your indifference will cause them a narcissistic injury which is what they deserve.

Researching the subject of NPD is a good start. It will help you to understand why they behaved in the way that they did, that the problem is not you and that they are destined to repeat this pattern of behaviour with each and every person that they encounter.




In my own personal circumstances, after being no contact for over a year, I decided to send an email.

There were things I needed to say. I did not expect or need a response. Below are some extracts from that email.

โ€˜โ€ฆYour behavior because you were not the centre of attention, was one that one would expect from a five year old. The emotions of a man of your nature have not matured with age. They have got stuck somewhere in your childhood and sadly that is just the way you are and will always be.

I have been told that you have moved on and found someone else. I would like to wish you all the best and hope that it works out but I wonโ€™t because I know that it will end just like all the others. You are not capable of a deep and lasting love. Your relationships will all turn into dictatorships and if they have any self-respect they will run at the first sign of manipulation and control.

Read 19 Things A Narcissist Says and What They Really Mean

(This relationship didnโ€™t last long.)

When I found out what you said to my daughter at Christmas 2012 when I sent you up your Christmas dinner and I had the flu, I honestly couldnโ€™t believe that someone would be so cruel. In case you have forgotten, I will remind you. You said, โ€˜itโ€™s not a bit of wonder your daddy did what he did.โ€™

(My husband had taken his own life)

Why such a callous remark? That was truly a despicable thing to say, even for you. When I have told people that, they have all said that I am better off without someone who could say something so cruel.




(My son had initiated a tribunal case against him)

The lies you told didnโ€™t surprise me. I honestly believe we would have won the case but there was so much work going on in the house at the time that I didnโ€™t need the hassle or the stress so it was better to walk away. However, it did give me some satisfaction when my son received a cheque for back pay and the Revenue informed us that you had been fined. Justice was done in the end.

You know that I saw you stalking me at the farm in June. I donโ€™t know what that was about but I can tell you that I am very happy there and so are Ben and Asia. (My two horses.)

I came over to Tenerife in May / June to see the dentist in Los Abrigos and had to come back for a few weeks now. For the past two weeks I have been staying in the Penthouse in Duquesa del Mar, a beautiful complex. I met a lovely couple here and I have been offered an apartment here any time I want it and I intend to take them up on that offer. I know last year โ€ฆ..(his son) told people that I was over here stalking you when I was staying 20 miles away. When I found out I sent him a text saying that if he pushed me too far that I would see him in court. That still stands.
Remind him that it was me who booked a holiday to this area in the first place and I like it too.

(He bought an apartment there two years ago and I was told not to go back to the area.)

When I was speaking to Ronny the other day, he agreed and said, โ€˜Why shouldnโ€™t you come back here?โ€™ Exactly. God willing. I intend to.

I know you are probably ripping your hair out now by some of the things that I have said, but I really donโ€™t care. You said to me the night of my husbandโ€™s funeral, โ€˜I am not a bad man Anne.โ€™




You know, I believed that for a very long time and felt sorry for you because you had never found happiness in your life. I donโ€™t think you ever will. I know that I am not the sort of person who can be happy hating someone but I know that for a long period of time I was very close to thatโ€ฆโ€ฆ

I donโ€™t hate you now but I donโ€™t know that I can ever forgive you. Maybe in time. I hope so. That would make me a better person if I can. The reason I have sent you this letter is for me. This is my closure.

This worked for me. I think we all need to do what is right for each of us as an individual. This chapter of my life is now over.


Written ย by Anne McCrea
Originally appeared on Narcissist And Emotional Abuse
Printed with permission
Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion is now available on Amazon.
MY CLOSURE from a Narcissist
my closure from a narcissist pin


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

The Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

Manipulation is sneaky, toxic, and all too common in how people treat each other. Letโ€™s dive into the 5 worst forms of manipulation that can mess with your mind and emotions.

KEY POINTS

The worst forms of manipulation are those that unravel our sense of self, leaving us doubting our worth.

Whether itโ€™s gaslighting, love bombing, or guilt-tripping, the goal is always the same: Control.

Once we recognize these tactics, we can reclaim our power and ignore the mind games.

Humans are hands-down the most social creatures on the planet. We can form a

Up Next

Is Your Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? 9 Ways to Help Her Break Free

Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? Things You Can Do

Have you ever had a very strong gut feeling that your daughter might not be in a healthy relationship? Or that she is in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? Today we are going to talk about what you can do, when you have a daughter in a controlling relationship.

Yeah, itโ€™s a tough pill to swallow. Bossy boyfriends sneakily isolate, manipulate and dim the light in the people they date. And if your daughter is dating someone like this, then it’s understandable how tough it can be to watch that.

However, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel – as her mother, you can help her break free from her controlling boyfriend. This isnโ€™t about swooping in like a superhero; itโ€™s about being smart, supportive, and steady.

First, let’s start with trying to understand who a controlling boyfriend

Up Next

8 Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Gaslighting is often misunderstood, and myths about gaslighting only adds to the confusion. Understanding this and trying to break down the most common misconceptions can help us uncover the truth about this manipulative behavior.

KEY POINTS

There’s a difference between casual phrases and patterns of manipulative behavior.

Gaslighting can have serious consequences and leave emotional and psychological pain.

Recognizing gaslighters can save you a lot of emotional pain and doubt.

Itโ€™s concerning how certain psychological terms can quickly become f

Up Next

6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

Up Next

10 Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

So, who exactly is a โ€œvindictive motherโ€? Well, itโ€™s not just a mom whoโ€™s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. Weโ€™re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isnโ€™t your regular parentโ€”she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

Related:

Up Next

Feeling Exhausted? 8 Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Have you ever hung out with someone and have left feeling like you just ran a 5k marathon without moving an inch? If you’re nodding along, this is just one of the many signs of an emotionally draining person.

These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe itโ€™s time to figure out if youโ€™re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

Today, we are going to talk about what is an emotionally draining person, the traits of an emotionally draining person and how to deal with an emotionally draining person.

Let’s start with what is an emotionally draining

Up Next

10 Toxic Communication Patterns That Are Secretly Destroying Your Relationship

Toxic Communication Patterns That Can Destroy Your Bond

Toxic communication patterns in relationships are like sneaky little termitesโ€”hard to spot at first but causing huge damage over time. These signs of unhealthy communication can quietly creep in and, before you know it, you’re stuck in a cycle of miscommunication, frustration, and emotional burnout.

The way you speak to each other is everything in a relationship, and if things arenโ€™t being communicated clearly, things can go downhill pretty fast. And before you know it, your relationship is over, leaving you wondering what went wrong.

Today we are going to talk about ten toxic communication patterns, and what unhealthy communication in relationships look like.

Related: