‘So many people want closure from a narcissist.
YOU DON’T NEED IT FROM THEM.
Now, what sort of closure can you expect from someone with the emotional maturity of a toddler?
Give it to yourself. Pull down the shutters and bolt every door so that they never open again. Let them toddle off into whatever hell they have created for themselves. You’ve got your clarity and you know it’s better this way. That’s your closure.’
When a relationship with a narcissist comes to an end, many people find that they can’t move on with their lives until they find closure.
Closure is not going to come from the narcissist. It has got to come from yourself.
There will be no, ‘I’m sorry, I treated you badly,’ or ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ Narcissists like to think that you will forever be under their influence and control. They don’t care if you’re struggling and find it difficult to move on without any form of closure from them.
They are not going to feel any shred of remorse for the way that they treated you.
In fact, it’s very likely that they will blame you for the demise of the relationship. (You didn’t treat them with the respect that they deserved. You didn’t give them the attention they craved. By now you probably get the picture.) A relationship with a narcissist is not a normal one by any stretch of the imagination and the ending will be no different. That final curtain may fall with such shattering speed that you don’t know what’s hit you.
Sometimes there will be no rhyme or reason as to why you have been discarded or abandoned and they have moved on so quickly to their next target as if you never existed. Such a callous discard will have you questioning your self-worth and wondering if you ever meant anything to them at all.
Trying to find an explanation and closure from a narcissist will cause you more pain. They will never see things from your point of view. They are experts at re-writing history.
Finding closure starts with cutting the narcissistic individual out of your life in the form of no contact.
You have got to let go of the thoughts of them being the person you once thought they were. They have shown you their true colors. Don’t try to paint a different picture.
Many people, in their desperate struggle to get some form of closure, write, text or email, pleading for answers only to be met with silence. Their lack of empathy and compassion will never have been more obvious to you than it is now. The narcissist will not be feeling sorry for your anguish but what they will be doing is relishing in the supply you are providing and their power over you. Your pain will show them just how important and significant they are. For your own well-being and as a matter of holding on to your self-respect, don’t pour your heart out to a selfish person whose heart is as cold as ice. Show them that you can do just fine without them. Your indifference will cause them a narcissistic injury which is what they deserve.
Researching the subject of NPD is a good start. It will help you to understand why they behaved in the way that they did, that the problem is not you and that they are destined to repeat this pattern of behavior with each and every person that they encounter.
In my own personal circumstances, after being no contact for over a year, I decided to send an email.
There were things I needed to say. I did not expect or need a response. Below are some extracts from that email.
‘…Your behavior because you were not the centre of attention, was one that one would expect from a five year old. The emotions of a man of your nature have not matured with age. They have got stuck somewhere in your childhood and sadly that is just the way you are and will always be.
I have been told that you have moved on and found someone else. I would like to wish you all the best and hope that it works out but I won’t because I know that it will end just like all the others. You are not capable of a deep and lasting love. Your relationships will all turn into dictatorships and if they have any self-respect they will run at the first sign of manipulation and control.