Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

Letter From Narcissists True Self

Here’s a hypothetical letter was written from the point of view of a narcissist’s True Self.

The advice is given here by a Narcissist’s “True Self” is almost the polar opposite of whatever their False Self would tell you. That’s because their False Self is a lie and isn’t who they really are, even though they may have been wearing this mask for so long they can never access their True Self without enormous difficulty or even at all.

Always follow the advice of their True Self, no matter how much they protest and rage unless you want further abuse. It’s actually the best thing for them if they ever decide to look in the mirror past the lies they show the world (and may have come to believe is the truth)–and of course, it’s best for you.

Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

Letter from a Narcissist’s True Self:

Dear Victim,

I have lied to you about nearly everything. I am not sorry for this behavior because I cannot empathize with you. I chose narcissism so early in my life that I never had the chance to develop a conscience or the capacity to feel remorse or empathy for the way I hurt you. Still. I know it’s wrong on an intellectual level. I just cannot feel your pain. Sometimes I wish I could, but I can’t.

Related: Are Narcissists Predictable? The Playbook They Use To Manipulate You

I became a narcissist because as a child I felt too vulnerable. I was sensitive. I felt too much and most of it was painful. I was made to feel like I was nothing, a nobody. I was hurt, betrayed, abused, just like you. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t loved, or why I was treated with contempt and like I didn’t matter. I was also was never given a good example of how to become a good person. I never had anyone to model in a positive way.

Life was so painful for me I had to do something about it. Something drastic. I had to become strong and never show weakness again because my weakness was killing me. I was trained that being a sensitive person who feels compassion and remorse, a person who can love others, is a weak person. I know that isn’t really the case, but it was how I was trained. I was so young that I couldn’t see how wrong that might have been.

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I reached a point where I had to make a choice. In order to survive, I had to sacrifice my humanity. I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I had to sell my soul.

In order to sell my soul, I had to shut you and everyone else out. I couldn’t allow myself to feel too much. I couldn’t allow myself to be sensitive anymore, and that meant I could no longer allow myself to love anyone, feel anyone else’s pain or joy, or feel sorry if I did something wrong.

I had to don this mask that I wear, which is a lie. In order to keep that lie intact, I had to treat others badly. I had to diminish you to prop my false self up. I had to hate you in order to “love” the mask that I show the world because if I didn’t continually prop myself up by making you feel bad, my mask of lies might fall off and expose the real me, a powerless and vulnerable child which I had to protect at all costs, even if it meant destroying everyone else around me. I am a bully but inside I know I am nothing. I act like I love myself but I really hate myself. I only love the mask I wear. I abuse you to protect that mask.

29 thoughts on “Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self””

  1. Monique Theobald

    This is truly my dad and ex, i’m lucky I escaped. Be brave people and walk away, being with youself again is liberation and freedom from pain. God bless, happy new year.

  2. I know someone who exactly like this and i love him much, very much. I can’t leave and abandone my feeling from him even his age was twice my age. I’m comfort with him, i adore him, respect him,… sometimes i thought that he is my everything. When he smile,… i just can’t take my eyes from him. That’s i fall in love to him. Yes, first to know him, i can’t believe there will be man like this. Didn’t any feeling,… he can’t feel people. How hurt people. He said all what in his mind without filtered anything. It’s hurt, but when i knew n learned more about him, i felt sorry for him. He through all those painful alone,… no one understand him. He must be strong to survive and alive all time, even his closed family don’t deeply know him. Please… wishes me that he could change. Not only for me, buat also for people around him. I hope someday he will propose me too. I love him very much… I’ve been in a relationships before, but he is the first man which can fill my heart full. With him, I don’t need others. … as people say ‘he is my universe’.
    Thank you

  3. TY for this heart felt letter. It is spot on.i I am the mom of a now adult N/S. I separated myself from her as I’d want to clear the air, she and I had not seen each other for 6 months. Her husband, 5 children and her, had moved from the house he owned across the street from me. They moved around 45 mins away closer to David’s work. The 5 children are my daughter Emily’s, from her 1st marriage. When I spoke to her on the phone to find out if she cared enough about me to talk about things, she said ” I’m at (child) ball game fuck off” .it’s been 2 years since I’ve seen her or my grandchildren. Her husband divorced her 1 a 1/2 years ago, he has the kids, by their choice and they use his last name and he’s working to adopt them, ages 10-18. He has 2 grown kids. Thank God he has them. But of course she has indoctrinated David and the children with her lthries about me and her adult brother. Theywon’t contact us even tho they all knew us extremely well obviously, even David who was my neighbor for 13 years. She is now engaged to someone, she is pregnant with someone baby. About 2-3 months ago she contacted for the first time in 2 years. It was in the msg part of my phone. It could be almost WORD FOR WORD your letter. Then 2 days ago she somehow robbed me and stole her way on to my public FB page. On her profile page she posted around 25 , 2-3 sentence, large lettered posts totally destroying me, her toxic mom with every filthy word for a woman one might think of, lying about things happened with her growing up about me like marijuana (I told them I did it occasionally, never around them, I’m an adult and I dont lie, not even to my children), course in her post i was a pot head for Gods sake, lies bout borrowing $ from EVERBODY. My boyfriend loaned me some one time. I raised 2 kids from ages 2 and 5 single mom. At any rate I’ve blocked her from my FB page so I won’t feel pain, get my feelers hurt, but most of all miss the child I did see occasionally who loved me even if it was fake. TY now I do know it is real. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for 3 months now and will continue to do so. She’s doing the same to he brother and of course her children, funny tho, she mentioned she’s trying very, very hard not to hurt David. She believes he’s the only man who ever truly loved her. He basically couldn’t live with her craziness and lack of ability to clean a house after messing it up, or kitchen for same reason, leaving it for kids or him while she did crafts. She also didn’t cook dinner. I was not THAT model. They would argue, naturally she was unable to change. She just went along with the divorce, understood everything and tried hard not to hurt him.

  4. Thank you for this letter, I now know that I was partially correct about the reason why my husband became a narssacist. I know he has no pain tolerance at all (physically or emotionally) and being an empath myself, I felt his pain hence the reason why he choose to marry me coz I feel all his pain for him and additionally enduring the pain that he inflicts on me. I accepted him and fell in love with him coz I saw the child that he tried so hard to protect and locked away from the world. The reason why I chose him coz I wanted to help the little boy but then not knowing that I was being lured deeper and deeper to his cave willingly and by the time, I realize that the cave has caved in and i am stuck in here was too late. I am in
    perpectual darkness, all these years of thinking that I was getting I am getting him to improve but only to receive more relentless abuse. I see it in his eyes sometimes the slight glance that he know what he was, doing to me is wrong but just a blink, all I can see is his hateful and angry stares accompanied by waves of insults, name calling and belittling. I know i should leave but if I leave, there will just be another person that will take my place and to go through what I have been through with him have no words to describe it. I know what lies ahead and what battles that I will face but after reading this letter, somehow gave me hope and bravery to stay and keep fighting. I refuse to lose him over to dark, we are human beings we are not build for being in the dark. So as you said that only God’s good grace can save you, then I know i will be OK coz when my ally is God, I know I have a chance to bring back this kid to light.

  5. Reading that letter I could not help but see my ex in every word. I had the unfortunate experience of loving a narcissist to a point where I was a broken woman. I was with him for 8years. We were even planning on getting married, everything booked and paid for, even had the dress. I loved him more than life itself, including myself. To say he abused me was an understatement, he beat me that many times that it terrifies me to even think about it and wonder how in the name of god have i survived, he broke my bones, ive had to have surgery to repair my cheekbone, stabbed me, knocked out my teeth (i now have implants), beat me beyong recognition, but then he’d love me and blame me, and the horrific thing was, I believed him, I really did think it was my fault, that i deserved the punishment he was inflicting upon me. Anyone who tried to warn me or help me was shunned, and I let him do that to my family and friends when even though deep down I knew they were right, I gave up everything and everyone for him, the love of my life, while deep down knowing he’d be the death of me. I had to finish with him 8 weeks before the wedding where he beat me out of my sleep, he was relentless with his punches and kicks, I ran, first chance I got I ran and haven’t went back.

  6. For the past two years i have realised that i am a narcissist. I never felt true love for any person, even myself, and it’s killing me inside slowly. In fact i know i am a covert (passive-agressive) narcissist. I am 28, and lost all hope. The best example for me realising was the way i treated my girfriend for an year and a half, and in the past my family members. With my friends i was always friendly but never had a deep connection, not with one person. I have read everything there is about narcissim and i am terrified that there is no easy way do deal with it, i also been diagnosed with GAD and depression. In the past 2 months i have gone in a downwards spiral, trying to cut my supply but my ego is always winning, i am afraid to go to therapy because, i know there is no easy way to fight this, because i have been before and i akways was evasive snd fif nit do my homework. Also i have read that is impossible for us to introspect our lives or our choices. Please any sugeaations would be appreciated. Thank yiu

    1. Hi Bro… don’t worry. The first step to change is always to be aware of one self. Narcissist is still a human too like everyone else – and what make us human, is our feeling. Do whatever you think works the best for you. Meditation, religion, cultivation, etc? Try to be sincere and be yourself. Start with small charity and volunteer job if you could. Do donation…. little by little, hopefully you could be happy too.

      Happiness is after all, what we give out. If one need love, give out more love 🙂 Narcissist is the person who need love the most. By giving out love, (try with sincerity), you will feel love again. All the best and good luck bro!

    2. Hay Alin, Listen closely to what I am saying…. Ok? The world is schizophrenic and a large percentage of the population is deluded with some kind of ideology or belief system and no one has the correct example of how to rase a child properly… It’s all trial and error, learn as you go… I have many features of a narcissistic personality disorder… It is a comping mechanism which I developed in order to survive my adverse childhood experiences, those coping mechanisms are now mal- adaptive and are an impetus for me to want to change… What a gift to have that realization with in… You can never force your psyche to change when you think you want it to change… This took years to develop and it will take time to change… A gradual process of serenader takes place as you adopt new ideas and become aware of your MO’s… Every one wares a mask! Got it? I also have features of a sociopath too, and I find it to be helpful in navigating particular situations that I encounter while navigating the world at large… Being 52 years of age now, I accept how my early experiences have shaped my personality and I do not apologize to anyone for this….

      Remember this, the DSM describes symptomatology of a disorder primarily… A lot of this stuff is not hard scientific evidence… it is not written in stone and you can change your brains wiring by changing your thoughts and interpretation about things that have happened….
      Peoples adverse reactions to this stuff show the truth of who they choose to be… It’s never about you, it’s about their own inability to understand that which they fear getting close to…. Peoples denial mechanism plays it self out in various ways, but it is all the same thing at it’s core….

      So now, are you willing to accept that you got fucked over as a kid and man up to this realization? You are not the only one who got fucked over, so really start to get over this and start to minimize the effects… Think of all the others who are feeling this stuff and who have been victimized… Does your pain take precedence over anybody else? Are your circumstances more paramount than those who suffer from psychic trauma of a similar type?

      I think Yee’s advice is a great suggestion for your healing process… This helped me get over myself when I did this… It really did….

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Alin, I wish you the best….

  7. COMMENTThis is exactly my ex his way of acting.. been with him for 2 years and even after that I had to ignore him in every way.. as soon as I would respond to his crying and begging he would turn in that abusing state of mind. It’s been so hard to close this period in my life .. it took me more than a year to get rid of his stalking.. he took my shine .. but I almost have it back

  8. This is my ex. No feelings of love, no empathy, a life full of lies and is a great actor to all that know him. He can simulate feelings of affection in front of his friends/family but at home he is a monster. His life is full of hate, bullying and jealousy

  9. The narcissist I know was spoilt rotten and never needed to take anyone else into consideration… this may be true for some narcissists but …

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