Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

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Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”



Here is a hypothetical letter was written from the point of view of a narcissist’s True (lost) Self.

The advice given here by the True Self is almost the polar opposite of whatever their False Self would tell you. That’s because their False Self is a lie and isn’t who they really are, even though they may have been wearing this mask for so long they can never access their True Self without enormous difficulty or even at all.

Always follow the advice of their True Self, no matter how much they protest and rage unless you want further abuse. It’s actually the best thing for them if they ever decide to look in the mirror past the lies they show the world (and may have come to believe is the truth)–and of course, it’s best for you.

Letter from a Narcissist’s True Self:

Dear Victim,

I have lied to you about nearly everything. I am not sorry for this behavior because I cannot empathize with you. I chose narcissism so early in my life that I never had the chance to develop a conscience or the capacity to feel remorse or empathy for the way I hurt you. Still. I know it’s wrong on an intellectual level. I just cannot feel your pain. Sometimes I wish I could, but I can’t.




I became a narcissist because as a child I felt too vulnerable. I was sensitive. I felt too much and most of it was painful. I was made to feel like I was nothing, a nobody. I was hurt, betrayed, abused, just like you. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t loved, or why I was treated with contempt and like I didn’t matter. I was also was never given a good example of how to become a good person. I never had anyone to model in a positive way.

Life was so painful for me I had to do something about it. Something drastic. I had to become strong and never show weakness again because my weakness was killing me. I was trained that being a sensitive person who feels compassion and remorse, a person who can love others, is a weak person. I know that isn’t really the case, but it was how I was trained. I was so young that I couldn’t see how wrong that might have been.

I reached a point where I had to make a choice. In order to survive, I had to sacrifice my humanity. I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I had to sell my soul.

In order to sell my soul, I had to shut you and everyone else out. I couldn’t allow myself to feel too much. I couldn’t allow myself to be sensitive anymore, and that meant I could no longer allow myself to love anyone, feel anyone else’s pain or joy, or feel sorry if I did something wrong.

I had to don this mask that I wear, which is a lie. In order to keep that lie intact, I had to treat others badly. I had to diminish you to prop my false self up. I had to hate you in order to “love” the mask that I show the world, because if I didn’t continually prop myself up by making you feel bad, my mask of lies might fall off and expose the real me, a powerless and vulnerable child which I had to protect at all costs, even if it meant destroying everyone else around me. I am a bully but inside I know I am nothing. I act like I love myself but I really hate myself. I only love the mask I wear. I abuse you to protect that mask.




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'Hear No Evil Speak No Evil' by Shadow Mario on Deviantart For a long time I thought I suffered from The Trifecta of Victimhood (largely brought on by my lifetime of living as prey in a jungle of predatory narcissism): Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and Aspergers Syndrome. Try living with that combination. Never a dull moment, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's still better than being a Narc. [my thoughts on that last remark after my dive down the rabbit hole: HAHAHAHAHA! LMAO! Why the laughter? Because for awhile, from about August 2015 through December I was absolutely convinced I was really a Covert Narcissist. It's very confusing, but thank God I'm not one. My therapist doesn't?t think I do, but Complex PTSD, BPD, and Avoidant PD together can look an awful lot like Covert Narcissism. I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (fall/winter type) and was recently given a new diagnosis of C-PTSD (replacing the BPD).

24 COMMENTS

  1. TY for this heart felt letter. It is spot on.i I am the mom of a now adult N/S. I separated myself from her as I’d want to clear the air, she and I had not seen each other for 6 months. Her husband, 5 children and her, had moved from the house he owned across the street from me. They moved around 45 mins away closer to David’s work. The 5 children are my daughter Emily’s, from her 1st marriage. When I spoke to her on the phone to find out if she cared enough about me to talk about things, she said ” I’m at (child) ball game fuck off” .it’s been 2 years since I’ve seen her or my grandchildren. Her husband divorced her 1 a 1/2 years ago, he has the kids, by their choice and they use his last name and he’s working to adopt them, ages 10-18. He has 2 grown kids. Thank God he has them. But of course she has indoctrinated David and the children with her lthries about me and her adult brother. Theywon’t contact us even tho they all knew us extremely well obviously, even David who was my neighbor for 13 years. She is now engaged to someone, she is pregnant with someone baby. About 2-3 months ago she contacted for the first time in 2 years. It was in the msg part of my phone. It could be almost WORD FOR WORD your letter. Then 2 days ago she somehow robbed me and stole her way on to my public FB page. On her profile page she posted around 25 , 2-3 sentence, large lettered posts totally destroying me, her toxic mom with every filthy word for a woman one might think of, lying about things happened with her growing up about me like marijuana (I told them I did it occasionally, never around them, I’m an adult and I dont lie, not even to my children), course in her post i was a pot head for Gods sake, lies bout borrowing $ from EVERBODY. My boyfriend loaned me some one time. I raised 2 kids from ages 2 and 5 single mom. At any rate I’ve blocked her from my FB page so I won’t feel pain, get my feelers hurt, but most of all miss the child I did see occasionally who loved me even if it was fake. TY now I do know it is real. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for 3 months now and will continue to do so. She’s doing the same to he brother and of course her children, funny tho, she mentioned she’s trying very, very hard not to hurt David. She believes he’s the only man who ever truly loved her. He basically couldn’t live with her craziness and lack of ability to clean a house after messing it up, or kitchen for same reason, leaving it for kids or him while she did crafts. She also didn’t cook dinner. I was not THAT model. They would argue, naturally she was unable to change. She just went along with the divorce, understood everything and tried hard not to hurt him.
    THE END TY

  2. Thank you for this letter, I now know that I was partially correct about the reason why my husband became a narssacist. I know he has no pain tolerance at all (physically or emotionally) and being an empath myself, I felt his pain hence the reason why he choose to marry me coz I feel all his pain for him and additionally enduring the pain that he inflicts on me. I accepted him and fell in love with him coz I saw the child that he tried so hard to protect and locked away from the world. The reason why I chose him coz I wanted to help the little boy but then not knowing that I was being lured deeper and deeper to his cave willingly and by the time, I realize that the cave has caved in and i am stuck in here was too late. I am in
    perpectual darkness, all these years of thinking that I was getting I am getting him to improve but only to receive more relentless abuse. I see it in his eyes sometimes the slight glance that he know what he was, doing to me is wrong but just a blink, all I can see is his hateful and angry stares accompanied by waves of insults, name calling and belittling. I know i should leave but if I leave, there will just be another person that will take my place and to go through what I have been through with him have no words to describe it. I know what lies ahead and what battles that I will face but after reading this letter, somehow gave me hope and bravery to stay and keep fighting. I refuse to lose him over to dark, we are human beings we are not build for being in the dark. So as you said that only God’s good grace can save you, then I know i will be OK coz when my ally is God, I know I have a chance to bring back this kid to light.