There are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup.
The pain and change that happens quickly after a breakup often throws people off balance so that they do things that they might not otherwise do.
And those mistakes can cause huge problems both with your ex and your self-esteem.
Trying not to make them will allow the healing to start sooner so that you can get on with your life and be happy.
What kind of mistakes?
#1 – Seeking closure
One of the biggest mistakes that people make after a breakup is that they seek ‘closure.’
While ‘closure’ can be explained away as a final chance to talk about what happened and leave on good terms, really, closure is really just one more chance to spend time with your soon-to-be-ex and perhaps talk them back into being with you again.
I can promise you that spending even one more moment dwelling on what happened and begging your person to take you back will backfire. If your person has broken up with you and you convince him to take you back, chances are it will all happen all over again, sooner or later. Furthermore, prostrating yourself at the feet of your ex, begging him to give you one more chance, will only damage your self-esteem.
I believe that, if someone breaks up with you, seeking closure is only going to drag out the inevitable. So, rant and cry for a bit but then hold your head high and don’t let him know that you are hurting.
#2 – Extensive snooping
One of the biggest issues with social media is the havoc that it wreaks after break-ups.
In the old days, when a couple parted ways unless the circumstances were unusual, they rarely or never saw each other again. They didn’t know the intimate details of each other’s life as they went on with their own.
Now, unfortunately, everything is different.
When couples break up these days, part of the break-up means blocking or unfollowing each other on social media. And, unfortunately, this often doesn’t happen fast enough.
I have a client who left her boyfriend because he was a mess. They agreed to ‘remain friends’ and kept up their social media accounts. My client still loved her boyfriend, even though she left him, and she found herself drawn to his social media accounts regularly. This wasn’t an issue in the beginning but once he found another girlfriend it became a real problem.
She would waste hours stalking her ex and his new girlfriend on social media – extremely jealous that he seemed to be doing so much better with someone else. Thinking that some other girl had a better version of him made her crazy. Her self-esteem was in the gutter.
And then I reminded her that people only post their best things on social media. They don’t post the fights or the posturing or the doubts. What she was seeing was a curated version of her ex’s relationship. Understanding this allowed her to end her social media connection with him and begin to truly move on.
#3 – Moving on too quickly
Another huge mistake that people make after a breakup is that they move on too fast.
I know that your heart is broken and that you desperately want to pull the pieces back together again and the best way to do that, you think, is to find someone else.
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that people should get back on the horse quickly after a relationship fail but I think that it’s very important to take some time and reflect on what happened. Jumping back into a new relationship before you have done so will mean that you might repeat the same mistakes again.
So, take some time and be alone. It’s important to cry and feel your feelings and process with your girlfriends. Gain some understanding of what happened and make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.