Sometimes the reason why we can’t let go of someone is because deep inside we still hope that things will get better, and everything will go back to the way they were.
Are you trying to make peace with letting go of someone who left you? Have you been working through the end of the relationship but are having a hard time accepting that it is over and moving on?
You are not alone.
The end of a relationship is like a death and learning to accept it can be beyond difficult. All of the hopes and dreams we had for the future have been dashed – how do we recover from that?
Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help you make peace with letting go of someone who left you and move on to a life full of happiness and love.
How To Make Peace With Letting Go Of Someone Who Left You
For many of us, when we are struggling with pain, we tell ourselves to suck it up. Appearing to be sad about the end of the relationship makes us look weak and we don’t want that.
Our friends tell us to move on – that our person wasn’t worthy of us and that we will find someone who will love us someday. So, just move on. You are better off.
I am here to tell you that this attitude, while understandable, isn’t going to help you make peace with letting go of someone who left you. It is important that to process what has happened, you feel the pain.
What do I mean? I mean whatever it is that you need to do to let the pain that you are feeling out of your body. Cry, scream, yell, throw something (not at someone though) – whatever you need to do to feel your feelings and release them. Holding in your emotions will only magnify them.
It’s okay for you to take some time to get past this. To sit on the couch and eat ice cream, to drink a little too much with your friends, to hang out with your family, who loves you best. These things are important. Your heart has had a shock and it will need time to recuperate.
So, take some time, no matter what people say, to let out your emotions and work through and recover from the pain. Doing so will help you move on.
2. Make a list.
One of the reasons that it’s hard for us to get over a break up and move on is because of the tricks that our brains play on us.
After we break up with someone or are broken up with, we no longer have time with our people. We no longer are building up memories, good and bad, but instead are left with memories of things past. And, for some reason, our brains only hold on to the good things, the things about our relationship that made us happy.
Perhaps the memories consist of how things were at the beginning of the time you went to the Bahamas together or the brew fest you attended last fall. Those were all positive parts of your relationship and the ones that you hold onto.
The reality of the relationship might be somewhat different. Perhaps the person they were, in the beginning, is not at all the person they ended up being. Perhaps in the Bahamas, they drank way too much and you spent a lot of time alone. Perhaps they were crabby at the end of the brew fest and you had to leave early. The brain doesn’t remember those things – it only remembers the good ones.
So, I encourage everyone to make a list while they are trying to get past a breakup, a list of all of the things that weren’t good about the relationship. Even if you were broken up with suddenly, I would bet that if you did some soul searching there would be things that were happening that you might have ignored. Write those things down.
Having a list will make a big difference as you work to get over a break up and move on.