How the Narcissist Turns A Trait Against You

Written By:

Written By:

narcissist turns trait against you 1

Narcissists are very unpredictable and the agony of dealing with them is beyond any words can encompass. Here is how a narcissist turns a trait against you.

The chime of my โ€˜phone alerted me to the arrival of a text. There was nothing unusual in that. Scores arrive daily and this rises to beyond a hundred and more when the glorious seduction has commenced of a fresh, prime target. I looked over with half-interest to my โ€˜phone and see a name which attracted a greater level of interest. It is from Jane. An ex. One of the many exes. I stopped what I was doing and reached for my โ€˜phone and opened up the message.

โ€œIt would be 2 years today xโ€

A flame rose inside of me at this sudden provision of fuel. Even better it was unsolicited. Goodness me, would it have been two years? How time flies. The power flowed, generated by this welcome dollop of fuel. Dear Jane, always the one for remembering dates. She sent me a card and a gift to mark 1 month together. She pole-danced for me to commemorate one month since we first had sex (no the pole-dance and the card and gift were on different dates, just in case you were wondering. I am a gentleman after all).

She sent a card to remind me that is was three months since our first kiss, a month since I first stayed overnight at her house, six months since we first set eyes on another. I used to call her the Chronicler for her ability to remember the anniversary of certain key moments in our relationship. At first I was suitable impressed by her memory and power of recall but then I realised that she had assistance. On one particular occasion I was having a good look around her house whilst she was out, opening draws, cupboards and so on in order to learn more about this enticing individual who I had seduced and in the process of this trawl I found a diary.

Related: 7 Troubling Signs Youโ€™re In Love With A Narcissist

At the rear she had a list of key moments in our relationship with the date written next to it. First date, first kiss, first time we had sex, first time pet name was used, first weekend away, first โ€œI love youโ€ and so on. Each milestone, from the trivial to the fundamental had been carefully written in her neat hand-writing (she always wrote with a Mont Blanc fountain pen โ€“ something which I liked until I decided to bend the nib one day after she accused me of forgetting her motherโ€™s birthday. I didnโ€™t forget.

I deliberately did not remember). Each moment, each occasion had been carefully committed to the rear of this diary and beside it the date inserted as well. I was impressed and as I sat reading it, I felt the fuel of her dedication and admiration pouring over me. She was not there to do it but I knew from reading those neat entries just how much we meant to her, just how important I was and the fuel flowed.

I remember sitting on her bed clasping the leather-bound diary and realising that Jane was meeting my expectations and that I had such high hopes for her. The reminders and commemorations kept coming. She never forgot anything. Naturally, the more traditional anniversaries โ€“ birthdays, Christmas and so forth were addressed and not only for me but close friends, family and even Matrinarc.

Related: 12 Weird Things You Might See A Narcissist Do.

Of course this slavish devotion to the recollection of events could not go unused by me. When she fell from grace and her denigration and devaluation began I would always send her a reminder written in black ink (using a superior Mont Blanc fountain pen) on a crisp piece of thick white paper inserted into a stylish small envelope. I would leave these reminders on her pillow, on her car seat, under her windscreen wiper, in her bag, on her laptop and so forth.

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  1 week since I last spoke to you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  2 months since our first argument โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  5 days since I rang you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  A month since we last made love โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  A week since the last silent treatment โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Three months since I took you anywhere

I have no idea if the timing was entirely correct with some of them, it was the effects I was after. Sometimes she would telephone me and question why I had done this. If it was during a silent treatment I said nothing but listened, allowing her strained tones to fuel me. Other times I would just stare at her and then snarl an insult, causing her to jump and her fearful look would naturally provide me with further fuel.

On other occasions she did not manage to contact me but it did not matter becauseย I knew how she would be responding as I used the very thing she liked to engage as an endearing gesture from her to me in our relationship, against her. We like to take the wonderful and then batter it, rust it, twist it and warp it so it resembles something else entirely and this act of defiling is powerful indeed in its effect.

Related: 8 Signs You Are The Victim of an Abusive โ€œHooveringโ€ Narcissist

Soon I accelerated their use at one stage having them delivered through her door on a daily basis.

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  One day since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Two days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Three days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Four days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Five days since I realised I hate you

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Six days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Seven days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Eight days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Nine days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Ten days since I realised I hate you โ€“

โ€“ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  I donโ€™t hate you. I love you โ€“

That last note was a highly effective respite hoover which had her call me straight away and I answered straight away and her sobbed relief poured over me with such potency, marvellous fuel that it was. Once again by using the very tool she deployed in our relationship I was able to bend it and her to my will.

Eventually, she was cast aside, the new prospect of Andrea having come into my sights and dear Jane was removed, not even afforded the courtesy of being a memory. That is until that text message arrived.

Related: 5 Signs of A Spiritual Narcissist

A foolish move on her part to reach out to me in this way but having received the text, I knew that it was inevitable she would have done it and indeed I know that when it is 3 years, 5 years or 10 years she will keep sending these reminders. Her memory had been conditioned this way. Notwithstanding the pain, it will invariably cause her she wanted me to know that she remembered still. The addition of a single โ€˜xโ€™ was the green light which told me that my follow-up hoover (of course there would be one) will succeed and she would respond to it. Dangerous to apply those kisses. She had entered my sphere of influence.

I did not want her back, I was busy with Andrea and that seduction, but this reminder told me that there was fuel just waiting to be collected. All I had to decide was how I was going to go about. There was no need to be malign about it, a benign follow-up hoover would work but in what form and for how long? That was what then occupied my mind as once again I remembered dear Jane and her delicious fuel. So good of her to remind me.

I hope you have understood how a narcissist turns a trait against you.


Written by: HG Tudor
Originally appeared on Narcsite.com and is republished here with permission.

narcissist turns trait against you pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

8 Subtle Signs Youโ€™re Dealing with a Covert Narcissist (And How to Handle Them!)

Subtle Signs of a Covert Narcissist You Need to Know to Save Yourself

You may know how to spot a narcissist, but identifying a covert narcissist can be tricky. Here are some signs of a covert narcissist that you need to look out for!

At first glance, they might seem like the perfect friend or colleague, always willing to help and never asking for much in return. But as you spend more time around them, something starts to feel off. They subtly fish for compliments, often downplay their own achievements, but expect recognition in return.

And when they don’t get the praise they think they deserve, they may act hurt or withdraw but without openly saying it. Well, this person has the signs of a covert narcissist!

Up Next

6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

Up Next

8 Signs of a Petty Person Thatโ€™ll Have You Saying, โ€œWait, Really?โ€

Signs of Petty Person Thatll Have You Saying Wait Really

Do you ever get that feeling that you are the lead actor in a soap opera you didn’t sign up for? Do you think you are dealing with someone who is petty, by any chance?The signs of a petty person arenโ€™t always neon-lit, but once you spot them, youโ€™ll wonder how you missed it.

From holding grudges longer than your Netflix subscription to being the Sherlock Holmes of social media stalking, petty people have a unique way of spicing up life (not always in a good way).

So how do you know youโ€™re dealing with petty people? Letโ€™s break it down and start with trying to understand who is a petty person.

Related:

Up Next

10 Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

So, who exactly is a โ€œvindictive motherโ€? Well, itโ€™s not just a mom whoโ€™s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. Weโ€™re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isnโ€™t your regular parentโ€”she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

Related:

Up Next

Feeling Exhausted? 8 Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Have you ever hung out with someone and have left feeling like you just ran a 5k marathon without moving an inch? If you’re nodding along, this is just one of the many signs of an emotionally draining person.

These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe itโ€™s time to figure out if youโ€™re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

Today, we are going to talk about what is an emotionally draining person, the traits of an emotionally draining person and how to deal with an emotionally draining person.

Let’s start with what is an emotionally draining

Up Next

What Is Narcissistic Injury? 8 Signs And How To Dodge The Drama

What Is Narcissistic Injury? Signs And How To Dodge The Drama

What is a narcissistic injury really? You know that person who flips out over the smallest critique, like you just insulted their entire life? Or maybe they go into full passive-aggressive mode because you dared to disagree with them? Yeah, you mightโ€™ve walked right into a narcissistic minefield. 

When you cause a narcissistic wound, it can feel like navigating a relationship booby trapโ€”one wrong move, and boom! Drama explosion.

But what is really going on here? Why do some people react like their world is ending over a tiny comment?

Letโ€™s dig into the wild world of a narcissistic injury, what causes narcissistic injury, the signs of narcissistic injury and some good old examples of narcissistic injury.  

Letโ€™s start with what is

Up Next

Inside Vulnerable Narcissism: Exploring Traits, Patterns, and Relationship Struggles

Vulnerable Narcissism: Traits, Patterns, and Mental Health

Have you ever been on the other side of vulnerable narcissism? What even is that, and what does it entail? Today we are going to do a deep dive into this world of narcissism and find out what it means to have a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist.

In the world of psychology, the idea of narcissism has caught the attention of experts and therapists. When you hear the word “narcissist,” you might imagine someone who thinks highly of themselves.

But not all narcissism is the same; there are different types. One kind is called vulnerable narcissism. This means feeling insecure and sensitive and thinking you’re better than others.

Related: