8 Levels of Disclosure That’ll Help You Connect With Others

When it comes to interacting and connecting with others, there are 8 levels of disclosure that you should know about. Once you do, you will be able to converse smoothly with anyone and everyone you come across.

In the last post, we talked about how to How To Keep a Conversation Going? The Art Of Listening For Hooks — little tidbits of conversation we can relate to, remind us of something, or make us curious. 

We can take it a step further by offering hooks–revealing a bit of what we think, do, feel, and remember in order to give our conversation partner something to work with.

This can be counterintuitive. Those of us who are introverted, shy, or familiar with social anxiety often keep our lives close to the vest. We don’t talk much about ourselves. It feels like we’re taking up too much room, being annoying, or revealing too much. But then? It’s hard for others to get to know us, and we can end up feeling like a stranger in a strange land, relating a little too close to that song from Dear Evan Hansen.

By contrast, offering bits about your life does more than just extend conversation while waiting for your lasagna to finish its pass through the office microwave. Disclosing what you think, do, feel, and remember magically transforms your life from black and white to Technicolor for the people around you. You become more familiar, relatable, and, of course, likable.  

As a bonus, when you tell someone about your life, they’ll usually tell you about theirs, which is the very foundation of friendship–a sharing of lives.

Related: How to Connect Deeply With Almost Anyone In 10 Seconds Flat

Now, there are different levels of sharing about your life. What you share with your boss will naturally differ from what you share with a friend you’ve known for twenty years, your partner, your Lyft driver, your tennis buddy, or Angela from accounting. I’ve outlined my take on what I call the Eight Levels of Disclosure below.

Here’s a challenge for you: experiment with pushing one level deeper. Pick one, two, or a handful of people in your life and see how it goes. For example, if you usually stay on Level 2 with the office receptionist, try out Level 3. Or if you usually stick to Level 4 when you’re chatting with folks after your line-dancing group, test out Level 5 or even 6. 

Level 8 is reserved for your nearest and dearests, as it should be. And you can be picky about who is lucky enough to get a Level 7 from you.

But how deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level. 

Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return. 

The Eight Levels of Disclosure

Level 1: Greetings: 

“Hi, how are you, fine.” “TGIF!” Everyone keeps walking. 

Level 2: Small Talk: 

An exchange or two about traffic, the weather, or your local sports team.

Level 3: Universally Acceptable Questions: 

  1. “Where’d you get those great shoes?” 
  2. “Anything fun planned this weekend?” 
  3. “Going anywhere this summer?”

Related: The Art of Conversation: 25 Great Conversation Starters

Level 4: Universally Acceptable Non-personal Disclosures:

  1. “Jimmy Fallon was hilarious last night–did you see the bit with Reese Witherspoon?” 
  2. “That new taqueria around the corner is amazing–you have to try the carnitas. Except the guacamole is weird–I think they put yogurt in it.” 
  3. “I saw my ophthalmologist for an appointment this morning and she said she just bought a self-driving car–I didn’t realize those were even on the market yet.”

Level 5: Universally Acceptable Personal Disclosures: 

  1. “I was in a costume store the other day and I had no idea what half the kids’ costumes were. The guy who worked there told me they were Fortnite characters. I feel so old.”
  2. “I took my niece to the aquarium on Saturday and was mesmerized by the penguins. I could have stared at them for an hour.”
  3. “I went to Costco on Sunday afternoon and it was so crazy that when I got home, I had to lie down.”

Level 6: Private Personal Disclosures: 

  1. “I’m having trouble with my 8-year old talking back–I’ve tried everything and I’m not sure what to do next.” 
  2. “I have to give a presentation in twenty minutes and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m gonna go lock myself in a bathroom stall and breathe for a few minutes.”
  3. “Argh, I’m so mad at our boss–listen to what she said to me!”

Related: 50 Questions To Ask Yourself To Know Your Deepest Insecurities

Level 7: Vulnerable Private Personal Disclosures

  1. “I think I need to quit drinking.”
  2. “I thought losing 50 pounds last year would magically solve all my problems, but I still feel lousy.”
  3. “I really like you.”

Level 8: Deepest Disclosures

  1. “I’ve never said this to anyone before, but…”
  2. “I can’t do this anymore.”
  3. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

How deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level. Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return. 

Let me know how it goes! 

Related: How to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest Core Wound

Do you want to conquer social anxiety and want to be your true self? Then, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, would be the best book to read.

Written by Ellen Hendriksen
Originally appeared on Ellen Hendriksen
Republished with permission
Eight Levels of Disclosure Help Extend Conversation Pin
Levels of Disclosure That'll Help You Connect With Others PIN one
Levels of Disclosure That'll Help You Connect With Others pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Last Minute Gifts: 15 Ideas To Wow Them This Holiday Season!

Last Minute Gifts: Ideas To Wow Them This Holiday Season!

Alright, let’s face it – we’ve all been there. It’s the eleventh hour, and suddenly you realize a gift is due.

Don’t worry; we’ve all been there. For specifically this reason we’ve curated a lineup of 15 last minute gifts that are not only awesome but also guaranteed to make you look like a gifting genius!

Last minute gifts can be just as awesome and thoughtful as ones planned for months. But here’s the trick: don’t grab something random that’s not beneficial or exciting.

We’ve sorted through the chaos to bring you 15 gifts that are not just cool and thoughtful but also sure to wow your friends, family or partners. Because even quick gifts

Up Next

10 Nostalgic Old Christmas Movies For A Cozy Binge-Watch

Old Christmas Movies To Warm Your Heart This Winter

Ah! The holiday season is finally here. ‘Tis the season of wearing cozy sweaters, drinking steaming cups of hot chocolate, and watching old Christmas movies that have touched the hearts of generations. Each of these classic family Christmas films is more than just a story on a screen: it is a wonderful time capsule of joy and nostalgia with its own charm.

Each movie is like a snowflake that tells its own story in such a way that appeals to both children and adults. They remind us of the days when the first snow was a wonder, ringing bells and the smell of pine indicated an impending season of happiness, and family gatherings were central to the celebration.

So let’s drink our cocoa, get some popcorn ready, wrap ourselves in blankets as we step into the world of 10 timeless

Up Next

Lights, Camera, Christmas: 10 Must-See New Christmas Movies For Your Family!

Must-See New Christmas Movies For Your Family And Kids!

‘Tis the season for festive flicks, and with the holiday movie extravaganza in full swing, networks like Hallmark, Lifetime, Great American Family, BET+, Netflix, and a myriad of others are unwrapping new christmas movies by the dozen or more!

With over 100 entries this year, the hot cocoa is sure to keep flowing all the way until next year.

From heartwarming tales to animated adventures and even some with a touch of horror, these newcomers are set to add a sprinkle of fresh magic to your seasonal movie marathon. So, grab your favorite blanket, fill up that mug of cocoa, and let’s explore the cinematic wonders that the holiday season has in store for us this year.

New Ch

Up Next

December Holidays: 16 Spectacular Holidays Celebrated In December Around the World

Merry December Holidays Celebrated Around the World

In December, joy, warmth and festivities fill the air. As winter settles in and the year is rounded off, people from different backgrounds gather to celebrate a wide range of festivals. Let’s explore some of the most celebrated and fascinating December holidays from around the world.

16 Merry December Holidays

Want to know about the most heart-warming winter holidays around the world? 

Holidays celebrated in December offer a window into t

Up Next

Are Your Holidays Lacking Sparkle? Try These 12 Amazing Holiday Tips!

Amazing Holiday Tips To Add Sparkle To Your Celebration

After clearing the Thanksgiving dishes and checking our money situation after Black Friday, we realize the holiday season is just getting started! And you have so much left to do!

Getting through the holidays without stress can be hard. But even with all the holiday tasks, we can try to remember to take a deep breath.

To make things less stressful, here are some really good holiday tips. They’re like a guide to help you smoothly go through the Christmas season without too much trouble.

Holiday Tips To Reduce Stress

Take a look at the below holiday tips to have a stress free experience this season:

Up Next

25+ Cozy ‘Hello December Quotes’ To Kickstart Your Winter Days

Hello December Quotes And Sayings For A Happy Month!

As we wave goodbye to November’s crisp air, let’s usher in Winter with open arms and a collection of delightful Hello December quotes and sayings.

Are you ready to embrace the chilly winds, snuggle into cozy sweaters, and dive into the joyous festivities that this month brings? Winter’s magic is here, and we’re all set to enjoy its cold charm.

So, if you you in for a month filled with warmth, holiday cheer, and the simple pleasures that make December so special, you will love these “Welcome December quotes and sayings” thoroughly!

Up Next

35+ Hilarious Black Friday Memes to Capture the Shopping Frenzy!

Funny Black friday Memes To Sum Up Your Shopping Frenzy!

Ah, Black Friday—the one day a year when the phrase “shop ’til you drop” is taken quite literally. And what better way to do that than some funny Black Friday Memes.

As we gear up for the shopping extravaganza of the century, it’s essential to arm ourselves not only with credit cards and shopping lists but also with a hearty sense of humor.

Because let’s face it, surviving Black Friday without a laugh is like trying to find a parking spot at the mall on November 23rd—nearly impossible. That’s why we have brought to you these black friday quotes!