Chasing the Narcissist: Why You Need To Stop

 / 

,
Chasing Narcissist Why You Need Stop

Chasing the narcissist and trying to make them come back in your life with the hopes of them loving you back is only going to end up hurting you more.

Back in our parents’ day, men chased women. Women had the goods, men wanted the goods, so they pursued. That’s just the way it was. Times are very different now, the need to pursue is simply, just, antiquated thinking. “The goods” are a lot more easily acquired and with the simplicity of finding a mate online, you can pick and choose which relationships you want to put your energy into.

A male friend of mine, who is in his mid-30’s, had been chatting with a woman online and they were making plans to meet for the first time. He lived right downtown and she lived in the west end. When he proposed that they meet somewhere in the middle, she quickly replied that if coming to her end was going to be a problem, then they might as well not bother. He responded with, “Ok,” and never contacted her again.

He explained that he’s not interested in a princess, who expects to have everything done for her. He wants someone who’s autonomous and pulls their own weight. As we move closer to equality, this is the new normal and definitely a more progressive way of thinking.

Chasing the Narcissist

Chasing, while in a relationship, is something that needs to become a thing of the past as well. In dysfunctional relationships you often see one partner blowing hot and cold and the other writhing in agony, begging for their return. There needs to be a mental shift, where if someone walks away from you, you not only show them the door, you close it, lock it and throw away the key.

You know you are part of a dysfunctional relationship when the ending of it completely destroys you.

That’s not to say ending a relationship shouldn’t hurt, that you shouldn’t feel a vast array of emotions, but it shouldn’t have you abandoning yourself, contemplating suicide, and acting out in ways that are harmful to your well-being.

Related: How A Narcissist Plays You And How Their Cycle Of Abuse Works

When you chase after someone that has tossed you aside, it’s not empowering and you, along with the other party are not treating you as a person of value. If someone doesn’t value you and behaves in that manner, you should simply not engage with them. Period. It makes absolutely no sense to stick around and try to change someone’s mind about you. If they devalued you once, they’ll do it again. Those who know their worth, simply walk away from people that mistreat them.

The same holds true when you take someone back after they’ve hurt and abandoned you. Some people may not be physically chasing you, but if you’re just so damn grateful that they’ve come back, that you leave the door wide open, no questions asked, you’re in the same boat.

You can’t control whether or not someone leaves you the first time, but if you give them another opportunity, then you’re making a conscious choice and it’s on you.

If you have to convince someone you’re worth it, it’s already over.

When someone has shown you that they don’t care about your suffering, that has to be the line – you can’t go back – you cannot keep forgiving that kind of behavior. Once someone has broken your trust, it’s gone and it will never be the same.

Consider also, the effectiveness of the action of begging someone to return to you. If you’re involved with a Narcissist or a Psychopath, you’re appealing to someone whose ability to feel empathy is either non-existent or severely impaired. You’re looking at them woefully with tears in your eyes, begging them to take away your pain, but they cannot compute what you’re trying to tell them, or what you’re going through.

It’s either in their best interest to stay, or it’s not, nothing else is going to matter, not your feelings, not the morality of it – nothing but their whim at that moment.

When an emotional manipulator does decide to leave a relationship, they usually already have someone else lined up.

They need people to feed off of and your supply, that they’ve grown a tolerance to, cannot compete with what’s shiny, new, and untried. Don’t appeal to your history together, your children, the good times, their sense of decency, nostalgia or anything else that might work on someone with a fully functioning empathy chip. Nothing is more appealing than fresh meat and those new feelings of budding love.

You will lose every time. True, they might run off and realize that the supply you were dishing out was better and they may make a return visit. It’s here that your door must remain closed to them. If they’ve done it once, they’ll do it again, with the full belief that you will always be there, willing to take them back if it doesn’t work out.

Stop chasing the narcissist

A Narcissist knows on a cognitive level that what they’ve done to you is shitty and that you should want nothing to do with them.

When you act like it’s no biggie, it gives them license to continue and tells them that you do not value yourself. That knowledge is incredibly damaging in the wrong hands. Narcissist or not, a person that does not love or respect themselves is just not appealing ever, on any level.

Related: 7 Back-Handed Provocations of The Narcissist

For an emotional manipulator, your pain is fuel for the monster inside of them that always needs to feed. Your anguish for their ego. It’s not a fair trade and one you should never be willing to make.

When someone walks away from you, one time, let that be all the answer you need. Never beg, never chase – just let them go.

Never put more emphasis or importance on a relationship than you do on yourself and your life. Don’t allow a relationship to destroy you. You and all of your parts are so much bigger and more important than a union with someone who is only interested in their own well-being.

If someone does not see your value, don’t try to show them, don’t jump through hoops, don’t try to buy their loyalty or their love with gifts. If it’s not given freely and consistently, it was never yours and it doesn’t exist.


Written by Savannah Grey
Post originally appeared on Esteemology.com
Printed with permission
Chasing the Narcissist
Chasing the Narcissist
Chasing the Narcissist: Why You Need To Stop Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Top 6 Most Notorious Serial Killers In History and Their Psychology Unleashed

Top Most Notorious Serial Killers In History

Some of the most horrifying and notorious murder cases in criminal history are those in which the most notorious serial killers caused irreversible harm to society by their horrific deeds. Motivated by an intricate network of psychological, social, and frequently pathological elements, these infamous persons have perpetrated atrocities that persistently enthral and appal the public.

Every instance sheds light on the dark psychology of serial killers, from Ed Gein’s horrific acts to Ted Bundy’s deliberate and planned killings. Investigating these sinister tales reveals not only the specifics of their heinous deeds but also the patterns and reasons behind them, providing insights into one of the most ghastly aspects of human nature.

6 Most Notorious Serial Killers In History



Up Next

The Role of Childhood Trauma in Serial Killers: A Deep Dive Into 5 Serial Killers and Their Upbringing

Role of Childhood Trauma in Serial Killers: Case Examples

The public’s fascination with the mystery surrounding serial killers has long sparked conjecture regarding the motivations behind people’s horrific behavior. The role of childhood trauma in serial killers has received a lot of attention, despite the fact that the reasons underlying their actions are complex.

In this blog, we explore the childhood experiences in serial killers to gain insight into their terrifying world. We aim to uncover the intricate relationship between pathology and upbringing by delving into the trauma in serial killers and unfavorable conditions that shaped these individuals’ early years.

This will illuminate the shadowy pasts of some of the most infamous murderers in history. Come along with us as we venture into the darkest recesses of the human brain, where the roots of violence are planted.



Up Next

Man vs Bear Debate: What is the Right Choice for Women?

Man vs Bear Debate: Is It Safe To Choose a Bear Over Man?

Even though Leonardo Di Caprio has proven that men can beat a bear in strength and intelligence, let’s not get carried away and remember that a bear can be more powerful than men. You can guess that we are here to discuss why women chose bear in the man vs bear debate.

The real question is, what threatens women more? Getting mauled by a bear and meeting a horrific death or getting violated by a man??

Women are inclined to the second option in the viral Man vs Bear debate.



Up Next

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? 8 Ways Narcissists Can Muddle Your Brain

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? Reasons Why It Happens

Have you ever heard of the term “brain fog”? Brain fog is like a maddening haze that seems to muddle your thoughts, makes you forget what you were saying, and has you searching for your clothes in the trash bin? Well, today we are going to talk about a specific sort of brain fog – brain fog after narcissistic abuse.

Imagine that you have just escaped from a toxic and abusive relationship with a narcissist. You are slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get your life back in order, but somehow you feel like your head is not in the right place. Everything still feels very odd and you still feel very lost.

Even though you are free from the clutches of your narcissistic ex, this bizarre mental fog just won’t lift. Let’s explore how narcissists cause brain fog, and the link between brain fog and narcissistic abuse.



Up Next

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: 20 Warning Signs to Watch For

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: Warning Signs to Watch For

Having a toxic boss can really take a toll on you mentally, and toxic bosses are seriously so horrible. This article is going to help you understand the traits of a toxic boss so that you know which behaviors are not normal and ethical. Read on to know more about the signs of a toxic boss or toxic bosses.

We hear about toxic bosses all the time, but how do you know when a boss is “toxic”? “Toxic” is, of course, a vague descriptor. Are bosses toxic when they throw fits and scream, or only when they break the law?

Or are they toxic when they are immoral or unethical? Are they toxic if they’re nice one day and nasty the next, or just when they make you uncomfortable, nervous, or sick? These are valid questions because these individuals are easy to identify when their behaviors are outrageous; but perhaps less so when their behavior



Up Next

How To Know If Your Mother Hates You: 8 Not-So-Subtle Signs

How To Know If Your Mother Hates You: Not-So-Subtle Signs

Have you ever found yourself wondering if your mother harbors some deep-seated resentment, or even hatred towards you? If you have, then I know that it’s a really tough pill to swallow. How can your mother hate you, and most importantly, how to know if your mother hates you?

Today, we’re diving straight into the realm of family dynamics, exploring the question “why does my mother hate me?”. We will try to understand the signs that give away her true feelings for you, and which may indicate if your mother’s love has taken a dark turn.

Let’s uncover 8 revealing clues that might just help you make sense of the complicated bond you share with your mom. Explore how to know if your mother hates you.



Up Next

How to Recognize and Counter Emotional Blackmail: 8 Techniques and 7 Signs

What Is Emotional Blackmail? Telltale Signs Revealed

Picture this: You’re sitting across from a friend, engrossed in conversation, when suddenly you feel the atmosphere change. Their tone becomes harsh, their eyes seem accusatory, and it feels like you’re trapped in an emotional minefield. Now, that’s what is emotional blackmail.

We’ve all experienced it at some point in our lives, whether it’s a toxic relationship, a manipulative friend, or even within our own families. But what is emotional blackmail exactly, and how to deal with emotional blackmail?

In this article, we are going to take a look into the world of emotional blackmail and try to understand each and every nuance. We will talk about the signs of emotional blackmail, the types of emotional blackmail and how to deal with emotional blackmail.

So, are you ready to do this?