This is a really challenging one, and can often underlie all of the other issues. I think this quote describes it well: “It’s not that the person is refusing to let go of the past, but the past is refusing to let go of the person”. More specifically, the body is refusing to let go of the past. Often this manifests as numbness, emptiness, tightness, aching, or knots. The thing is, those strange sensations are your key home. They are blocking you from experiencing intolerable feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and shame. This has recently been called Complex PTSD, but the spiritual world has written about it for ages as “core wounding”. Basically, it’s an inner belief or feeling stuck in the body that makes you feel separate from unconditional love.
The fact is, you are loved completely as you are, right at this moment. But all of these things block us from experiencing or accepting that love. Without this love, we are lost. There is no meaning or softness or joy or humor. I can tell you-you’re loved, your therapist can say it, a lover can say it, but the part of you who actually needs to hear all of this has been locked away.
And that’s really the core issue with Cluster-B relationships: they bring out all of these love-blocking feelings at once, and we have no idea what the heck just happened.
All we know is that everything feels bad, so we keep focusing on the person who gave them to us, rather than understanding that those feelings live inside of us now, regardless of how they got there. So we keep frantically searching externally, lost in this protective world that keeps us from experiencing the wounds that make us whole.
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Written by Peace
This post originally appeared on Psychopathfree.com
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