Many of them will have you essentially blaming yourself for their cheating and abuse. Long after they have left, their accusations of “you’re crazy” will eat you up from within.
We being to overthink even where it’s not necessary. What if they’re right? No, they’re crazy! But maybe you are too? No, it’s definitely them!
We slip into a new “protector” mode, always analyzing and questioning everything you do. Once again, this is all external focused, when the real wound lives inside. When we are separated from love in a traumatic or extremely abrupt way (cheating, abandonment, replacement), we often internalize a message that we did something to cause that.
Self-doubt keeps us in an endless self-analyzing loop, ensuring that we never “cause” it again, rather than allowing us to be our true selves.
Psychopaths flatter you endlessly during the idealization period, making it easy to define your self-worth based on his/her flattery. Once you’re hooked, they begin to inflate your deepest insecurities and belittle your greatest strengths.By the end of the relationship, you’ll be thinking they’re the only person who could ever love you the way they did. And that’s the point.
When you feel worthless, you become more reliant on the person feeding you scraps. Many survivors become obsessed with trying to prove their worth, taking on perfectionist qualities, doing their best, accomplishing a ton, focusing more on grooming themselves.
To restore one’s injured self-worth one has to view oneself and the circumstances one was in, from an objective perspective.
Always remember, toxic people thrive on other people’s psychological weakness. The more worthless you feel, more satisfied they are.
“It’s not that the person is refusing to let go of the past, but the past is refusing to let go of the person”.
More specifically, the body is refusing to let go of the past.
Often this internal conflicts and psychological damage will manifest as other symptoms like numbness, emptiness, tightness, aching, or knots. The thing is, those strange sensations are your key home. They are blocking you from experiencing intolerable feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and shame. Basically, it’s an inner belief or feeling stuck in the body that makes you feel separate from unconditional love.
The fact is, you are loved completely as you are, right at this moment. But all of these things block us from experiencing or accepting that love. Without this love, we are lost.
And that’s really the core issue in managing a relationship with people with cluster B personality disorders: they bring out all of these love-blocking feelings at once and we fail is realise what is happening with us.
All we understand is that the entire process of undoing hurt is painful so we keep focusing on the person who gave them to us, rather than understanding that those feelings live inside of us now, regardless of how they got there. So we keep frantically searching externally, lost in this protective world that keeps us from experiencing the wounds that make us whole.
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