Toxic Thoughts after breakup
Are you working hard at getting over someone but are you finding that it is very difficult and that the pain just won’t go away? I get it!
There is nothing worse than a broken heart and getting over someone isn’t easy.
Surprisingly, one of the biggest obstacles to getting over someone is our toxic thoughts. The negative tapes that go around and around in our head. These thoughts can stop our broken heart recovery in its tracks.
Toxic thoughts you should avoid after a breakup
Listed below are 5 kinds of toxic thoughts you should avoid after breakup that can sabotage getting over someone
#1 – I am a total loser.
For many of us, when we are left, we can’t help but take it personally, to believe that our person would never have left us if we weren’t such a loser. If we had been better looking or smarter or funnier or anyway other than we were then our person would still love us and we wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Breakups happen for many reasons but usually it’s not because one person is a loser.
People are complicated and, at the beginning, that complication doesn’t matter. What matters is the chemistry, the connection, the attraction. But, once the relationship settles down, they can become complicated.
I have a client who loves his girlfriend deeply but who doesn’t want to break up with her in spite of the fact that they don’t get along at all. They have disagreements about just about everything and some of them are fundamental to their personal beliefs. And yet, when I suggest breaking up, my client shuts me down because he loves her.
Neither one of these people are ‘losers.’ Both of them are people in the world who are trying to meld their lives together but who can’t do so because of basic personality differences.
So, if you are sitting around telling yourself that you are a loser because your person left you, try to realize that you aren’t a loser, that the reasons for the breakup are complicated and as much about your person as about you.
If you don’t believe me, go ask your friends!
#2 – I will never love or be loved again.
One of the biggest reasons that I see people stay with people they shouldn’t stay with is because they are worried if they walk away from this person they will never find someone else to love. That no one will ever love them back.
I am here to tell you that, if you are thinking these thoughts, they are patently untrue. I have never, in all my years of coaching, met someone who hasn’t met someone else after a breakup. (Although I do have one client who has chosen to be single and is happy!)
There is a big wide world out there and there is lots of love to be had. You will never find that love, however, if all of your energy is given to this person who is making you unhappy. Once you put your energy out into the world, you will invite love in and it will find you.
Over the years after my divorce, I used to wonder what the love of my life was doing at that moment. Was he with his kids, skiing, working? I had no idea who he was but I knew that he was out there, living, waiting to find me.
#3 – If we could just go back to the way we were in the beginning.
I hear this from so many of my clients – if we could just go back to the way things were in the beginning we would live happily ever after. I am afraid to say, it’s impossible to go back to the beginning.
As I said above, the beginning of a relationship is a magical time. There is deep personal and chemical attraction, the nights spent talking and the days spent having adventures. The hope that the two of you have a wonderful future together is irresistible.