You Can Move On
Learning how to accept that he doesn’t want you might be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. You love him and, in spite of you knowing that something just isn’t right, you refuse to accept the fact that your relationship might be over.
And I get it. Who wants to let go of someone they love?
Here are 5 ways to do so.
1. Look for red flags.
Ah yes. Red flags. We all hate red flags, don’t we?
Why? Because red flags are those things that we are ignoring in an attempt to save our relationship.
I have a client who was in a relationship with someone who, I believed, always had one foot out the door. He would tell her he was coming over and then he would show up 4 hours late or not at all. When he did come over, he just wanted to have sex. He didn’t ask about her day or take her out on dates.
All of these things she justified some way or another. And none of these things did she tell me about until after they finally broke up, so I knew that she knew that those things were not ok.
Our guys might tell us they want to be with us but it’s important that you look at their actions as well. If you sense that anything is off, pay attention, don’t explain it away.
If you do recognize those red flags, it might just help you accept that he doesn’t want you.
2. Talk to your friends.
Think about that time you were sitting with your friend and she was telling you some god-awful story about a guy she was seeing. The stories were truly horrible and all you could think was ‘Why is she still with this guy. It’s so clear that he is blowing her off?” And when you tried to point it out, she was full of excuses for his behavior.
Well, right now you are that person, the one sitting with a friend, telling the stories. And your friend is the one there, rolling her eyes, telling you to walk away, fast.
LISTEN TO THEM! Most often, our friends have only our best interests in mind and I guarantee that they see things more clearly than you do right now.
We have friends for a reason – helping us see clearly is one of them!
3. Listen to his words.
My client whose boyfriend didn’t show up on time, or ever, was always telling her that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, that he had to work on his sobriety and get his shit together. She believed that if she could just love him enough, take good enough care of him, that he would see that he did want to be with her and they would live happily ever after.
And, while he was always telling her he didn’t want a relationship, he was happy letting her cook him dinner, drive him to work, have sex with him, whatever he needed. And she was happy to do it because she wanted him to love her.
If your guy is letting you do all of these wonderful things for him but is still telling you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, listen to him. I know that he sending you mixed messages but I can promise you that the one about not being in a relationship is the one that is real.
So, listen to him. It might make it easier for you to accept that he doesn’t want you.