5 Awful Gifts A Child Receives From Difficult or Toxic Parents

Beliefs that you develop being raised by a difficult parent

If you were raised by a Hijackal®* parent, deep down, you know you’re not fine. You say you are, but you’re not.

Maybe, you can’t even put your finger on how you know you’re not.

I want to help with that. You may not have all five of these deep-down beliefs about yourself, but I hope this opens you up to the understanding of what an awful gift your Hijackal parent gave you.

Why?

So you can work it through, and replace the mistaken beliefs, and recover fully.

Your brain grows until you are in your mid-twenties. It’s true. But, by then, you are on a path, and you may not even take time to examine what has happened to you.

It’s just what you do, where you’re going, and with whom. You don’t recognize the impact of all that happened while your brain was developing. And, it’s HUGE!

Think about this: What was going in your house before you even had a language?

Who was there? Were they happy you were? Were they annoyed by your presence?

You were busy experiencing life by putting everything in your mouth, exploring everything you could touch, and trying to make those “Giants”–whom you needed to keep you alive–interested and happy.

You smiled, laughed, and made encouraging noises, trying to attract them. That didn’t work. You cried. They responded.

How? Lovingly? Happily? Warmly?

Or, were they giving you the feeling that you were a nuisance, annoying and wasting their precious time?

That all makes a BIG difference in how you feel about yourself now.

(Of course, if you’ve already recognized the need to get help and changed this, you’re recognizing all this with a sigh of relief. Good for you!) Unrecognized, it can ruin your relationships, keep you feeling inadequate, and undermine your success.

 

Think about these five deep, dark, underlying truths about your life today.

They are the awful gifts you unwillingly–and unwittingly–received from a Hijackal parent (or primary caretaker.)

1) You don’t believe anyone can really love you.

Even when they say they do, and they cross rings of fire for you, you are still suspect. That’s because a Hijackal parent left you feeling unlovable, never good enough, and broken down.

Oh, yes, you may have a tough exterior that makes other people think that you walk on water, but, inside, you know that no one will ever really love you. It keeps you from ever having the emotional intimacy you so want.

 

2) You don’t trust anyone.

You want to. You really do. And, so you seem to. But, there is always a nagging question in the back of your mind. Am I making a mistake? Am I wrong?

Even though they seem to be telling me the truth, and their behavior seems to follow, you question it. You also will enter into a relationship and want to trust with all your heart.

And, you do. Until the first moment that there is a glimmer of a question.

“Where is s/he?”

“Did s/he lie to me?”

“Has s/he always lied to me?”

“Am I a fool?”

“I always knew s/he couldn’t really be trusted.”

Those run through your head, right? You don’t want to be wrong.

You want to be wise, so, you’re always wary. That makes it very difficult to actually trust someone.

 

3) You have trouble with intimacy.

Real intimacy, the kind that makes you feel close, relaxed, cherished, known, appreciated, loved and accepted.

Hijackal parent, can I be loved, am I lovable, difficult people, no intimacy, pushed away- it goes along with your inability and unwillingness to trust another person fully.

It’s your vigilant wariness. Children of a Hijackal parent learn early on that they have to be vigilant, maybe even hyper-vigilant.

The Hijackal seemed unpredictable. Would you get the smiling one who thought you walked on water or the harsh one who thinks you’re a nuisance?

It depended on the hour, so you became very good at people-pleasing. Over the years, you turned yourself into both a pretzel and a doormat.

In fact, you may still be doing that in your current relationships. When you have a Hijackal parent, you are trained to do that to survive!

Intimacy requires the ability to trust. That’s hard for you.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhDhttps://www.forrelationshiphelp.com
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD.  When you're ready to say 'No more!' to toxic relationships, unnecessary drama, and poor examples for your children to follow, work with Dr. Shaler directly now  Subscribe to her Tips for Relationships. Listen to her podcasts for valuable insights and strategies to reclaim yourself, and create healthy relationships with yourself and others:Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, and Save Your Sanity: Help for Handling Hijackals.
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