“Maturity is when you stop complaining and making excuses in your life; you realize everything that happens in life is a result of the previous choice you’ve made and start making new choices to change your life.” ― Roy Bennett
I remember this friend I had in my high school who had a very pathetic break-up after she found her guy cheating on her; the other girl he was dating was her best friend. I was close to this friend of mine and gave her a shoulder to cry on.
She would complain about each and everything, not just her ex-boyfriend. In the beginning, I thought she was going through a tough time; hence, the world seemed bitter to her. But months passed by and she didn’t change. She started dating another guy and no matter how much she loved him or how much he loved her, she would keep on complaining to me about her man.
Honestly, I sympathized her for her break-up but not everything in my life was going nicely either. The fact that I didn’t talk about them or complain didn’t mean I was having a great time with my life. But she never understood. Sometimes, the complaints felt bitter. Listening to her, I would feel low myself too. It was soon that I realized that this complaining was getting on my nerves. It was creating negative vibes within me too.
Complaining is not a new trend. People complain. All of us do. All of us have been complaining. Dr. Robin Kowalski, Professor of Psychology at Clemson University points out that at some point of time or the other, everyone complains. This intensity of complaining might vary, it might be very little for some people and it might be big for some other.
People who complain not only nurture negative vibes in them but also spread negative vibes among others too.
According to Dr. Kowalski, there are three types of people who complain.
1. The first type is known as The Venter.
Yes, the ‘Venter’ comes from the word, ‘vent’ which means to express something freely. As the name suggests, this type of complainer is the person who will keep on whining and complain about one thing or the other.
You might have a friend who grumbles about each and everything like the food they serve at your workplace or the defect in the new jeans she bought recently or the shabby weather because of the rain. You try to give her solutions.
Suppose you suggest her another place to have lunch or ask her to bring her lunch from home or go to the supermarket and talk to the seller regarding the jeans or suggest some good things to do while staying back at home in the rain. You will definitely get disappointed when you will find that she is not interested in listening to any of your suggestions.
This is because she is a Venter and her habit is to complain. She is not asking for suggestions. This might sound hard but this is the truth. No matter how good suggestion you give, she won’t listen. She will just need your ear to vent out her emotions. Even if you try to erase this negativity, you will not be allowed to and eventually become a part of the negative environment full of pessimism and dislike for things around.
2. The Second Type Of Complainer, The Sympathy Seekers
The friend I was talking about in this article, in the beginning, is an example of the second type of complainer. They are the Sympathy Seekers. You can meet such people a lot. They will keep on complaining about each and everything and act as if they are victims. They will try to gain your love, care, and affection by seeking sympathy. They will project as is their life is the worst.
They wouldn’t even care to know how you are doing in your life, whether everything is fine at your end or not. They tend to be selfish who always think that they are the ones to suffer. You might get melted by their sob stories but after a point of time, when you have to deal with your own issues, you will start drowning in negativity.