Don’t Be Easy
Another reason why bad boys are so appealing is simple: they’re more of a challenge than a lot of nicer guys. Part of what makes the difference between sexual attraction and platonic friendship is behavior.
A guy with many female friends may well be a good guy with lots to recommend to him, but he’s missing that spark or oomph that catches people’s attention. More often than not, they tend to be agreeable and eager to please… almost too eager in some cases.
In fact, for many men, that eagerness crosses the line from “easy going” to “desperate for approval” and “afraid to rock the boat”.
While there is a lot to be said for somebody that’s easy to get along with, a push-over who over-values the opinions of others is, frankly, not that attractive.
This tends to turn into “no spine whatsoever” with very little warning.
Part of what makes bad boys more appealing is that they feel just a little out of reach. They’re tantalizing in their unavailability – not so out of reach as to be unattainable but far enough to require a little effort on her part.
That hint of effort, the push-pull dynamic makes him that much more interesting. We tend to value the things we have to work for over the things that come to us easily after all.
Of course, as with all other aspects, it’s very easy to go too far. Part of how pick-up artists try to maintain a woman’s interest is through forced scarcity and manipulation.
Negging, for example, is supposed to be part of how they show that they’re no push-over… and in doing so, make her crave his approval.
They may try to inspire feelings of jealousy or competitiveness or use the loss of his attention as a way to try to prompt women to try harder to keep his interest.
Going cold or trying to play to the “she can fix him” narrative are other ways that assholes go from not being easy to being manipulative pricks.
Being just enough of a challenge is appealing because it keeps things interesting. This is important because frankly…
Boredom Kills Attraction
Straight talk: the main reason why nice guys (as opposed to Nice Guys) do poorly with women is that, quite frankly, they’re about as exciting as dry toast.
Every time a guy complains about the woman who said “she wished she could find a nice guy,” it’s because he has missed the unspoken follow-up: “…who doesn’t bore the tits off me.”