5. Unwilling to be a part of your child’s life.
Another type of narcissistic grandmother is a neglectful grandmother. She is always unavailable for babysitting and always reserves it for her favorite ones. The neglectful grandmother doesn’t have time to see your child’s pictures or participate in celebrating their achievements.
The consequences of these actions depend on how often your kids visit their grandmother. In case they see her once or twice a year there can be no major consequence.
6. Your kids don’t tend to bond with her.
A narcissistic grandmother becomes so busy fulfilling her egoistic needs that they overlook the subtle cues of discomfort that the child displays. Some of the signs that your child has zero emotional connection with their grandmother are:
- They don’t look forward to seeing her.
- Avoid spending time with her, especially alone.
- Tend to be sad or upset after seeing her.
- Gets quiet when she enters the room.
- Feels hesitant to approach her.
7. Using guilt trips and manipulation to get what she wants.
When things don’t go her way she tends to rant, pout, complain about things not going her way, create diversions, play the victim, or find other ways to control and manipulate the situation. She is extremely good at playing emotional games and she plays it dirty.
She will attempt to mold them into her perfect little minions who will do whatever she wants. If this continues, your children will grow up to be people pleasers and base their self-esteem on how well they can please other people. Research suggests that children subjected to narcissistic parents or grandparents grow up to be anxious adults.
8. She has no respect for your parental policies.
As a grandmother, she believes that she is in authority. Your parenting rules do not apply to her. She disagrees with you because she wants to be the boss. For instance, if you say no sugar before dinner, she will take your kids to a candy store. If bedtime is at 9 pm, she will keep them up after midnight.
She doesn’t respect your authority because she feels threatened by anyone else’s authority. Due to this she will refuse to follow your parenting rules, style, decisions and interfere with your child’s upbringing.
9. She always has to be right.
In case you criticize or share your concerns related to your child, she will react defensively, play victim, take offense or conveniently forget what you were talking about. In her mind, she is always right and she did nothing wrong with the kids.
10. Using grandchildren to feed her “narcissistic supply”.
Narcissistic supply refers to the constant need for admiration and attention. Children can be easily deceived and manipulated since they are innocent. Children cannot understand deceit and manipulation. She needs to feel superior all the time and who better to feed her ego than children. She constantly needs to feel important and so she will go to great lengths to fulfill this desire, even if they are children.
Even if their grandparents are manipulative, abusive, or controlling, children may still adore them. Hence children are a perfect source of narcissistic supply.
The grandmother will love her grandchildren as long as they adore her. But she will withdraw her attention if they stop being her minions. For a narcissistic grandmother, love and attention are often used for serving herself. She will spend time with her grandchildren when it fulfills her narcissistic needs.
11. Mistreating people in front of your children.
People who are narcissists do not treat people well. They either belittle them or believe that they deserve no appreciation. A narcissistic person always believes that they are better than other people. So they think it’s okay to mistreat others.
For instance, yelling at the delivery boy for not delivering her things on time. This may not be a big deal but children tend to pick up on such behaviors. Hence if your children see their grandmother mistreating other people, they may grow up to believe that it’s okay to mistreat people.