You are probably wondering how narcissists controls you. But who are narcissists and why do they have so much control? Narcissists are people who are self-obsessed and tend to control others for their personal gain. They use certain techniques to control other people, usually people who are codependent. Narcissists also try to make them feel special to gain control.
The narcissistic personality is a psychological condition where an individual requires constant praise, approval, and getting reassurance of being important. They need continuous validation to feel good about themselves. Many people deliberately create scenarios so that they can receive regular attention and importance from other people. They usually target people who are susceptible to their initial charm, unsuspecting to their manipulation, and vulnerable to their exploitation. No matter where they go, they need a constant supply of someone stroking their ego to make them feel amazing. The American Psychological Association found that 9.4 percent of Americans in their 20s had experienced Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point in their life.
They usually feel empty inside and have fragile self-esteem which leads them to resort to other measures to make up for it. It is important to recognize how a narcissist controls you so that you can take control of your life.
Here is a list of methods narcissists use to exercise control over their partners, spouse, or close members. Let’s find out how do narcissists control you and how can you recognize it. They are as follows:
1. Codependent Narcissist Trap
They often find success controlling someone who is usually codependent. Codependent can be defined as someone who feels responsible for other people’s feelings. Codependents’ often find themselves in relationships with narcissits. The narcissist can easily manipulate the shortcomings of the codependent and make them believe that it’s their fault or they have to take responsibility to fix any issues in the relationship. The partner becomes so afraid of the narcissist that they lose their sense of self by believing all the mind games they play. Narcissits and codependents may be extremely warm and charming towards one another. The codependent is often found to fall for a narcissist because they love the attention. On the other hand, the narcissists gain complete control of the relationship when the codependent sacrifices their personal desires or boundaries.
2. Narcissists make you feel special
They go out of their way to make their partner feel special. However, it’s not because they value their partner, it’s only a means to manipulate them. They use romantic manipulation to lure you into their trap. Narcissists control you by displaying extravagant affection at the beginning of the relationship. The ulterior motive is to make their partner helpless and vulnerable. They use it so that they can mould their partner according to their will.
3. Using the guilt trap
They try to gain control over their partner by using shock, awe, and guilt. In the beginning phase, the narcissists attempt to sweep you off your feet. Expect grand romantic gestures, sweet romantic talks, dates at a fancy restaurant. All these are done to woo the partner into their trap. Once the phase of awe is completed, the narcissist moves on to difficult emotions to maintain control. These emotions tend to erupt when the partner has done something to disappoint them. Normal people find such extreme emotions strange and exhausting. Hence they tend to work hard to avoid such emotional outbursts. Guilt trapping is their only way to exercise control. The narcissist will make you feel guilty about the behaviors that they think are signs of disrespect. They never think twice before twisting their partner’s own words against them and making them feel guilty.
They are commonly known as gaslighters which means they are master manipulators. Gaslighting is a form of verbal and psychological abuse used by narcissists to exercise control. They usually use manipulation for self-gain, sometimes for sport. Narcissists control their partner by trying to trick, weaken, or destabilize their partner for their own gains. They usually deny they did something or some said something that you know for a fact that they said or did. They also use denial, accusation, lying or mischief to make you feel guilty. This is done to gain control over the relationship and their partner’s emotions.