11 Manipulative Techniques Narcissists Use To Control You

 / 

,
manipulative narcissists

You are probably wondering how narcissists control you. But who are narcissists and why do they have this obsessive need for controlling people? Narcissists are people who are self-obsessed and like to control others for their personal gain. They use certain techniques to control other people, usually empaths and codependents.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a psychological condition where an individual requires constant praise, approval, and reassurance for feeling important. They need continuous validation to feel good about themselves. Many narcissists deliberately create toxic situations so that they can receive regular attention and importance from other people. They usually target people who are susceptible to their initial charm, unsuspecting to their manipulation, and vulnerable to their exploitation.

No matter where they go, they need a constant supply of narcissistic supply, AKA someone stroking their ego to make them feel good about themselves. The American Psychological Association found that 9.4 percent of Americans in their 20s had experienced Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point in their life.

They usually feel empty inside and have fragile self-esteem which leads them to resort to dubious measures to make up for it. It is important to recognize how a narcissist controls you so that you can stay away from them, and protect yourself.

Here is a list of methods narcissists use to exercise control over their partners, spouse, and other people who are close to them. Let’s find out how narcissists control you and how can you recognize it.

Related: 16 Signs of Insecurity in a Narcissistic Person

11 Techniques Narcissists Use To Control You

1. CodependentNarcissist Trap

They often target people who are codependent. Codependency happens when someone feels responsible for other people’s feelings. Codependents often find themselves in relationships with narcissists. The narcissist can easily manipulate the shortcomings of the codependent and make them believe that it’s their fault or they have to take responsibility to fix any issues in the relationship.

The partner becomes so afraid of the narcissist that they lose their sense of self by believing in all the mind games they play. The codependent is often found to fall for a narcissist because they love the attention they initially get from the latter. On the other hand, the narcissist works towards gaining complete control of the relationship when the codependent starts to sacrifice their personal desires and boundaries, to make the narcissist happy.

2. Making You Feel Special

They go out of their way to make their partner feel special. However, it’s not because they value their partner, rather, it’s only a means to manipulate them more. They use romantic manipulation to lure you into their trap. Narcissists control you by love bombing you at the beginning of the relationship just to make you believe that they are head over heels in love with you.

However, their ulterior motive is to make you helpless and vulnerable once a certain amount of time passes, and they show you their real face. They make you feel special in the beginning so that they can mold their partner according to their will.

3. Using The Guilt Trap

They try to gain control over their partner by using shock, awe, and guilt. In the beginning, the narcissists attempt to sweep you off your feet. Expect grand romantic gestures, sweet romantic talk, dates at a fancy restaurant, and whatnot. All these are done to manipulate you and bait you into their trap. Once the love-bombing phase is completed, the narcissist moves on to difficult emotions to maintain control. These emotions tend to erupt when you have done something to disappoint them.

Normal people find such extreme emotions strange and exhausting. Hence they tend to work hard to avoid such emotional outbursts. Guilt trapping is their only way to exercise control. The narcissist will make you feel guilty about the behaviors that they think are signs of disrespect. They never think twice before twisting your words against them and making you feel guilty.

Related: How A Narcissist Grooms You For Love: 4 Tricks To Watch Out For

4. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of their most favorite weapons because they are master manipulators. Gaslighting is a form of verbal and psychological abuse used by narcissists to exercise control, and they do this by making you question your own sanity and reality. They usually use this form of manipulation for self-gain, and sometimes even for sport.

They usually deny they did something that you know for a fact that they said or did. They also use denial, accusations, lying, and mischief to make you feel crazy and guilty. This is done to gain control over the relationship and your emotions.

gaslighting narcissists

5. Playing Mind Games

For narcissists, relationships are transactional because the goal is to get what they want but with minimal effort, and they know how to play games. One of the ways narcissists control you is by playing manipulative games. So, one minute they will sweep you off your feet with gifts and romantic dates, and the very next moment, they will flip out on you aggressively. The negative moments are carefully covered with positive ones so that you don’t realize that you are being played. 

The most important thing you can do is to not fall prey to their fake and superficial flattery and be cautious about the toxic mind games they try to play with you.

6. Having Only Two Options For You

Narcissists often give their partners only two options. It’s always an “either-or” or a “yes or no”. They view the world in either or terms and expect their partner to follow in their footsteps. They feel a sense of power from this approach because this lets them manipulate you in every way they can; this is a powerful means of trapping you in their mind games and making you do what they want you to do.

7. Trying To Label You

They love assigning negative phrases or attributes to a person’s characteristics or position. They love to humiliate you with harsh words so they can feel like they have the ultimate power to control you. For instance, they may use harsh words like “you are needy” or “you are a pathetic loser” to make you feel like they are in control of you and your feelings.

Narcissists will impose on you all sorts of horrible labels, to break your heart and spirit. They don’t care in the least how you feel, or how they are making you feel, and this can end up taking a heavy toll on your mental and emotional health.

Related: 8 Tricks Narcissists Play To Manipulate Their Victims

8. Empty Promises

Narcissists try to control you by making empty promises they know they won’t keep. They promise to give you something without any plans or intentions of actually giving it to you. For instance, they might promise you that they will change themselves but their actions will never match their words. They might promise you that they will take you on a trip, but that will never happen.

Fake and empty promises are simply a way for them to be in control, and keep you in control. They know that you trust them a lot, and they take advantage of this trust to lie to you to make sure that you are wrapped around their fingers.

9. Ridiculing You All The Time

The narcissist often uses mockery and humiliation to their advantage. They tend to devalue your intentions and feelings by using dismissive remarks, sarcasm, or deprecating humor towards you. They never take you seriously when you try to talk to them about your feelings, especially the painful ones. Whenever you approach them and try to talk to them about how their actions are hurting you, they end up making fun of you and this makes you feel worse.

The sad truth is that they love making you feel like this, and they love seeing you broken and defeated. Seeing others in pain makes them happy because it makes them feel better about themselves.

10. They Think They Know It All

Whether it’s at work, or in a social group, narcissists think they know it all or consider themselves experts at everything. They also tend to be frequent conversationalists as well as interrupters in ongoing conversations. So, even when they are not criticizing someone’s views, they go back to what they were talking about as though what the other person was saying didn’t matter. They think that other people exist to boost their egos.

They will never let anyone else talk about what they want, and will always steer the conversation back to them. If given the chance, a narcissist can talk about themselves all day long, and won’t get exhausted at all.

11. Love Bombing You

Romantic manipulation or love bombing is a narcissist’s secret weapon to control someone. The whole agenda of love bombing is to make you feel as if you are the center of their Universe and the apple of their eye. They will make you feel special and on top of the world, but don’t think any of this is genuine. They do all this just to manipulate you and keep you in their control.

Love bombing includes flattery, compliments, romance, and promises of a beautiful future together. Once they gain your trust they are in control. They shape the relationship in such a way that you become the victim and them, your savior. They could care less about you because all they are want is complete control over you and the relationship.

Related: Narcissistic Leader- The Destructive Lies They Tell Themselves And Others

To conclude, if you are in a relationship and you are not quite sure if you are dating a narcissist, then keep these techniques in mind, and trust your gut. If you feel like something isn’t sitting right, then it probably isn’t. The best way to protect yourself from toxic narcissists is by understanding that real love doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience, time, and effort, and the one who truly loves you will never deliberately hurt you.


Techniques Narcissists Use Control You pin
manipulative narcissists pinop
manipulative narcissists pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

7 Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Have you interacted with someone who promises you the world, but when the time comes to do good on their promise, they leave you high and dry? Chances are you might be dealing with a future faking narcissist.

Future faking narcissists are charming and diabolical at the same time, and are experts at lying through their teeth. They will paint a picture-perfect image of themselves in front of you and will promise you a beautiful future. However, it’s all smokes and mirrors.

In this article, we are going to talk about the signs of future faking narcissists, so that it’s easier for you to understand when someone is genuinely interested in building a future with you and when someone is simply playing you.



Up Next

The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed thei



Up Next

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Obsessive Ex? 4 Tips For Successfully Handling One

Deal With Your Partner's Obsessive Ex: Tips And Tricks

Have you ever had to deal with an obsessive ex? Moreover, have you ever had to deal with your partner’s obsessive and toxic ex? If you have, you already know how disturbing it is to go through this. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to deal with a toxic ex or deal with your partner’s toxic ex.

My friend is happily married to a man who has a child. He is a devoted and loving father who sought full custody of the children; the court denied his petition.

His two children are living with their narcissistic mother who actively alienates the children from their father. His ex was obsessed with him during their short and turbulent relationship. She was deceitful, abusive, controlling, and highly destructive. They hooked up while drunk.



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With Someone Who Thinks They Are Better Than You

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With It

Have you ever met someone who believes they are inherently better than others? Do they constantly exude an air of superiority, belittle others, or dismiss others’ accomplishments? This is a superiority complex in action. What is a superiority complex?

People who exhibit traits of condescension and arrogance are believed to have a superiority complex, a psychological phenomenon that drives such behavior. Let’s explore the superiority complex in psychology, its signs, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with someone with a superiority complex.

What is a Superiority Complex?

A superiority co



Up Next

What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip

What Is A Devouring Mother? Ways To Overcome Toxicity

Do you feel overwhelmed, smothered, or suffocated by all the love and attention your mother gives you? Perhaps you know people who feel trapped in situations where their mother’s love becomes an all-encompassing affair? This phenomenon is referred to as “The Devouring Mother Archetype.” Let’s explore what is a devouring mother and how to deal with the devouring mother archetype.

What is a Devouring Mother?

The Freudian devouring mother describes a controlling, overbearing motherly figure hampering a child’s development and independence. It is marked by possessiveness and narcissism.

As the term is not a literal description, a devouring Mother does not mean a mother who consumes her children ph



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal