By Dee Bernstein

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

For the first half of my life I was a master manipulator, a weaver of grand stories, a long distance runner and avoider of truths and responsibilities, and a victim of the highest order. 

It can be very difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they have a victim mentality; facing this fact means you have to admit you are rather accustomed to feeling self pity, as well as placing blame outside of yourself regularly. These are hard admissions to make, let alone try to understand. Yet every person I’ve met who has made this leap from victim to self-aware has benefited in so many ways, and has ultimately become a happier and more balanced person.

Victims are not born, they are made; it is usually through upbringing that a person becomes a victim. When a person is taught by those around them that they have no power, and learn by example of their parents and care givers that life is unfair and it isn’t their fault, it is simply a matter of transferring those feelings of victimization to young people.

It can be so detrimental to adopt this type of mentality however, as a young person with a victim identity grows into an adult who cannot see much less control their own part in their unhappiness, drama, or life experiences. A lack of accountability will ultimately lead to a dynamic disconnect between rational thinking, and hyper-reactive blame gaming.

Signs of Victim Mentality

  • Feelings of being victimized by others, life being unfair, being treated harshly for unknown reasons.
  • Lack of power to change ones circumstances, even if those changes seem rational to others.
  • Misplaced anger directed towards family or friends who “don’t understand” or “never will!”
  • Feelings of isolation, being misunderstood, alienated, shunned, betrayed by loved ones or the world.
  • Inability to put ones self into a position of accountability for the way ones life is.
 

For the first half of my life I was a master manipulator, a weaver of grand stories, a long distance runner and avoider of truths and responsibilities, and a victim of the highest order. It is my life’s passion to share what I know about awakening to Self-awareness, for one simple reason: I have been, and am, where you are as well. We teach what we’ve learned, and it took me the better part of four decades to truly begin to really grasp what true self-aware accountability truly is.

Now I am still as human as I ever was; however I have learned that through my humanity and often frail understanding of the world, that I can often jump to conclusions, act before thinking, and let my ego get the better of me, so I make it my daily and deepest duty to myself to think, slow down and truly think before speaking or acting, to better understand situations, people, and myself. I examine my part in things, and hold myself responsible for the things I have done and said, witting or unwittingly.