Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Even though it is not possible never to take anything personally or never ever blame others for your life’s situations, yet it is best not to keep that attitude. Don’t consider yourself as the victim of circumstances, as it puts you on a completely wrong track in your life.
In our formative years when our ego begins to take shape we gradually understand what kind of effect control and power over others has over social relationships. Similarly, surrendering your control and power in a relationship actually explains your desire to fall victim to the circumstances.
Why is it that some ego structures choose to play victim? Some of them lack in confidence. They lack the strength to take big decisions in life. Some are afraid of losing control and that is why they allow others to take control so that if something turns out wrong, they are able to put the blame on others. In this manner they are always able to ensure a safe position for themselves.
People who develop this type of mindset prepare themselves for great deal of misery, disappointment and failure. Relinquishing all control and power and placing them in the hands of someone else eventually gives rise to anger and frustration.
As Steve Maraboli said, “How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off yourself defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.” It is important to identify the behavior pattern that is typical of victim mentality. And that can be done by adopting two important things.
First, develop enough strength and use the positive energy to reach the consciousness level that helps you break free of victim mentality. Inner Integrity “When you complain you make yourself the victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it, all else is madness.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
When we fall victim to someone’s behavior or certain situations, we don’t even realize how and when it happened. Our inner integrity lets us identify the situation. Inner integrity is nothing but our true conscience that lets us see things is proper light. It helps us to be honest about our life experience without hiding behind a ‘because’.
For example, we may be used to saying something like: “I am in a bad mood because she didn’t reply to my message” or “I feel sad because you hurt me.”
Most people are at the consciousness level where this reaction feels right. They tend to think the circumstances to be the sole reasons to cause negative emotions. But, when we develop the ability to look at things from different angles that we too are responsible for whatever is happening to us. Things can change if we only try to raise our awareness.
We are still in the state of mind which is not capable of dealing with people, places and situations that trigger negative emotions like sadness, anger, envy, etc. It means that our mind needs healing to overcome these emotions.
If we feel anger, it only means that we attract such circumstances that reveal to us that we bear within our emotional body unhealed anger that requires attention. We can see this only from a higher level of consciousness.
Awareness is the first step to dealing with any emotion that wreaks havoc within us. It’s important to move past these emotions and that would be possible when we stop associating an exterior reason or a cause behind the circumstances that led to them. And when we do that we develop so much strength that these emotions have no power on us, we can deal with them head on.
It is the higher state of one’s self that is empowered. In this state we are thankful for whatever happens as we are healed to the core. Our perspective is expanded and we find ourselves in a loving place.
You then understand the strength of love and realize love is the only weapon man was ever given.
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.” ~ Joseph Joubert
There is also another way of looking at it. We can borrow the example from the spiritual masters like the Dalai Lama, Jesus, Buddha, and others. They showed us that it is possible no to control, manipulate or exert force on others, and still not blame them for anything.