Do you want to know how to get over an ex or someone who dumped you? And get rid of those repeated thoughts of them?
First, let me make a comparison about getting over a breakup. When a person decides to give up a habit like smoking, they initially find it hard to get used to not being able to have this comfort around. The initial period is always the most difficult but as time passes, the person will eventually get used to not smoking and will also feel much better with their newfound lifestyle.
There are reasons why a person finds it difficult at first to give up their habit. One of the reasons may be because everything around them reminds them of their bad habit which they want to give up. It could be:
1. Tea or coffee breaks during work when he or she used to light a cigarette
2. The store he or she used to buy cigarette
3. Friends who they hang around with who are also smokers
1. Identify the anchors preventing you from moving on from your ex.
I made the comparison with quitting a bad habit because it generates the same feeling as what someone suffering from a broken heart is going through.
People suffer because they keep on thinking about the person that dumped them. Right now, there are many things that cause you to think of your ex and it’s this constant remembering of your ex that is one of the reasons why it’s hard for you to move on ….and fall out of love with them.
People, in their mind, naturally develop associations or anchors between two events if those two events happened at the same time. This is also known as classical conditioning. When one association occurs, a person’s memory of the other thing will be immediately triggered.
Just like with our example of someone giving up smoking. They would, at first, find it tough at work during their break because he or she used to have a cigarette during that time. They would have already associated their work breaks with lighting a cigarette. This association would cause him to miss smoking more than he normally would.
It’s the same scenario as relationships and trying to move on from a broken heart. When you go to a place you and your ex used to visit together (like the movie theatre or a park etc), this is what happens:
– You remember him or her
– And all the memories the two of you had together at that place
Your subconscious has already “associated” the place with your ex and this causes you to think of them, causing pain to you.
2. Unwind the associations perpetuating your fixation with your ex.
We need to understand the dynamics of associations in classical conditioning in order to recognize them more clearly, and hence beat them.
Let’s take your favourite song or film from your childhood as an example. The film or song makes you think fondly about your childhood and it makes you happy.
There’s a positive association between the song or film and the memory. However, if you keep on watching the film or listening to the same song over and over more than a hundred times, you would eventually grow tired of it and all the good feelings it has given you would diminish.
So, in other words, you would now be hearing the song but you would no longer be thinking of the fond memories of your childhood (while listening to the song).
Thus, if we experience one association without its matching second association, then the association between the two will die and we will only remember each one on its own merit.
So, in other words, it’s possible for the associations in classical conditioning formed by your subconscious …to be broken.
If you train yourself to stop day-dreaming about your ex when an association occurs, that association will die. I advise that when an association presents itself (such as the park for example where you both used go for a walk together), you should make yourself think about the negative qualities that your ex has.