What Is A Wrong Focus
I explained how we construct the Wrong Focus so you end up concentrating on us rather than yourselves and in turn, this hinders you, prevents you from moving forward, and allows us to keep you where we want you, miserable, confused, and wallowing in emotion. Of the thirty constituent parts of the wrong focus, what are the answers and observations to those questions and comments?
Here are the truths that will enable you to avoid the effect of the Wrong Focus and thus in turn allow you to concentrate on yourself and your own needs.
30 Truths To Avoid The Effect Of The Narcissist’s Wrong Focus
1. You will wonder why we treated you so terribly after we were so wonderful to you.
We did this because you stopped providing us with potent positive fuel. We needed to draw negative fuel from you instead of in order to maintain our existence.
2. You will want to know how we could have just left you like that after everything that you did for us?
With absolute ease. We only think of ourselves. You are just an appliance to us not a person. Someone else has our interest now and we regard them as better than you on every front.
Related: 10 Signs of Narcissistic Supply
3. You will be perplexed as to how we are able to move on to somebody else so soon after being with you, especially since we said that you and I were soulmates and would be together until the end of time?
Those are standard hook-lines (lookout for a forthcoming post on this) which we scatter like confetti in order to seduce them. We rarely mean anything we say to you as we are habitual liars.
4. What are we doing with our new acquisition?
More or less exactly what we did with you. Seducing them and giving them the golden period. We will apply similar techniques to how we charm and mesmerize them as we did with you. Expect us to say the same things, take them to the same places, buy the same gifts and so on, with some occasional changes.
5. How are they better than you?
How long have you got? They are more beautiful, more loving, more intelligent, more successful, more fun, more admiring, more adoring, in fact, whatever you were they are a thousand times better.
The truth is they are not, they may even be less than you, but we do not see that. To us, they are shiny and new and thus amazing.
6. Are we happy with that person now?
We don’t feel happy. We feel engorged by the power that surges through us from the fuel. We tell everyone we are happy though in order to maintain appearances and also in the hope you hear about our huge joy with this person.
7. What has that person got that you haven’t?
To us, the most wonderful and potent positive fuel. In your reality, they are a little different, indeed you would be surprised by just how much in common you would have.
8. She doesn’t even seem like our type so why on earth have we chosen her?
If she pours out positive fuel she is our type. That is all that matters. You are all appliances in our eyes.
Related: 8 Evasion Tactics Narcissists Use To Stop You From Questioning Them
9. You spend your time on “Ex Watch” as you stalk our social media (and that of the new target) to see what we are doing together, what we are saying to one another, and looking for any signs of trouble in this new relationship.
We want you to do this so you will not move on. You will not see any signs of trouble in paradise. Quite the contrary as we pump out the propaganda.
10. You want our new relationship to fail so you feel better and validated because the same thing has happened to the new target as it did to you.
We know you do because that is how hateful and horrible you are and makes us wonder why on earth we ever chose. Don’t worry though, it will eventually falter, they always do.
11. You feel a need to prove that you are happy (even though you are not) and that you need us to know that this is the case.
You consider ways in which you can convey this message to us. Don’t bother. We know you are torn apart and we will just laugh at your attempts to pretend otherwise. We can still sense what is really going on. Instead of appearing happy you would do better to appear neutral and unmoved.
12. You wonder what you could do to win us back.
You really shouldn’t bother but you don’t have to do anything because we will hoover you soon enough.
13. You wonder what mistakes were made that caused the relationship to fall apart.
How long have you got for us to list your litany of transgressions? The fact is that this is the case from our perspective. You did nothing wrong.
14. You begin to imagine what is going on in between those four walls, that you knew so well once upon a time, becoming fixated with considering what is happening.
Everything that happened between you and me. It is actually frightening just how similar it is.
Related: Why Do Narcissists Behave The Way They Do
15. You relive the day you had with us and think about whether we are doing the same things with the new person as we did with you.
Of course, we are.
16. Do you want us to explain why we did what we did?
Not going to happen. We need to keep you hanging on for answers and closure.
17. You try to make sense of what has happened but you cannot.
This does not, however, stop you from running the whole relationship through your head over and over again as you seek to find answers. There is no point in doing this. The answer does not lie there.
18. You sit and ask yourself are we thinking about you?
No, we aren’t. You don’t exist to us until you appear in a sphere of influence and then it is hoover time.
Related: The Ten Types of Victim the Narcissist Hoovers
19. You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.
We don’t miss you at all. We might miss your fuel at some point.
20. Does she kiss us like you did?
Yes not that we care.
21. Do we love her more than we loved you?
We will tell the world and you (and her) that we have never loved anyone like this before. Of course, we have. It is always the same even though it is not love as you understand it.
22. Have we kept the gifts you gave us?
Yes. They will be used to hoover and triangulate.
23. Why have we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
To provoke you and keep the new target happy.
24. Why haven’t we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
To provoke you and keep you hanging on.
25. Why are we saying those things about you to other people?
It’s a smear campaign, get used to it. Everybody gets them. You are nothing special.
Related: 5 Reasons You Should Fear The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign
26. Do we feel bad at the way that we treated you?
No.
27. Why does it feel like no matter what you do we always seem to win?
Because we change the rules to suit us.
28. Will we ever speak to you again?
Oh yes. When it is hoover time.
29. Will our friends and family still acknowledge you after everything that has happened?
No. The smear campaign is in effect. They will when we hoover you though.
30. What if she is “the one”?
Of course, she is. The replacement is always the one (until the next one).
Now you know.
Written by HG Tudor Originally appeared on Narcsite Republished with permission
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