When You Thought You Two Had A Future Together

 / 

When Two Had Future Together

When you thought you two had a happy and bright future together, but that didn’t turn out to be true, and all you were left with were pieces of a broken relationship.

Even more than getting over the love, the time spent together, some of the hardest things to cope with during a breakup is the loss of a future together.

“We talked about marriage, and kids.”

“We spent many times describing our dream home and how many dogs we’d have.”

Yeah, those thoughts and those conversations absolutely contribute to the grieving process. In many cases (I include myself here), it’s harder to deal with this than the actual relationship and time you had.

Alongside hanging onto the future you two painted, there’s another factor that I feel intertwines in all of this, and it’s hanging onto the story of how you two met.

Maybe you two have the same birthday and it’s like what ARE the chances!? It’s got to be a sign, right?

Maybe you two met years ago and reconnected and it feels like fate.

Maybe you both grew up in the same town but met across the coast.

Maybe you two met when you were at work and they were a customer.

Okay, that last one was me with my ex when I worked at the pharmacy.

So, sometimes you’re trying to wrap your head about the future, and also the story of how you guys met.

It swirls in your mind…over and over.

Related: 4 Reasons Why You Should Dump The Guy You Have No Future With

You’ve likely talked about this with your friends at length and they’ve gently tried to nudge you that you can’t hang onto the future or onto the story of how you met.

But, I’m here to tell you that your grieving process is your own, and it’s perfectly normal (and expected in many ways) to grieve the loss of the future.

In this process, you might ask yourself (on repeat), “so why did they say they loved me if they didn’t see a future?”

“Why did they paint those elaborate vacations we had planned if they were never planning on taking me on them?”

Honestly, I can’t answer this for you. What I can say is that asking questions about WTF happened during your relationship is healthy and normal when you’re working through your breakup.

But Nancy, “should I get closure from them?”

“Should I text them my angry messages to let them know how I feel about how they completely fooled me?”

Here’s my response: Listen to your intuition. If that subtle voice is saying, “don’t text, don’t text, DON’T TEXT” but you feel like you can’t control it….

Do this meditation.

When you thought you had a future together, and want to text your ex, do this meditation

It’s amazing what a perfectly-timed meditation can do to stop you from doing something you MAY regret.

But, truthfully, it’s so hard to let go of those future plans you made. What helps me in these moments when I feel like I’m clinging to the “what could have been” is reminding myself of all the times things DIDN’T work out, and how grateful I am because of that.

I think about the job interviews, the first dates, and so many other things like even when I wanted to buy something and it was sold out, only to see I bought something way more suited for me a week later.

It’s only in the future when we can look back and really connect the dots as to way things went the way they did.

When you thought you two had a future together

I know when I was going through my last breakup, I held on for a long time to future-based visions of us, and that was my process. But eventually, through self-compassion and time, I allowed myself to see that there’s a better plan unfolding for me.

Truly, and I can sit here and type this to you because I have been where you are. It feels like you won’t meet someone as great, or you’re never going to stop hurting…but you will if you can just see even just a tiny little bit that this might be part of the plan.

Related: The Painful Side Of Love – When Two People in Love Can Never Be Together

If you’re like “Nancy I want to believe that but today I just feel so hurt I can’t,” then take your time.

There’s no set time to heal from a breakup. It’s your process. Cry it out. Throw a pity-party and stay in bed if you need to (for the 4th day in a row). Take care of yourself the best way you know how.

And then, when you’re feeling a glimpse of hope, consider that you’re exactly where you need to be, and there’s a beautiful plan unfolding for you.

Love,

Nancy

If you have any questions, you can contact Nancy Ruth Deen here.


Written By Nancy Ruth Deen 
Originally Appeared In Hello Breakup
When Two Had Future Together pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Out-of-the-Box Ways To Get Over A Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Unusual Ways To Get Over A Break Up Of The Zodiacs

Sometimes a break up can hit us so hard, that we begin to act like someone we’re not. Everyone gets over heartbreak in their own way — some ways to get over a break up are just different than others.

Breakups can make you do some unimaginable things. Things that, in retrospect, make you question the kind of person you are (and were). So, when you’re ready to laugh at yourself and your past, here are a few unorthodox ways on how to get over a breakup.

Are you ready to know how zodiac signs deal with breakups in an unorthodox fashion? Let’s go!



Up Next

6 Worst Types Of Breakups Hard To Get Over: Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Worst Types Of Breakups: The Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Welcome to the land of breakups, where we put a magnifying glass on the most chaotic and worst types of breakups that can make even the strongest hearts feel a whole lotta pain. Being in love is a beautiful experience, isn’t it? However, there’s always a risk of things not working out, but that’s the risk you take when you fall for someone, right?

Breakups are never pleasant, and they always hurt. But, but, but. There’re 6 types of painful breakups that just knock the wind out of you, and these are probably the worst types of breakups, in my humble opinion.

In this article, we will look at some of the worst t



Up Next

3 Ways That Grudge Dumping Destroys Relationships

Ways That Grudge Dumping Destroys Relationships

Dealing with frustration in a relationship is sometimes a very normal thing to experience. But some people let their frustration get the better of themselves, and end up grudge dumping their partner. This article is going to talk about experiencing frustration in relationships, and how grudge dumping destroys relationships.

KEY POINTS

Frustration is a natural part of any intimate relationship; grudge dumping isn’t.

Pent-up frustration can lead to temper tantrums, explosive arguments, and words designed to produce maximum hurt.

Healthy ways to process frustration in a relationship includ



Up Next

Feeling Alone In The Season of Togetherness? 5 Tips To Cope With Loneliness On Holidays

Feeling Loneliness On Holidays? Tips To Brighten Your Days

Winter celebrations like Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa are all about having fun with friends and family. But sometimes, even with all the happiness around, you might get the feeling of loneliness on holidays.

If you’re dealing with bouts of loneliness, it’s important to know that you’re not the only one, and there are ways to deal with it. Dealing with long-lasting loneliness might need some special help. But there are also simple things you can do when you’re feeling lonely during the holidays.

This guide is here to help you understand and handle holiday loneliness. We’ll give you easy tips to feel better and enjoy the festive season more. Let’s beat those holiday blues together with simple steps and support. Happy holidays!



Up Next

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Exploring The Complexities of Post-Breakup Relationships

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Expert Tips To Consider

Breaking up with someone you once loved and cared deeply for is never easy. It often leaves us feeling confused, hurt, and uncertain about the future. In the aftermath of a breakup, one question that frequently arises is, “Can you be friends with your ex?” 

It’s a topic that sparks curiosity, debate, and even skepticism. Let’s explore the complexities of maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner, examining both the potential benefits and challenges that come with this unique dynamic.

Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?

The short answer is yes! It’s possible to be friends with your



Up Next

4 Zodiac Signs Who Fall Out Of Love In October 2023

Zodiac Signs Who Fall Out Of Love And Breakup In October

October is often associated with positivity and good fortune, it can also be a month of endings and heartbreak. Here are 4 zodiac signs who fall out of love this month!

But remember, sometimes you have to go through the dark to appreciate the light that’s on the horizon.

This October, zodiac signs that fall out of love easily will have to face the end of their relationships, and interestingly, they may have sensed it coming. Astrologically speaking, October is marked by significant planetary movements that affect our love lives, including the influence of Lilith, known for its disruptive impact.



Up Next

Unpacking Parentification Trauma: The Burden of Growing Up Too Soon

What Is Parentification Trauma? Seven Types, Effects and Healing

The excitement of childhood is beautiful, when your biggest worry was whether your favorite cartoon was on TV. Some kids don’t have a childhood as carefree. Parentification trauma becomes a real issue when a child is thrust into the shoes of a grown-up.

The child takes on responsibilities beyond their years. It’s like playing a role in a movie you didn’t audition for. This is the reality for those who’ve experienced the issue – a lesser-known yet impactful challenge that shapes lives in unexpected ways.

What is Parentification Trauma?

It might be your question, though–what is parentification trauma? The trauma occurs when a child is placed in a role that reverses their expected position within the family dynamic.