The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist

 January 13, 2016

The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist

The more dominating the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status. And soon enough, this domination and power play will be projected on the empath, while the empath imbibes in this poisonous projection into themselves. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl.

When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play along and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. This cruel, inhuman treatment of power play will make the empaths feel more vulnerable and pathetic about their situation.

On such an instant, an empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation and acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help as such will affirm to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy. A bitter battle is sure to ensue.

As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction of their lives, they become preoccupied with themselves and fail to see the source of it all. Instead of looking for external causes and seeking the truth, the empath will turn everything inward and engage in constant self-blame.

Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist will be futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone else. As soon as the narcissist discovers the needs of the empath, which is care and nurturance, the narcissist will immediately start being indifferent and aloof to the needs of the empath. The narcissist has numerous techniques to wield their powers on others, specially one who can’t protect themselves.

An empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship by this stage and will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy and it can be easy to blame all of their destruction onto the narcissist.

An empath can either choose to keep on being the victim to this emotional abuse, or garner the courage to move out of it. But this is naturally a very difficult task for an empath who eternally seeks for attachment.

Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they were attracted to.

How we allow others to treat us is our choice. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are choosing what they believe they deserve. An empath cannot let their self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognize that they deserve much better than what is being afflicted on them.

All an empath looks for is a caring and understanding partner and not a constant battle of ego,torment and pain. This realization is the most crucial part in the process of getting out of the death trap of a narcissists victim status.

We are not here to fix anyone. We cannot fix anyone. Everyone is responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they so choose to.

The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway, it is never too late to seek help, seek understanding and knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognize our own strengths and capabilities, find out ways to respectably walk out of such an abusive relationship.

201 comments on “The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist

  1. I to am an empath and have had several narcissistic relationships and thanks to your article I now realize that your right about not being able to fix anyone. I use to get into relationships so that i could fix people and I have learned this simply isn’t possible. Just wanted to say thank you very much for your insight.

  2. An empath myself, and a counselor, I’ve had to let go of a couple of narcissistic friends. Ian made some good points, above, re: the defining characteristics of a narcissist, and I would tend to agree with his observations, although not having met your narcissist, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. It does seem possible that your initial perception of that person as “loving and attentive” could have been projection on your part and/or he was very good at faking it to get what he wanted; otherwise, NOT a narcissist. Be that as it may –

    With narcissists, the key feature is that EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THEM – always! In good times, they are the star of the show and the life of the party. In bad times, they are the poor defenseless victim desperately in need of your help. And God forbid YOU should ever be a star and/or need help, because how dare you take the spotlight away from them?!

    I had a friend who, in public, was the life of the party and fun to be with at karaoke, laughing, dancing, having a ball. She was always the center of attention (good or bad) and often accused of being “a drama queen.” As her friend, I stood up for her against these accusations. But in private, she would call me all hours of the day or night supposedly seeking my “advice,” including medical, which was my field at the time, about the latest drama affecting her and her family. She and her kids were in the ER so often that I said her family ought to get Frequent Flyer Miles or something. But, although she allegedly wanted my “advice,” she always ignored my recommendations, preferring the advice of high school dropout Billy Bob or whomever she happened to be sucking up to at that moment.

    Another friend, who presented as the sweetest, kindest, gentlest lady you would ever want to meet, came to me for counseling and spiritual help. Her estranged husband was a monster who had abused her physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually in all kinds of horrible ways and nobody believed her. The law had sided with him, saying she was crazy. But for some reason she couldn’t let go of him emotionally. I had never met him and couldn’t verify her story but regardless, worked with her on letting go, getting herself free, healing, and following through on the legal process. I even smudged her condo and banished demons which she was sure he’d left there to curse her. Like my other friend, she called at all hours and stayed on the line for hours, suicidal, when I told her I had to work or sleep.

    Then it happened – I had the worst year of my life. My mom had died and my new stepmom was diagnosed w/ terminal cancer. Meanwhile, the trailer I was living in had roof and floor leaks, black mold, a very lively rat infestation, a flood and a fire. It was the rainiest summer on record for our area and my entire property was underwater, and sinkholes were opening up, one just 20 feet from the trailer. I have a preexisting immune dysfunction and my health deteriorated horribly due to the black mold. Also I lost my job. I posted my experience on Facebook and here’s how my narcissistic “friends” responded:

    Friend A, the Life of the Party, said “Quit whining! All this bad stuff is happening to you because God is punishing you for being such a negative person and not having enough faith!” Friend B, the kind, gentle victim, said, “You have brought this on yourself by being negative. I CHOOSE to be happy! and I LOVE the rain!” I prayed for both of them and let them go.

    That’s the thing about relationships with narcissists: You can be there for that person for years, through thick and thin, but when your life takes a turn for the worse and now YOU need support – forget it! Not only will they NOT help you, they will stab you in the back for having the audacity to have any drama in YOUR life that may detract from all the attention being on them.

  3. To the author:

    You have some value to what you have to say about relationships and it’s inner workings but you obviously don’t have a clue what a narcissist is….

    “Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they were attracted to.”

    Loving, attentive and charismatic is not and are never qualities of a narcissist. They are not wounded! They are generally very pig headed and rarely act the victim. They go blindly into life with little to no true care for others. They play life like a game and all the “love” they give is really only to benefit themselves in some way.

    If an empath goes into a relationship with a narcissist. It tends to be seen more as; the empath struggling to get the narcissist’s attention, while the narcissist blindly goes on in life never really being able to understand why the empath feels so clingy.

    I think the type of people you are talking about are empaths just like yourself. But as you said they were hurt in some way and they have stopped reaching out and feeling the emotions of the people around them. People who are looking to fill a void are not shallow! They are running on instinct and anxiety lots and lots of anxiety or depression. It may be so bad that they destroy everyone and everything around them but THEY ARE NOT A F***KING NARCISSIST!! If you were one of these people you would know there was a time before everything went so sour. You would know what the need to take from people in the way you are talking about is because you feel way too much empathy and feelings that you just shut down your inner core until you feel as hollow as whatever destroyed your happiness in the first place.

    I’d really like to hear a reply

  4. So you’re saying that empath could blame everyone who is not as sensitive as him to be a narcissist or sociopath?Because just maybe you’re overreacting and let’s blame everyone who doesn’t answer to your love the way you want to be a bad person…that’s stupid!

    • Martina – you might be a narcissist if . . .
      1) you think someone is overreacting to manipulative behavior
      2) you are projecting your bad behavior onto someone else, as if they are the problem
      3) call the other person names and insist they are wrong in calling out your bad behavior

      I can clearly see why you think this is “stupid”.

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