The Ties That Bind You To A Narcissist

 / 

,
the ties that bind you to a narcissist

It’s often easier for other people to recognize the signs of toxic relationship but many times you are also aware of the tactics of this game. Still why can’t you move out? In spite of the hell they put you through? You know as the bonding deepens, the manipulations will also deepen. Again, the ties that bind you to a narcissist are so strong that you can’t move out from the trap of the cycle of abuse.

One of our central aims, when we have targeted you, is to bind you to us. During our seduction, we create this magical place and invite you and only you to inhabit it with us.

How Do We Create Ties That Bind You To Us

We build a fantastic place and place you on a pedestal in the center of this artifice. It is very difficult for you to realize this is a fallacy and even harder to do something about it.

Every day, every hour that you remain close to our influence allows us to create more ties, more connections and increases the extent that you are bound to us. We make you feel fabulous, worshipped, and loved. The dizzying, whirlwind nature of our passion is unlike anything else you have known and you readily accept it. It is of course not informed consent.

You have no idea what we are, but nevertheless, you accept all of this wonderful treatment. You allow us to permeate every aspect of your life. We draw you into ours and make you feel special and privileged for being allowed to do so. Consider how we penetrated your every network so everywhere you turned we were there.

We knew all your friends, we ingratiated ourselves with your family and got to meet your colleagues. We knew all the places you liked to go to and introduced you to some additional ones. We made sure we knew every favorite thing of yours, from books to plays to food.

The ties that bind you with a narcissist
The Ties That Bind You With A Narcissist

Your wine rack became stocked with the types of wine you preferred, you wear the jewelry that was bought for you after careful solicitation of what you deem pretty, and I occasionally arrive bearing a new book from the stable of authors that you enjoy reading.

Bit by bit I invade your life and as our relationship progresses at light speed, the gradual, creeping advance of my influence has actually gained more than a toehold. It has spread across your territory like some formidable weed that cannot be held back, covering and smothering.

Related: 5 Emotional Manipulation Tactics Covert Narcissists Use To Trap You In A Relationship

My clothes hang in the wardrobe, I have my favorite chair at your house, you now buy the cereal that I prefer to eat in the morning even though you think it is just a mouthful of sugar.

You now wash my socks, my songs populate the iTunes playlist and the bathroom is testament to my occupation with the bottles, razors, and accouterments mingled amongst yours. You cannot fail to see my influence all around you, but you welcome this and from it, you gain great happiness.

From dating to staying over to co-habiting and on to marriage, this inexorable march of sudden and frantic seduction, although this is only ever apparent with hindsight as at the time it was the right thing to do, results in our lives entwining as I wrap my tendrils around your life and drag you tight against me. So many links, connections, lines, and ties between you and me.

These ties keep you in place despite the abuse that is to come. It is sudden and bewildering but you will not give up easily. Not only did you say those vows, you meant every word and we know this.

Related: How Abusive Relationships Trap us Into Not Leaving

You will not let what we have built up crumble to dust. Admirable as your fortitude may be, you may as well stand on a beach and command the tide to halt its own unceasing advance for all the good you will do. This will not stop you from trying though. We know this.

The ties are many and they are tight so you will not run for cover at the first administration of silent treatment. You will not down tools and walk away when the shouting continues long into the night. You do not pack a bag and leave it in the hallway, sitting on the stairs as you wait for us to return, late at night, from whatever tryst we have been engaged in.

You keep going, bound to the hope that everything will be good once more, that the golden period will return. You hang in there, you battle, you demonstrate misguided resolve as we lash out time and time again, drawing the negative fuel from your distress, dismay, and disarray. You will not let go.

The connections are too many. Our behavior is reprehensible as we open upfront after front after front against you, leaving you confused and crushed. We twist, blame, push and pull yet you will not waiver. No matter how many times we knock you to the floor you keep coming back for more, dragged back onto your feet by the ties that bind you to us.

Related: How Sharing Your Concerns Makes You Vulnerable To A Narcissist

The Ties Remain

Then one day you remove yourself from our toxic influence or in some instances you are removed. Those ties remain but there is an elasticity that allows you to escape us. To be taken away from the acidic words and vicious schemes. The insults, the violent rages, the isolation, and the denigration may have been halted.

You may no longer be subjected to being spat at, your hair pulled, your money withheld, your social interactions curtailed and your self-esteem trampled underfoot. You may have escaped the daily devaluations which came at you in so many different and unedifying ways but your ordeal is far from over.

You may not have our furious face shouting into yours anymore. You may not be sitting cowering behind a locked bathroom door as we pound on it demanding you come out. You may not lie crying in a bed made to feel empty by our absence.

You may not stand outside the study seeing the glow of the monitor within, under the door, and wonder who we are engaging with online, that knotted sensation in your stomach inducing sickness. You may have escaped many of these manipulations but the ties that bind remain.

The bond we have created with you is so strong, so deep and so far-reaching that every day you will feel a vast void at being parted from us. You will excuse the abuse as you hanker for those golden days. You will feel like something has been ripped from you by our absence.

Even though you know how terrible we have acted towards you, you will still suffer that sense of illogical loss. Every day feels empty. You wonder what we are doing, who we are with, and whether we are thinking about you. You see our presence all around you still, people still ask about us, you collapse onto your bed burying your face in that t-shirt we kept under our pillow and you still smell us on it.

Related: How Flatterers Manipulate and Control in Relationships

You drink deep of the scent, hoping the nagging pain will recede, that somehow you will be magically restored to where we once both were when we were happy. Your run your fingers over the tub of hair wax that we left and you remember watching us as we carefully applied it.

You cannot bring yourself to discard it, clinging on to these reminders of the joy that once abounded in these walls. You pass the bookcase, touching the spines of the volumes we bought for you, the words and letters all further reminders of our presence here in this house. You miss us so much, you shouldn’t do, not after what we have done.

Not after the vile treatments, you have suffered. It makes no sense that you should feel this way but you do. You ache for us, the ties that remain are still being pulled and yanked, even though we are not there with you. The searing pain rises as another reminder appears, the tie still strong.

Unlike an umbilical cord that provides life, your cord to us continues to pain you. When will this end? When will this agony recede and be replaced by something else? Would it now not even be better to feel nothing? To be numbed and anesthetized so you do not have to endure this ongoing pain.

The bond we create with you is so powerful, so deep and so long-lasting that it is often the aftermath of the ties that bind that hurts more than the abuse itself. That is how dangerous we are.

Written By: HG Tudor
Originally Appeared On: Narcsite.com
Republished with permission.
Ties Bind You Narcissist pin
The Ties That Bind You To A Narcissist
Ties that Bind You Narcissist
The Ties That Bind You To A Narcissist
the ties that bind you to a narcissist pin
The Ties That Bind You To A Narcissist

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? Let’s Settle The Debate Once And For All

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? Important Things To Know

Are narcissists born or made? Delve into the age-old debate as we explore whether nature or nurture shapes this complex personality trait. Uncover the secrets behind pathological narcissism!

Narcissists can be hard to empathize with, but research on inherited narcissism shows they didn’t choose to be that way; they bear scars from childhood.

Traditionally, childrearing, particularly by the mother, was considered the cause of narcissism. In recent years, more research and twin studies have also looked at genetic factors.



Up Next

8 Major Reasons You’re Attracted to Narcissists and How to Break the Cycle

Attracted to Narcissists? Here Are Revealing Reasons Why

How many time have you found yourself irresistibly drawn to someone who seemed perfect at first but turned out to be a self-absorbed narcissist? Well, you’re not alone. There are a surprising number of us who keep getting pulled into the orbit of these charismatic, but toxic individuals. But why are we attracted to narcissists?

Whether it’s their initial charm, their confidence, or something deeper within you, the reasons you are attracted to narcissists are as fascinating, as they are frustrating.

Today, we are going to answer the age-old question “why do I attract narcissists?”, find out more about why this keeps on happening and also talk about how to stop attracting narcissists.

Rela



Up Next

How To Leave A Narcissist Partner Behind

How To Leave A Narcissistic Partner And Alarming Things To Expect

Thinking about how to leave a narcissistic partner with your sanity intact? It’s tough, but reclaiming your happiness is worth every step.

Dealing with a narcissist is difficult as it is, and leaving even more so. The thing with narcissists is they depend on their supply — the people they emotionally, financially, and psychologically exploit. They need someone to abuse and manipulate to fulfill their needs and to constantly prove to themselves they are better than everyone else.

Hence, being in a narcissistic relationship can be incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing. Therefore, it becomes imperative to figure out how to leave a narcissistic partner.

How To Leave A Narcissistic Partner?

<



Up Next

Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Have you ever heard of the term “flying monkeys” or “flying monkeys of the narcissist”? Who are they and what do they do exactly? This article is going to explore everything about who flying monkeys are and what role they play in narcissistic abuse.

‘Flying Monkey’ is the term given to those agents and allies that collude with an abusive person. Their role is to continue carrying out tormenting the victim on their behalf.

If it’s during the relationship, the abuser gets to abuse by proxy as it’s other people that are getting their hands dirty.

If it’s after the relationship has ended or you’ve left that job or left that area, it’s a way of perpetuating the abuse. Again though, the abusers hands are clean as others are doing the work for them.

<



Up Next

4 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Leader

Warning Signs Of A Toxic Leader

Have you ever worked with a toxic boss or toxic leader? If you have, then you know how horrible and malicious they really are, and if you haven’t, then read on to know the signs of a toxic leader so that it’s easier for you to understand what you are dealing with.

KEY POINTS

Poor, toxic leaders demand unquestioning loyalty and service to the leader.

Bad leaders rule by a sense of fear, both of outsiders and of the leader’s wrath.

Good leadership empowers followers, shows concern for them, and benefits the collective.

All too often, people fall prey to self-serving



Up Next

Do you often feel Defenseless and Defeated? 7 Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship

Am I In A narcissistic relationship? signs that confirms!

Do you constantly try to make sense of things that do not make sense? We know how exhausting that might be, constantly running in a loop with no ends not only drains you emotionally but also has serious effects on your physical and mental health.

If you can relate to the first sentence, you might have ended up with a narcissist, that is, someone having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This article discusses the 7 undeniable signs of being in a narcissistic relationship.

7 Ways a Victim Behaves in a Narcissistic Relationship



Up Next

Are Narcissists Delusional? 7 Signs Of A Delusional Narcissist

Are Narcissists Delusional? Signs Of Delusional Narcissists

Are narcissists delusional? It’s a question that has intrigued and confused many people out there. You must have come across certain people who seem to be a bit too obsessed with themselves, and who are always seeking admiration and validation from others. But what lies beneath this self-absorbed façade?

Are these people simply self-centered beings, or is there something lurking beneath the surface? Today, we are going to take a deep dive into the world of the delusional narcissist, and discuss seven glaring signs of a delusional narcissist.

So, are you ready to have your mind blown as we explore the darker side of narcissism and the tangled path it leads down? First let’s talk a bit about whether narcissists are delusional or not.