The Masculinity Myth: Why Men Need To Accept Their Femininity


The Masculinity Myth: Why Men Need To Accept Their Femininity

A man is more empowered in his masculinity when he cultivates his feminine.

“Masculine pride is an exceedingly precious and fragile thing.” – Loretta Chase

The Feminine In The Masculine

“The feminine in a man?” A big burly man says. His massive biceps dwarf his muscle shirt, as he lifts at the gym. “Ha, you got to be kidding me. Next thing you know, you’ll be asking me to be join the knitting club.”

“That manly man ain’t so manly,” another man says, “if he’s afraid of his heart.”

Ok, you guys, break it up. Let’s talk here. The feminine in the masculine. What’s that mean?

Most guys say, I don’t know. Yet, guys who have done some work on themselves say, it’s being in touch with your emotions. True, and there’s more.

Fear, anger, sadness, joy. Those are the basics. Not so easy for a man to access.

“What are you feeling?” I ask Jason, my client.

“Well, I’m frustrated. My wife is insisting that we go to her parents for Christmas. She knows I always feel picked on by her mother. I don’t want to go and…”

“Jason, what are you feeling?” I say. He looks at me, annoyed. “Frustrated is not a feeling. It’s a state of being. What is the emotion behind the frustration?”

He takes a breath and continues. “It’s just, I don’t want the holidays to be a shitshow, like they were last year. Why’s she asking me….?”

He’s back in his head.

A man who can’t access basic feelings is stuck in a compromised state. He can only be so strong as a man. He can only be so strong in his masculine.

“It is not what he has, or even what he does which expresses the worth of a man, but what he is.” – Henri-Frederic Amiel

Any man who stays in this place for too long will notice that most of his relationships are compromised – with his partner, his kids, his parents, siblings, etc.

He is often told by his partner that he’s emotionally absent.

Told that he’s not enough. And as a result, he feels diminished in his masculinity — his ability to be strong, capable, and directed.

The paradox is this.

A man is more empowered in his masculinity when he cultivates his feminine.

And that begins with his ability to feel his emotions. When he can’t feel his emotions, they come out sideways in…

…and self-destruction (drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc).

The statistics are staggering.

In response to the emotionally sideways man, most women leave. Yes, 70% of divorces today are initiated by women. And it’s as high as 90% for college-educated women.

Dudes, it’s a new world. Women aren’t taking our shit anymore.

Today, the relationship is the super-currency to happiness. Your marriage or partnership is an external manifestation of the currency you traffic in. And the backer is your relationship with yourself.

Your ability to work with your hooks and triggers.
To feel your emotions.
To bring your masculine to the feminine.
And ultimately, to own, master, and be self-responsible with your emotions.

Read What are Your Divine Feminine and Masculine Creative Energies?

Until you do so, you will naively believe all your emotions, especially if you can’t feel them. And they will run you from the unconscious. You can’t master what you can’t see.

The new male warrior of the world is the relational master. Relationships dictate everything – his work, his friends, his family.

The relational master partners with a woman who is his equal. He has his tribe of allies. And he does business with those who can meet him at his level.

His self-relationship is his compass for all his relationships. He ascribes to the old age truism, inscribed on the Delphi Temple millennia ago – Know Thyself. Today his greatest challenge and most critical endeavor is … Know Thy Heart.

Yet the climb to such mastery is steep.

Ken Wilber, integral theory pioneer and acclaimed philosopher said, a man has been trained, for thousands of years, in two instincts – F*ck it or Kill it. For a woman, it was one instinct – Relate to it.

And so it is men… we’re on a massive evolutionary uphill climb today. Only in the last 50 years have we been asked for more than two instincts. And that more is this — to be relational, which starts with knowing what you feel.

But to add insult to injury, we have to do this uphill climb in The Man Box, and no less daunting, with an empowered post-feminist woman.

Observe Exhibit A: The Man Box.

An emotional box that a male is caged into as a boy, often as early as age 3, restricting the range of acceptable emotions he’s allowed to access. (For more on the Man Box, check out “The Mask You Live In”.)

In this construct, only one emotion is allowed – Anger. Not permitted are fear, sadness, and joy. This wreaks havoc on a boy, positioning him to grow up and be in few healthy, empowered adult relationships.

“God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.” – Farrah Fawcett

Men, let’s get real, this is warrior work; to do it, we must look at the dark places within ourselves that were once prohibited. To see what the caged monsters of fear, sadness, and yes, even joy, have to offer us — keys to defusing the all too prevalent male anger.

Accessing the feminine in the masculine is far from sissy work, as the hyper-masculinized bodybuilder above would have you think. It is more difficult than any physical training a man can undertake.

I’ve heard many a combat vet, fresh from Iraq or Afghanistan, say it took more courage to get emotionally healthy than to have fought on the actual physical battlefield. The mission is often not clear within.

“Jason, what are you feeling?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know. I already said. Frustrated.”

“I’d say you’re feeling anger.”

In time, we get to his sadness.

But for now, we keep working on it. Eventually, he reports feeling less fragmented, and more comfortable asserting his masculine gifts.

His wife no longer asks, “Where’s the Man in my man?”

Read 3 Things You Need To Do To Be A Real Man

Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola

Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:

Accept your emotions

Recognizing and acknowledging your emotions is not a punishable offence despite what society and decades of programming may have you believe. The feminine energy inside of men is sacred. It is not something that should be ignored or overlooked. Rather all men need to identify and accept it as an essential part of their authentic selves. 

Your femininity completes your masculinity. Tapping into your range of emotions will not make you weak or appear less manly. Instead, it will make you feel empowered and help you understand who truly are… a real MAN!

The Masculinity Myth: Why Men Need To Accept Their Femininity

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Hermeneutic Labor: This Term Describes When You’re Struggling To Make Sense Of A Man’s Thoughts

Clear Stages Of Hermeneutic Labor: Emotional Work

Whether it means picking up hints in a text message or interpreting what isn’t said during an argument – many women find themselves doing “hermeneutic labor.”

Amid the confusing roads of romance, trying to understand secret messages or get through emotional minefields can seem like a full-time job. In recent years there has been an eruption of discourse surrounding feminists and emotional labor.

Let’s understand what hermeneutic labor really means and why most women ​take up emotional labor in relationships​!

Understanding Hermeneutic Labor

Up Next

8 Unmistakable Signs He Will Never Come Back: The Final Farewell

Glaring Signs He Will Never Come Back: No Second Chances

Ah, the bittersweet realm of love and heartbreak. We’ve all been there, hanging onto that tiny edge of hope that things might get better again, and we don’t have to go our separate ways. But let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Today, we are going to talk about the signs he will never come back. Yes, it’s going to get a bit heavy today.

If you are wondering whether he is ever going to make a grand return to your life or not, then let me tell you – you are in for some tough love, my friend. In this article, we are going to explore eight glaring signs that are repeatedly telling you that your ex is not coming back.

It’s time to face the reality and discover if it’s time for you to leave the past behind you and look forward to a better and brighter future.

Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him

Up Next

Men’s First Love Theory: 7 Life-long Psychological Impacts Of First Love

Men’s First Love Theory: First Love Psychological Impacts

Can men never get over their first love? Men’s First Love Theory has blown up all over the internet, especially on TikTok. The theory’s first taste of romance sets every partner at an inevitable disadvantage.

When we fall in love for the initial time, this theory claims that it leaves a lasting impact. We tend to think and view our first love as “the one,” causing us to compare every individual we meet after them to our original partner.

The term “first love syndrome” explains how our initial encounters with emotion factor into what we consider to be true love. It’s almost like we’re biologically hardwired to search for that same feeling we had when we fell in love for the very first time.

Up Next

Masculinity And Mental Health: 12 Warning Signs of Depression In Men And What To Do

Signs of Depression in Men You Shouldn't Ignore

Do you often feel frustrated, irritable, and withdrawn? If you are a man and if you are frequently in a bad mood, then it’s likely that you have male depression. The shadows of masculinity can often hide the signs of depression in men.

Male mental health is a topic we rarely talk about as a society that is supposed to be fair and equal. Yet, societal expectations often silence the cries for help from men who suffer from depression. 

But let’s change that today! Depression affects millions of people worldwide, regardless of gender. However, men often face unique challenges when it comes to recognizing and addressing

Up Next

8 Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Today we are going to explore a topic that’s not just interesting, but honestly, a bit heart warming too! We are going to talk about the “imperfections” and “body flaws” which women feel awkward about, but men absolutely love!

You know what I mean; the tiny body flaws that we are convinced make us less attractive. As women, we often regard them as shortcomings or things that take away from our beauty, but they are the very things that many men fall in love with.

So, let us plunge into this and find out what are those “body flaws” that men really adore about us, and what men think about women’s bodies.

Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.