5 Ways To Survive the Holidays While In A Toxic Relationship


, ,
ways to survive holidays while in a toxic relationship

Holidays and family gatherings are intended to be fun and memorable, But sometimes they can be stressful for some people. When you are in a toxic relationship, holidays are anything but fun. While it may not possible to escape the dreaded situation, here are some tips to help you survive holidays.

Are you looking for ways to survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship? With everything else that is going on during the holidays, does your toxic relationship increase your stress and keep you from enjoying what is wonderful about the season?

Daily life is hard enough in a toxic relationship. Are you wondering how you will be able to make it through the holidays this year without losing your mind?

There are ways to survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship and reading this article is an excellent first step for you to do so.

Here Are The Ways To Survive The Holidays While In A Toxic Relationship

1. Avoid Triggers

Survive Holidays While In Toxic Relationship

Be honest with yourself. There must be triggers that can turn your relationship from good to bad, maybe even on the turn of a dime. I am guessing those triggers are pretty consistent and you know exactly what they are.

I would encourage you to take stock of those triggers and to do whatever you can to avoid them during the holiday season.

If you always fight about putting up the Christmas lights, perhaps just let your partner do it this year. If you always fight about your relationship with your parents, try to figure out a way to not have that be an issue. If you always fight because the house is messy, perhaps make an extra effort to keep it tidy.

A toxic relationship is a minefield of triggers, things that usually make things turn sour. If you can avoid them, and maybe even talk to your partner about avoiding them too, you are way more likely to survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship.

2. Don’t Expect Things To Be Different.

Every year, many people in toxic relationships go into the holidays hoping that things are going to be different this year. Hoping that the disaster that was last Christmas won’t happen again or that the toxicity that pervades your daily life will dissipate during the holiday season.

Unfortunately, unless you and your partner have been able to work on your toxic relationship over the course of the past year, things most likely won’t be different.

For my ex and me, whenever a birthday or holiday approached, there was an issue around spending time with family. How I had spent my birthdays and holidays was very different from how he had spent his. I wanted to be at home with just our immediate family and he wanted to travel to see his extended family.

Every holiday we fought about what we were going to do. And, every holiday, once it was over, we just ignored what had happened and moved on. Until the next holiday and the issue, and the fighting came up again.

This issue was a huge bone of contention with my ex and as Christmas approached, it became even BIGGER! Pretty much the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas we struggled with this issue. And it made the holidays significantly less enjoyable.

And, every year, because we hadn’t dealt with the issue earlier, the monster raised its ugly head again.

I believe that, if we had made an effort to deal with it over the years, instead of just ignoring it, then things might actually have had a chance to be different. But we didn’t – and things just remained the same.

Related: Why Some People Can Never Be Happy For Anyone (And Why You Shouldn’t Take It Personally)

3. Control Your Own Emotions And Reactions.

You cannot change someone else nor can you change someone else’s emotional reactions but you can change yours.

I am sure that the toxic encounters you have with your partner bring out many emotions. Anger, contempt, unhappiness, and frustration are a few that come to mind. And those emotions can get BIG and make those encounters even worse!

I would encourage you to try, during this holiday season, to control those emotions. To try to not let them make issues even bigger.

If your partner does something that normally triggers you, I would encourage you to pause and take a deep breath before you react. Pause and notice what your emotions are. And, if you can, take a few more deep breaths and try to calm down your nervous system so that you don’t react in a destructive way.

If you can control your emotions, if you can control your reactions to your partner’s behaviors, you might be able to take the toxicity down a notch and that might go a long way towards being able to survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship.

4. Ask Family And Friends For Help.

Many of our family and friends know that we are in toxic relationships and many of them do what they can to support us throughout the year. And yet, for some reason, during the holiday season, things can be different. People get caught up in their own stuff and forget about yours.

I would encourage you to, if your friends or family are in any way contributors to the toxicity in the holiday, ask them for help.

My mother used to help me get through the holidays. How? By accepting the fact that I would not be able to spend a lot of time with her because I had to spend time with my ex’s family. She made an extra special effort to get us all together another time with the year, a time of year that wasn’t full of holiday craziness. Not only did this help her to not be disappointed at Christmas, but it also tempered the conflict between my ex and me, and that made Christmas just a little bit more bearable.

Being in a toxic relationship is hard to manage on your own. If you can ask for the support of those who love you, it might help you survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship in a way that might be different from if you were doing it on your own.

Related: 4 Common Fears About Asking For Help And How To Move Past Them

5. Know That The Holidays Will End.

So many of us dread this holiday season because of everything that happens. All the present buying, the baking, the pressure to see family, etc. will put a tremendous amount of pressure on any relationship. The pressure on a toxic relationship is even more so.

What I always tell people to keep in mind is that, on January 2, the holiday season will be over. All the pressure that they are struggling with will be over. And with the holidays being over, things can go back to normal.

I know that, if you are in a toxic relationship, normal isn’t necessarily a great thing but normal is probably better than it is during the holiday season. And, when you get to January 2, you will have actually survived another holiday! Well done!

Surviving the holidays while in a toxic relationship can be very difficult to do.

Many of the things that I have suggested are things that YOU can do to get through this crazy time. I know you don’t believe that you should have to make all the compromises to keep your relationship on even ground during the holidays but if you truly want to survive them, making compromises might be the key.

Again, you can not change someone else’s reactions and behaviors, but you can change your own. And that is the key to survival this season – your reactions.

All of this being said, January is the time of year where the high numbers of people file for divorce. Many people think, after the dreadful holiday season, that they just can’t do this one more year. As a result, they walk away. And this just might be an option for you. If you can keep your head down and get through the holiday season, you might be able to make changes on the other side.

In the meantime, knowing ways to survive the holidays while in a toxic relationship is an important way to keep yourself together and to enjoy the holidays as best you can.

You can do it!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin
ways to survive holidays while in a toxic relationship pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The Self Aware Narcissist: Are Narcissists Aware Of Their Behavior?

Unmasking Narcissism: Are Narcissists Aware Of Their Behavior?

Picture this: Entangled in a web of manipulation and control, you wonder if the narcissist in your life truly comprehends the havoc they wreak. It’s a perplexing puzzle we often find ourselves in: Are narcissists aware of their behavior? 

Let us delve into the psyche of narcissism, seeking to unravel the enigma and shed light on this intriguing question – are narcissists aware of their narcissism?

Are narcissists aware of their behavior?

Are narcissists aware of their manipulation? 

Are they aware of the pain and trauma they cause? 

Are they aware of the lives they

Up Next

What Is A Love And Hate Relationship? Understanding The Complexities Of Intense Emotions

What Is A Love And Hate Relationship? Navigating Complex Relationships

Are you stuck in a relationship with someone where you love and hate them at the same time? Feeling love and hate for the same person can unnecessarily complicate a relationship. But what is a love and hate relationship?

Let us explore what does a love hate relationship mean, why people have them, and how to navigate this complicated emotional terrain. 

What is a love and hate relationship?

Love and hate are two of the most powerful emotions that humans can experience. When these two intense feelings col

Up Next

Sabotaging Your Own Happiness? 7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship With Yourself

Do You Have A Toxic Relationship With Yourself: 7 Warning Signs

Are you constantly at war with yourself, struggling to meet your own high standards? It’s time to face the music: you may be in a toxic relationship with yourself.

Learn to break free from this cycle of self-sabotage and start treating yourself with the love and compassion you deserve!

It’s easy to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship with someone else, but what about the relationship we have with ourselves?

Similar to toxic relationships with others, a toxic self relationship can lead to negative effects on your mental health and overall well-being.

It can be challenging to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship with oneself, as they are often subtle and insidious. But it’s time to face the truth and build a better relationship with your

Up Next

Taking Control Of Your Workday: 13 Tips For Setting Boundaries At Work

Work-Life Balance: 13 Tips For Setting Boundaries At Work

Are you tired of drowning in an overwhelming sea of work demands? Do you feel your personal life is slowly slipping away due to deadlines at work?

It’s time to break free from the chains of never-ending to-do lists, late-night emails, and constant work-related stress. How? With some great tips for setting boundaries at work.

Picture a workplace where your well-being is respected, and your productivity soars. It’s not just wishful thinking; it’s entirely possible. All you need to do is learn the techniques for setting boundaries in the workplace.

Up Next

The Impact Of Dads On Daughters: 15 Signs Of Daddy Issues

15 Warning Signs Of Daddy Issues In A Woman

Ever heard the term ‘daddy issues’ and wondered what it means? Well, it’s not just a pop culture buzzword. Signs of daddy issues can manifest in a myriad of ways, affecting how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.

From seeking validation to struggling with trust, these signs can impact both men and women and have roots in our deepest emotional experiences.

Understanding the complex dynamics of daddy issues is important, but it is crucial to approach them with sensitivity and without reinforcing stereotypes.

So, let’s dive in and explore the telltale

Up Next

What Is An Emotional Psychopath? 11 Key Behaviors To Recognize

What Is An Emotional Psychopath? 11 Signs to Watch for

Believe it or not, psychopaths are more common than you think. Now, there are different types of psychopaths, and one of them is the emotional psychopath. What comes to your mind when you think about emotional psychopaths? What is an emotional psychopath really?

In this article, we are going to talk about what is an emotional psychopath, the signs of an emotional psychopath, and some of the best and probably the most effective ways to deal with them.

First, let’s find out the emotional psychopath meaning.

Up Next

The Calm Before The Storm: Recognizing The Hidden Stages Of Abuse In Relationships

Love And Lies : The 4 Stages Of Abuse In Relationships

Did you know that abuse in relationships occurs in stages? It never starts right off the bat. It always starts slow and just when the victim is hooked with the bait of love bombing, romance quickly turns to toxicity. Understanding the stages of abuse in relationships can help us identify it and walk away before it escalates.

Abuse is often disguised as love 

Abusive people can be really funny at times though. One moment they will tell you how much they love you and need you, and the very next moment they will break all your confidence by humiliating you, criticizing you and controlling you.

Sadly, sometimes people who claim to love and care for us are the ones who are most abusive towards us.

AI Chatbot Avatar
⚠️ Liza is in training with WMHA and may not always provide the most accurate information.