How To Stop Being An Abusive Person: 10 Steps For Real, Lasting Change

Stop Being Abusive Person

If you are in an abusive relationship and you are the abusive partner, then realizing and admitting the truth can be the hardest, yet most bravest step forward. If you want to stop being an abusive person, then here’s what you need to know.

Are you an abusive person? 

Do you abuse your partner and others? Do you want to put a stop to this cycle of abuse? Then it is crucial that you take responsibility for your behavior, accept that it is wrong and seek help. However, if you are reading this and truly want to stop being abusive, then congratulations…you have already taken the first essential step.

However, if you are still questioning yourself about whether or not you are an abusive person, then here are a few signs that help you identify yourself as an abuser, according to author and marriage consultant Sheri Stritof:

  • Your partner tells you that you’re abusive
  • You feel jealous often
  • You often become aggressive 
  • You know your behavior is wrong
  • You always like to be in charge
  • You blame your partner or others for your abusive behavior
  • You use abusive strategies like gaslighting to make your partner doubt their reality
  • You are too controlling and uptight
  • You have anger issues and are usually in a bad mood
  • You tend to complain about or criticize everything
  • You don’t allow privacy in your relationship and isolate your partner
  • You are a closed person
  • You make sure the focus is always on you

Read also: 4 Types of Emotionally Abusive Behavior

If you can relate to most or all of these signs, then you just might be an abusive partner. Yes, it can be very difficult to admit that you emotionally abuse and mistreat your partner. That you have a negative attitude and your behavior is wrong. However, recognizing these signs and accepting your reality will enable you to avoid such toxic behavior.

Can you stop being abusive?

Although abusers get a lot of hate, especially from those who have been abused, and rightly so, it is possible for an abusive person to change their attitude and behavior. You can be a better person. You can treat your partner and others with respect yet be assertive. You can be compassionate and loving and be loved in return as well. It is never too late to stop abuse and rebuild your relationship.The fact you want to change is a good indicator that you could sort this out. However, doing it alone may be difficult. Having friends/family to support you… are all good things to try,”writes Dr Petra-boynton in an article published in The Telegraph.

If you have been an abusive person till now, then changing your perspective, attitude and behavior can be a challenging and long process. You will often resort to your old beliefs to justify abuse and engage in toxic behavior again. However, when you have the support of your friends and family, you can learn how to bring positive change and how to respect your partner. Change is possible. But it has to come from inside before you can actually implement it in your relationship and your life. 

Read also: 4 Abusive Behaviors That Are Not Physical But Equally Damaging

How to stop being abusive 

Most of the time, abusive people make false promises about changing themselves just to prevent their partners from leaving them. But sometimes, an abusive person may genuinely regret their actions and want to change and stop hurting their loved ones. So if you are ready to change and put an end to abuse for good, then here are a few steps that can help you bring about some serious change.

1. Admit that you’re an abusive person

This is the hardest, yet most important part. Abuse is not just about physical violence. Emotional and verbal abuse is perhaps the most prevalent type of abuse in relationships. Emotional abuse breaks trust and connection and leads to resentment and hatred. However, when you’re trapped in the cycle of abuse, it can often be hard to realize that. This is why you need to pause and take a good look at yourself.

If you believe that your behavior or actions were wrong, then you need to accept that you are an abusive person. Admit that YOU are the problem in your relationship and not your partner. The moment you recognize, accept and acknowledge that your behavior is the real issue, you will find the reason to change.

Read also: Women Abuse Men Too

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