Looking for love, in its truest sense, isn’t about finding someone else. It’s about finding yourself again. —Robert Holden, Ph.D, Loveability
Have you ever came across “got engaged”, “ got married” posts on Facebook, while you are on your couch in your pj’s and eating spaghetti on a Friday night. Not exactly the best time to see such posts, isn’t it? You might start to feel awful on your current ‘single’ status. But you know what? It’s completely fine, don’t ever beat yourself up because you don’t have a boyfriend or think you are not good enough for any one.
You are awesome the way you are and tell this to the mean devil side of yours who is trying to demean you all the way with the following thoughts.
1) I Am Still Single Because I Am Not Doing The Right Things
Remind yourself that you are not playing a dating game show where you use the right strategies to get a guy. You are leading a real life and love will happen when it has to because it is not a game that you can win. That’s the reason you don’t need to worry about the moves others are making. If your friends are getting engaged or married that doesn’t mean they are special or different. It’s just that it was their time. Your time will come too and when it will it would be beautiful. But, till then focus on this thought rather than letting panic take you over.
2) Only If I Were Thin, sexy, Smart, And Fascinating, I Too Would Have Got Hitched
Insecurity is your worst enemy. Don’t let it overpower you. It is a negative emotion that only causes depression. Start believing and loving yourself. By doing so you replace insecurity with confidence and that is what you need to look gorgeous as confidence is the most attractive quality a woman can possess. When you behave like a desirable woman your looks and appearance will exude a charm that most men can’t resist. Whenever the negative thoughts plunder your mind just throw them out of the window.
3) There Aren’t Any Good Guys Left For Me
This surely isn’t true. But you are compelled to think in this way when you meet all the useless guys that turn you off completely. Even though it’s disappointing, remember you need only one right guy and you will recognize him when you know what he is not like, rather than what he should be. All the wrong and useless guys you meet are your lessons and after meeting them you know what you don’t want. These experiences set you ready for the right moment. Who knows, maybe your “right” guy too is slogging through his share of “wrong” girls in search for you.
4) I’m Too Choosy— I Should Settle For The Next Guy I Meet
As long as your expectations are not impractical, you are not wrong in expecting certain qualities in a guy. Some women tend to expect traits like kindness and riches in a man who should also be handsome like a Greek God. You are, perhaps, looking for a guy who fits you well and there is nothing wrong in it. It is okay if it is taking time because real connections don’t happen overnight. This doesn’t mean you are being choosy. There is only a small difference between people who have less and people who have more. The simple reason why some people have more is they never settled for less. And so they have more of everything and of course more of satisfaction too. They are happier because they strongly believe they deserve to be so. While it’s important to have an open mind, it’s best not to have someone you don’t deserve.
5) My Biological Clock Is Ticking
Your concern is right, but not completely. Even if you don’t get someone by whatever age you think you should, still your chances of not finding love and starting a family will not be grim. You will definitely find someone you would adore and respect well with time. Look around and see how many women who tried and didn’t find a man they could settle with? Perhaps, very few. Even if you are one of those women who find love a bit late, everything will be okay, because there are hundreds of ways to get pregnant if you have any problem in conceiving. Moreover, women easily get pregnant naturally in their 40’s and have healthy babies. So, stop imagining the worst for yourself. Rather enjoy your state of singlehood because you’re still free to do things which you won’t once you start a relationship and eventually a family. Don’t waste the beautiful moments worrying about horrible things that aren’t going to happen.
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Should specify in the article, it’s aimed at women.
Sunita Inderjeet