Are you single and unhappy? When did being single become some sort of disease that everyone wants to get rid of? Why does everyone think that being in a relationship or married is superior to being alone? Those are some questions you might want to think about. Itโs all about how you look at it.
So if youโre single and unhappy, here are 13 things I want to tell you to cheer you up:
1. Things can change. And they will.
I donโt care if youโve been single and unhappy for several decades or several days. It can be easy to get down on yourself over the โoddsโ finding that perfect partner.
Donโt let yourself buy into the ridiculous myths like โItโs more likely to get abducted by an alien than it is to get married after 40.โ Remember, anything and everything is possible. You just need to get out of your own way and start believing that.
Read Stop Thinking You Canโt Be Happy Because Youโre Single
2. Have high standards. Donโt just date someone because you donโt want to be alone.
I canโt tell you how many people I know who just โsettleโ because they hate being alone. If thatโs you, why do you hate being alone so much? Donโt you like yourself?
You should! You should love being alone because youโre such a cool person. You need to have the mindset that anyone who doesnโt want you is a fool and you wouldnโt want them anyway.
Read 5 Reasons To Choose Being Single, Than Being In a Bad Relationship.
3. Use this time to learn about yourself.
Often, people use being with others as an escapeโan escape from themselves. If youโre with others, then the focus is on them, not you. But how well do you really know yourself?
Being single is a precious time that can be used to really get to know and love yourself. So spend the time getting to know you. Discover new things. Work on personal growth if you are single and unhappy.
4. Donโt chase anyone.
And I mean it. Donโt even think about it! If they have to be chased, then they donโt want you. And if they donโt want you, then you shouldnโt want them (see #2).
As Maya Angelou says, โWhen people show you who they are, believe them the first time.โ If someone is showing you that they would rather not date you, believe them. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Itโs their loss, not yours. No, reallyโit is.
5. Work on making yourself the kind of person you would want to date.
Jerry McGuire had it wrong. Donโt look for someone to โcomplete you.โ If you need someone to complete you, then you arenโt whole to begin with. Re-read #2 and #3 as often as you need to in order to get that lesson.
You want someone to think โWow! This person is dating ME?!?! Iโm the luckiest guy/girl on the planet!โ And the right person will.
6. Learn to love your own company.
Youโre awesome! Youโre cool! If you donโt believe me, then you are wrong. Everyone is perfect in their own way. The problem is, many peopleโespecially single peopleโdonโt believe it. Itโs okay to spend a Saturday night alone with yourself and a movie and a glass of wine.
As you do, you should say to yourself what my mother always says, โI wonder what the peasants are doing?โ In other words, the โpeasantsโ are anyone whoโs not youโbecause youโre having such a good time by yourself that you donโt need anyone else.
7. There are still good people out there.
Again, donโt buy into the myths that โall the good ones are taken.โ Hogwash! Youโre not taken, right? Well, I rest my case! If youโre single and available, then not all the good ones are taken.
So you just need to get out of your own head and stop believing those lies that society tells you. There are plenty of good eligible singles out there for you to match up with.
8. Uncertainty breeds opportunity.
One of the things that singles donโt like is that they canโt predict the future. Or control it. They think, โWill I be alone forever? Will I be an old maid? Where should I go to meet people?โ
Lots of people donโt like uncertainty and unanswered questions. But uncertainty brings a ton of opportunity. Your options are endless!! And thatโs a good thing! You just need to believe that it is, too.
9. Focus on what you have, not what you donโt.
This is rule #1 of the Law of Attraction. If youโre not familiar with it, I suggest you read about it. When you focus on the negativity of being single, you are only putting negative vibrations out there to everyone. They will pick up on it.
Focus on your great job, wonderful friends, your health, your car, food on your tableโyou name it. When you focus on the good things, your vibration will change to being positive. Other people will pick up on it and want to be around you even more than they already do.
Read 6 Struggles of Being In a Relationship After years of Staying Single
10. Keep busy with things that make you happy.
Do you like running? Join a running group! Do you love to read? Join a book club! Do you like to go to happy hour with your friends?
Do it! The more you keep busy, the less youโll focus on the negatives of being single (but there really arenโt any negativesโonly what you think are negatives). Keep busy and have fun. And who knows who you will meet in the process?
11. You need to love yourself the way you want to be loved by a partner.
If you have been nasty to your partners in past relationships, re-think that! If youโre being nasty to yourself, stop doing that! Love yourself! Treat yourself with kindness and respect. If you want a quality relationship with a person who will treat you well, you need to start doing it yourself.
12. When you feel lonely, give back to others.
Maybe youโre feeling down on yourself or youโre feeling lonely because havenโt been on a date for a long time. Then try giving back! Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a centre for abused women. It always feels good to help others.
The more you help others, the better youโll feel about yourself. And it will also help you not focus on what you โdonโt haveโ quite as much.
13. Be patient.
Perfection takes time! Rome wasnโt built in a day. The Great Pyramids werenโt even built in a century. So if you want greatness, you need to be willing to wait it out! Donโt just settle for whatever comes your way.
Make sure that when you choose a partner, that he/she is who really you want. You two should be a good match. If not, you might find yourself having to repeat the process of being single once again. So decide what you want, and have confidence that in time, you will definitely find โthe one.โ
Written By Dr. Carol Morgan
Printed with permission
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