How To Recover From Being Cheated On (And Be Able To Actually Trust Again)

How To Recover From Being Cheated On (And Be Able To Actually Trust Again)

One of the toughest things in life is to recover from being cheated on. If you don’t heal your wounds you will keep punishing the next guy for the last one’s mistake. This post will help you on this journey.

Recovering from getting cheated on

I lurched awake suddenly at 3 am. I instinctively reach for my phone. No missed calls, no texts. He didn’t call me back. He always calls me back. He’s cheating on me. He’s with a girl right now. I am more certain of this fact than I’ve ever been about any other aspect of our relationship. We were always on shaky ground. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And now it has.

I don’t want to be right. I really want to be off about this, so I do something that always served me well in my love life, I lean on my remarkable capacity for self-deception. I wake up the next morning and treat it all like a nightmare. It never happened, everything is the same.

So I go about my day, brushing any awful thoughts of being cheated on aside. He and I were in a long-distance relationship for the summer because I was home before starting my senior year of college. While I really loved him, at least I thought it was love at the time, the relationship was unhealthy, codependent, and horribly toxic.

I didn’t just love him, I needed him. And he needed me. We were basically everything to one another. We didn’t have much going on outside of the relationship and as a result, it felt like he was a part of me, and not in a good way.

It Wasn’t The Break Up That Hurt Me
How To Recover From Being Cheated On (And Be Able To Actually Trust Again)

I was interning at a magazine that summer and was scrolling through Facebook to pass some time between assignments when I saw something I couldn’t unsee. A girl, a very hot girl, posted on his wall. I tried to find some other explanation, but she was obviously referencing them hanging out together and I just knew.

He called me later that night acting like everything was normal. I wanted to participate in the charade, but I just had to ask.

“So why didn’t you call me back last night?”

“I was just hanging out, you know.”

“Hanging out with who?”

“Just people.”

“You were hanging out with a girl.”


“And you cheated on me,”

“Yes. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t believe you. Never talk to me again.” I hang up the phone and cue the tears.

We talk again later that night but it’s useless. I want him to beg for my forgiveness—I’m ready to forgive before he even asks for it!—but he doesn’t. This is the end. He didn’t just cheat on me, he’s leaving me for her. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything more painful in my life, not even childbirth.

Related: Why You Will Break Up With Your Partner: Based on Your Zodiac Sign

I was literally gutted, ripped open from end to end. I didn’t understand how I could function in the world without him. I didn’t know how to recover from being cheated on. It just felt wrong. I walked around constantly sick to my stomach, my world perpetually tilted on an axis to the point I couldn’t even walk in a straight line. It was like I had gone through the looking glass, nothing made any sense without him.

But I knew he would come back. He has to come back. I know everything about him. I know his past, his pain, his demons. I’ve been there for him through everything. I don’t have friends anymore, I don’t have a life anymore, I’ve spent every moment of the past year being there for him and helping him get himself together, how can he survive without me?

A few weeks later I’m back in Boston to start my senior year. I feel certain that now that we’re back in the same city he will definitely want me back. It’s like the last time we broke up, he was begging for me back within a few weeks even though he said we should try not to speak for three months. He’ll be back. He will.

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Sabrina Alexis

Sabrina Alexis is a writer and the co-founder and editorial director of A New Mode. Sabrina graduated from Boston University in 2007 with degrees in English and Psychology and has been writing about fashion, beauty, relationships, and wellness ever since.View Author posts